Anyway here's some thing about ATZILUT, inbetween, hot gossip, we know the 4 worlds, but there is a special higher, it is called OT, ot is similar to, Look, it is a force-word...like, SOOK (heres where i always get confused, is someone playing with my mind? i get interuptions, alot...)Sook is forbidden, it means crook...the Atzilut is a 14th High...there are 96 Heavens, there are now, 49 worlds containing living beings, as humans....Azerberiah, (thats it) is the closest to HIM We skipped WORLD, we atzilut, we are to kaim the LOWER! Become, hold on, 'you too lead'... Florence is upset, and drunk, so she's just about to right a blog, she caught my sister and new mum friend, in a taxi, crying I 'SPEND' with grannies...so they were in fits, she's always, drunk, its new years eve, and I'll be on here til the next year...she used to paint;
"twee, little pictures..." I draw;
seethes a grannies voice; "sinful death. Hate." It's the demon-granny again!!! So, Lars breaking into the Higher World scene, you say crock!!means, when I'm at Peace...'Everyone prefers Beriah...'...this is the 'level' notes I have, at the back of my red-book;
Artists I'm studying are all generally 50th level; here; notes;
29th level = woe/crying create.
9th level most popular, thinking of chart music ??
Pj (harvey) is 52, Thunder; I can reach 39th.
sicko; he is 28th speak, because they souled Fire fuck up; I'm 28th level, burned in higher.
MANNIE is 98th !!!! Lars, be Arabic.
52 in 11's
Lars can hit 63rd in music, if she ever dared go back to her guitar
Now i have to babysit, through the night. snores at 9;20
Why did I tell Florence NO? One Day, I even cried out;
So, ATZILUT: 4 worlds, they are King...swords fell...Yetzah is DEATH, becasue the shells death...every light in man went fire...look at 'Issac Luria'....I knew I hit somehting inn the doodling, because I felt peace. It rains and rains, blue, in the highest...
highest levels to rreach are level 1000. this is elohim and alien tribes, the EZEKEL, are jewish,...we on earth soared to 500...
A dog bit its Mum's leg?? hahahaha. this looks hell, it's sweet...I am 91 throne. I tell them His...Luria was level 85....different catergories. I need lowest SEE.
Yes, I'm meeting a pop-star, it happens that that happens,
we spent four hours talking the rat people of Emelbert, I left her, and she spent 28 days with them, talking, squeaky...
Emelbert...do i include the trying to catch the dog pictures??
she thinks I HATE; "I, duhnooo...."
I said; your soul doesnt suit mine, I asked you, and it was too young, you said, not ready for you, you sounded younger than my soul, we dont match..."
Mine, isn't older, or, GOD! It's jumper!! My hands should look older. but i'm a killer. If old mean't talent.
florence; she likes jews. she paints pictures, she uses a mixture of god and mog...she said:
"Muslims want me dead!!"
That dagobert stole my red velvet suit!! He's in purgatory, for being gross, and its ripped and covered in mud, lucky for him, I grow to 6ft 3...
I found alot of graffiti books, so i sat on the floor of the shop, and wrote notes all over my arms...the streetart-sketchbooks called (blackbooks, because they have to be hidden from the authorities)...
the Illustrations by famous graffiti artists like Blu, have helped me so much; they've opened up, a loser way of doodling, and I've begun creating types of doodles, that are highly in fashion, this decade, onto the new one...so, I have
cheap lined hard-back notebooks,
I have a redbook, a pink book, even a 'brun' and 'turquoise' books I've spent the last two days, 'cup-of-tea' crawling around london, with a new expensive set of felt-pens, drawing people, special buildings, and imaginative stuff, I got a little high, on the amount of sugar I use, three per cup, I even got one tea for just 45pence...two days ago, I hung around from 1:oo til 8pm at night, because I don't like the atmosphere in the house, yesterday, I tidied my room without being asked and threatened with another send-off...and... I bought tons of spray-paint cans. I've gone late 80's and early 90's mad...acid house/ravers/typography used in magazines...that's when I was a kid, I was mad on 'acid-rave', 'hardcore house' was shit, because it was like a sped-up casio keyboard, and tinky beats, and generally white-noise in squeaks, I bought 'acid-men' faces stickers, of all different styles with Dali covers on the back of the non-sticky side, so, they went up all over my door, and I knew about the rave-festivals on illegal sites, where millions of riot-police would turn-up...that I really wanted to join a rave, hoping they'd still be around when I grew-up...I think clubs are so shit now, around here anyway, I have some 'smiley' faces ready to be painted in gouache, in 80's colours like lemon, pale blue, and faded pink...I used a 40cm high, and 2m long very cheap canvas, to practice on, it dripped too much, and dirtied the wall, even with newspaper up...shit.
I've felt like crying all through the christmas holiday, and painting has turned to
but for, a sprayed jade green, metallic blue black and white abstract for my cousin's son, two long thin strips of thick card (bought in a collection of about 20 fro a pound), with black felt scribbles, and ball-point pen doodles of flowers, stuck onto a board painted in black, together with a white frame with black and green stripes, including the glass, which cost me; 1 pound 50p...
I also have a 55metre, mural to design, for a competition, and a win of 1000 pounds, for an old fishing fleet...I got the idea on the bus, so that's what I'm doing for the New Year, we had one party, a pretty big one, for the family...who I drew throughout the evening. No one, made comments, about my new look, grey mens' shirts, baggy trousers, very short hair, I rarely had my hair cut, until a year ago, never really, perhaps once every two years, so by the time I made to the mental hospital, it was all shaggy...I got bangs cut by the hospital hairdresser, all wonky, then, I was allowed out once a week, so I always bought records, and a coffee, and began to make friends with a girl there, until one day, I was just moved off to a rehabilitation house, for being skanky. That's where I began taking a heaven drug, and writing my books about aliens... I had bad trips in the hospital, I kept see-ing, women with hairy dicks, hiding behind curtains, one of whom, an huge african girl, who would steal everything, because every item said: "This is Mine!", I left her alot of old records that I treasured, so, and a giant monster above the ceiling, with giant clippers...
I like tea-blotting, stamping the wet teabag on a page and then closing the book, inking images, faces around the blots...I like drawing chinese commnunists.
I've fathomed what kind of Indian Goddess, I would be, my colours, what I would hold that would suit my charcater, not something shit, like a brush or a mug of tea, I have a sword!! I wear 8 bindis (marriage spots) on my forehead, white spots above my eyes, I definatly have a nose ring, because I had my nose pierced when I was 16, (it 'got snorted up my nose', in the hospital, and they 'were giving me esctasy pills in the mdeication') which does have beads, because thats what I used to put in my ear-hoops...I'm green, with blue hair..one hand is held forth, in neon blue...I have sapphires under my eyebrows...I wear silver...
there was something else I wanted to write, but I've forgot.
I watched Autobiography of a Princess, with her...about the fall of the last Royal Indian family, and the princess, who lives alone in exile, in London, and invites a tutor, ebglish with a Indian surname, and an odd accent...to watch slide-show memeories, it's mixed;
with live footage, of interviews with the MAhrajah's family...and shit! I saw the first man, a prince, and flipped;
I said: "Why do I hate this dark man, am I rascist??" All through the beginning, where I was feeling sick on the just taken mediaction, I could hear, the woman, talking directly to me...
"Why put dirty men near Indian clean?"
"Indian Queens, we sing them in our sacred songs, you are too clean..."
I thought; "Who is saying this to me, do yoo mean the jewish clean??"
--- She hated him too---
We looked; both of our eyes, turned bright red...
"Because they were Devil-Blood?"
Her eyes said; "You have defied, you have sinned."
Mine said; "You are not our people's King. You hate Dalit, you sell blood, because you hated give...you are killing Him..."
She turned off, even though it was soothing. I made one mistake. I thought of Buttar. and I said her name, they heard it. What do you think of this, was she always going to be murdered? Did they remember that name, did they plan to kill, as though she was the one arriving like the Messiah?
I know what the fat-man did. I know where Muhammed dead
He called Yahweh, and had nowhere, how to fall me, than he kicked, 'brutal bitch, I'll cry your gore.' It worked, he shouted out and they screamed, (remember time goes quicker there, in one earthly half hour...Men had to 'discuss'...She was brute? But Yawheh had nowhere to have her fall. Tell me...'
'She gave shaggy bitch.'
He screamed...'That woman is fights!! She's crying kill 'fair' dead!!' (I called hte 'famous' couple for help, because 'I think I fell to Hell. I can see me there, PLease Help. I can't reach the girls. Haha, I dont really care!'
They used force,
Father, Father, Father. Heeeeeeellllllllllll....they burst a thought, it was, 'oh fucking well...'
FUCK!!!!!!!! SHE sings bitch!!!!!!! FIRE!!!!!!!!!! The force was so sharp, they entered my head, I was still, laying in the bed, on my belly, in just a shirt and boxers, flying around christmas eves, with a knife, letting them see me in my shorts...to hit me, they roared; Fire in Hell...they heard; dead, they, clapped. I heard the fall, I can't remember who I stabbed, it was the fatman, stabbing didnt work, I didnt want it to happen...hazy...they say;
'I have been killed.'
Someone wanked (??? my ??? is me, ) cross that out;
how I died.
Fear fall. Weep. Did I say fu god?? no.
They do it by screaming we're HATING!!!!!!!
God says SHEOL!!!!!!!
They cry I'm BITCH MAD!!!!!!
God said, afterwards, when I put some trousers, go
I know what this means.
It means become alone in father. like;
He said; That way, you will reap Heaven."
It meant no women.
I walked downstairs, the god-joke was; I started talking to Mum, in Italian, explaining, cowl;
she was cool. I wanted to know;
"I've married God." that was know.
I went back to bed.
I got a knee kicking me in the leg. I said go.
She said; the
Inspiration: thats the jerusalem prayer.
"You will have so much , you will make lots."
I said; "I hate men."
"No men, high. I was a woman, before they die, you are my. I love high..."
when her ex-husband, died, the shuffling dog, was respectfully silent, and brutally mocking. Since I last saw Jesse, his chin his whole neck, has become a gloopy, multi-layered mess of thin droopy skin...
Samuel E David, is my egg. I said; "Let's make magic, every time I die, Dad's chin falls, I died 65 times...this is a time problem."
I won 100 pounds, and spent on presents, for the second time since I've ever brought presents, she got some crap, free books I took from the library, and a kids book, with a messy cover, like the board game last year, that had many pieces missing and another messy cover.
I've been pissed all holiday.
Last night, I fell to Hell, for meeting a guy in a paisley jacket, who was ;
Then I heard, you have fallen to Hell.
I could hear myself, getting beaten by men, in one little red corner of my mind.
I think I have a lump in my neck thatscrawling up to the right side of my brain, and hurting a lot... like;
'When deytwalk in maobwain.'
I'm sorry if someone tried to stick that dick in my mouth, and I mistakenly tried to rip this fat man apart.
They got me out, quick?? quick??
I don't know, I heard I got out, because I said sorry to God. I said it directly.
The man is dead. --- I wore a golden halo,, and chewed on a parsnip.
I discovered Arch-Angel Micheal, is a woman, and my wife. SO much for calling a big guy, to fight Hell.
Lots of us fell, yesterday, she had the job of flying down to get them out.
I felled Mohammed.
My cousin arrived, my cousin who i think is really a demon-soul. He got knifed through the body, by a Mohammedan, taking revenge. So did, Mannie, but I managed to guard her, except for their last try,...off went the eyes...I knew it was wiser to walk about the house, rather than fighting in bed.
I can't;;;; hear;;; they cant;;;hear;
so, what did happen?
I felled Muhammad, for crying some men, were, 'his men'...so much shit, since 7yrs ago, she appeared in the sky to give baby, I saw these men in front of me...this is because, we
reminisced about making the baby, and someone cried;
show the face of the dead!! thye appeared like a film in my face, thats what I saw.
Annie said we died, when I got back in my sleep;
'You said that man was want and they said no. then you cried, and fought. you leapt up and screamed, you pointed, some men fell, because I see they were sick, they were thinking, ; this bitch is red. why did my father want? the man who want is dead. You fell because they said; red, and replied you called out; bitch. They felled you, because they know, because they learnt the ; 'heffer'...
Anne F. continued: 'Mohammed won't see, he thinks 'things' are Him. He says they were holy clean. They are those butch Nazis, that fat-man died...I hate jewish! Because these fathers are sick! You msut be Jewish! Lars, do Jewish. They don't want, flee...I hate them...'
When they fell, I laughed, "See? ...We all die...that fat-man is free...I sent Hell to free, they are in a little He. It's a white town. I gave them home and free."
When they said; "Why did that witches husband fall?" Because I needed there help, and it was silly, she was in hysterics, because he was met by Jesus, I sent him back..."
I think she actually crying, 'I 'dont' &*^)( know...'
We do it all the time, Halakallahic Hebrew Nutcases;
Self-Righteous, --- Mum.;
I picked up a black coat, it looked like mine, I put in on, I took it off; 'this is yours.'
"THAT IS MY COAT, YOU DIRTY BITCH GO BACK TO REHAB RIGHT NOW, WE'RE TAKING YOU BACK, YOU SLEPT DIRTY IN MY COAT."
what was the right thing to do, it was to walk upstairs, and shout down;
'Bitch!! it was on the banister! I just picked it up" and then sit in bed with a LatinAmerican Art book, obviously, wanting, to cry her to hell. taking little punches, like, if she beats the baby, whack on the head, and then sit speaking that no wives love me. She can't hear them anyway and neither can I. Want cuddles. Then she is flying or dodging punches while some bastard is hitting her over the plate organisation.
Annie F. continued;
"You left everyone, laughing, you ran up the stairs, crying 'dirty willy-man!'
"Goodbye! I am Queen!"...
they screamed, because, the light hit them and they fell...
"Shit!! They're gone, all dead, the fuhrer died...I'm in bed...he died in night, the bunker is red, I know the truth, eight men were killed. I saw what happened, I'm grateful, Eva fell...they died in the night, it was jew, the jews killed...everyone died, I found a body, it was burning...they fell in fire...now, I'm cool, I'm cool in light, I will work...I can find Heaven...I will look...I can't believe they're heathen...I'm cool...just cool."
"The fire, it was soul...they burnt in bed...I know what is sick, to say, that man loved girl...the only bunker is bed..."
"I'm freak! Everyone dead! I'm alone in freak! This is the beginning..."
"I've infiltrated, I have become Fuhrer. I read every freak, I am going to find a light...I walked to the centre of Hell...Now I am King..."
"Jewish, I can bring back Jewish!"
"See-ing is easy. Bringing God."
"They screamed, I laugh...burned in bed...they were moving through clouds, and it's a waste, a waste because I am King...every day gets His...I want spite...('Kill them Now') Release...(this is a release of magic)...two burned, I like it...Hell is night. I've killed."
"I loved Heaven, I loved Height. This is Heaven, I have become, I have become Love-Fuhrer. Swell..."
"Someone died, let them, we all die."
"Are we Religious? I think Religion died, I regret not living Bride. I needed to have wit. I was circumsised...regret...living fascist is hurting everything, why can't they see I love??"
'How They Died:'
"They were spinning; Bride! Bride! Telling everyone we're dead, so cool. The Germans are crying, dead.
First, he sang; 'Why are we Bitch?' "Because we're Fire." I wrote Heaven, I wrote into the first man who cried. His name was Nietzsche. Fire.
pretty Grandmother appears in my cafe, thick wavy black, huge long black eyebrows, a long white nose,
belting out a tune,
I have one picture of her, two, long skirt, legs splayed with friends, wearing furry big coats with her older sister in the street... there are the weirdest looking Irish girls, they weren't chubby faced like me, with my bright red hair, that changes from mousy brown to blonde depending on the light...and they weren't English looking, like Irish women... and she has fathomed out some story that we're descended from the Royal Stuarts, I knwo about my blood, 'YES! Silly Nan, because I'm sure; Charles is my illegitimate child!' Then I say something gross, that I couldnt see his Mum, because I'm blind...he looks more like Dad's side...'
Nan says; 'You know we're God, and I'm sure we're Jizers (??WHAT??) Irish Jewzers...'
I get annoyed whenever they're happy and drunk; why?
because she's back to
"Whats solly, Jovid?"
that's when I realise, we
'I'm reading, simultaneously; a collection of jewish essays, I've got to COMMUNITYchapter, beginning with Glasgow Emigration, where Nanny lived, in the slums, where they got attackedand had all their hair cut off at the 'train station' , where the Irish moved into the same area, as the poorest jews, scottish-irish gran, and chubby faced bearded blonde grandad' so thats odd, because scottish gran, looks like a thin faced American Indian, so; "Where's the Long-Face?" Nan was 16 at the end of the war, went to Norfolk, and
I have an animation book
(so now I want, lots, I want a huge camera to make pictures, I want a digital video camera with a 'stop motion' mode, from Dad, 8mm is best, a huge old-fashioned camera, but, that wont work, I think a modern one is best, and if I make it, (1st project handed in last week, I can use it for University, if I can escape the mentally-ill life...I'm so down...I think someone killed my joy, at joining this art-course...and I have Paris...and a staff-worker , younger than me!! is accompanying me to Paris!!
Look at This! I've been to Berlin, Jerusalem, Barcelona, all without, earning or spending any, of my own money, and now!! the last place I need, on my list, is China)
I discover in the cafe, where an old family is also singing, that I'm read the
inside the other book, where I realise I'm reading out-loud, in my head, fluent Yiddish, maybe I'm reading it to girls/wives in Heaven;
because the book has turned gold,
And I'm singing 'Abraham was light'...
I'm always quiet and serious, with them.
I dont like the drunken fun...I always find a corner to hide in...and Hannah used to be the only real Mummy...and
short weekend, at Mannies, I remembered the grannies. Dancing in the garden, performing my own ritual.
I looked, saw them dancing, in thin dresses, with long black wavy to fuzzy long hair. In 07, I climbed 20, 000 ancestors, up a magical escalator, into another Heaven, from ancient Ireland, back to the Greeks, I've read one book on Ancient Irish History, and so I worked things out. They were in Purgatory, 901...which is Home For Pagan Sexuals (or something)
They arrived in Eire,
I was performing this ritual, half blind on mixed tea...when I remembered, when I looked;
pagan greek rituals, that inspired Cohen. dohnut, I mean Hebrew Priest; It involves, running around the garden, crying men have forsaken, up and down the fire exit stairs, before you're quite ready to leave an offering (some dog-ends and light), kicking out some bad pagan with a shuffle dance, fire in one hand, kicking my left foot across the ground, with a big snake/sword/wooden staff; ready to use on the attack, singing my prostitute blood...expecting to be draped with snakes, because of remembering the woman in my flat, who would throw tarantulas all over me, and then cover me with snakes, and a dodgy voice of her matre-de, name MistressGrandmother watching, who remained there, conducting some kind of marriage, with this naked woman with yellow skin, before I had the feeling to leave town, with 600 pounds taken from the post-office, oversleeping and having my door kicked down, and three policemen, (one of whom shouted out ; 'TERRORIST" "DOG! I have the Holy Book!") took me away to live for three years in and out of hospitals and rehabs, and stole 200 pounds that went missing, because the money was thrown all over the bedroom, throwing greek raisins all over the room was 'odd behaviour' for someone, encountering THE Whore of Babylon, which has a woman's head and a body made of shit, with writhing tentacles, and long windy hairy penises on string, intent on grabbing me....plus the 'Reptilian operated Alien Helicopter Warship', that roared outside the window, buzzing, (why could no-one hear it?) that caught me in the bathroom, and shot me countless times with lasers, that hurt, but didn't leave a mark, and left me heaving in the safest part of the flat, against the wall in a corner... plus moving the mattress to a safer place, on the kitchen floor and 'snogging' a sweet-girl, and making her shout out PORNO, in front of her religious school-friends, because I was sure everyone could hear me on TV, well NO, she was dahn the pub, with women, ha, still shocked...climbing gangstas out of hell, because they really DID love Momma, including the famous Al Capone, and then being shot by one in the 'flooozy' so jumped backwards into the bath, also sending one of them, for money, to keep the neighbours boyfriend, away, because he could hear, Hebrew, 'cunt' a 30's guy, smoking, and asking for no trouble in the doorway of the downstairs flat, because 'THAT BITCH IS CRYING HAZEL!'...being haunted by the demon-woman who blew smoke rings out of my bath, sure I was going to fall into Hell through the floor...hearing God, in the thunderstorms....making a film...with all the hell and other things flying round the room, sure that the worse place to be was in front of the big bedroom window, hiding in a corner on the mattress, bowls of cornflakes, and egg boxes full of dog-ends, the relentless fear of this Babylonian Woman, and the things it threw, well, to save me, I made a film sequence, with shapes and monsters that became a popular alien film, and gave me a name.
Plus, the fear of eternally burning in the sun.
...walking into Indian girls bedroom, with a box of pegs on my head, wiggling in front of that male true religion priest, and asking, if the box hat is suitable for rites...and then leaving the empty tea cup, on a windowsill, full of prayers, for an alien race of rat-people.
kicked me in the head, at Mannies and prayed for me to get bed...I saw what they prayed, it, was, giggly, I should say awful...
Nanny Adama, was conducting, calling a spirit, ;
"The spirit of Soul...Become Oh Lord, cry my Alexander to Soul...MY Queen Athene, shone hath thy light, bring Love tonight..."
I said; She's a big Red-head...I heard; '..what a fat hag?' 'No, bitch, tall with long curly ginger hair...I married Aristotle's daughter...long time ago..."
The others were dancers, they dance the spirit, the prettiest...they worked the dance, it's fast, but different to African Voodoo shaking, it's sweet shoulder wiggling, and prancing...they did give light and fun...
In Greece, they would perform the miracle, to Ariadne, light lover...the dance is soul...
You handle it by telling everyone to sleep. You make the mistake of telling three million people, because you are learning in wonder. Everything leaves the Nothing, and the soul creates the voice.
I stayed on the bed in jumpers and coat, and
a big black aura.
It was to drag the Heathen down, it meant leave Love, and focus on the darkness, I could already see we were in YING. Brightness. Which actually mean't, "You go to that. I have to make another spell. I don't think they like it, they think mad, we need it. We kill, we save." "Leave us in this light, and I journey to fight back." "Let me do this alone, but let some see, don't do this, because you don't love, you will lose. I learn spirit-jewish-masters, you make me weep, forgive me. You will kill everything, I weep. I should be well enough to soul. I am going to kill."
It was brightness, in black aura. It was;
"See me, and burn."
"3 have died, because they were sicker than hell, (,little h), ha 80 have burned...go!!, soul!! Kusama keep away!!! America...be sweet, wife, be sweet, they want to kill a girl...32 dead!! They really died!!! I leave the voice!!!"
They learnt it, and I fell at the door, I was internally BLUE. They sank the light. I was being pulled through the room, legs getting weak, soul about to die, I fell over at the door, and called out. I fought it, it stopped...
2 times, I stabbed myself.
No-one could quite follow this.
I had to reach down, and find the devil soul, and then tear it apart, I felt soulful, well, there was a fire in my brain. Find their soul, and then when, you hear them shriek (evil humans always, have an inner shriek, squeaky voice, they in demon change, they look hideous)...force the hatred into the weakest part, the brain, and then (this shook me, because it was a soul-surprise)
a mans voice. Tell her, the first, what you are doing, keep her sweet, hope she will stand back and then;
The knife through their rotten hearts, I had to do it twice, into my chest; because Kusama was mistaken.
"32 men are dead. I've made a mistake, I wanted them to hear how I learn. We're fear. They break noble law, and they are unfree. Free me."
I had to hold a dark-haired girls hand. I went to sleep holding an invisible hand.
"Every Hell has frozen. They heard warrior and shamed. We kill. Physically, 10, died...names...;...the first thing who cried...;...the satan in bride...;...the sickest death...;...internally 61...;....frozen...;..."
Anna was overwhelmed, I got a bride...then I hear in Chinese;
"Her name is sow (pig)"
"I like shitty sick." pathetic! It's Hell-Sick. A sqeak.
Dai Mu died, because she knew; "You in heart. You made murder. You light high! I like Bushido. (my silly moustache wearing) She said Bushido, to tell me Him, you have learnt murder..." I kill! I kill what you need!2
I got my tea and I got my smokes, I layed the doormat out and knelt, these automatic things...I was angry at that man again...I sawareisdent in green tracksuit, I couldnt see the green, but it flipped me out, I caught Kusama 's mental home...he was;
"Wearing the sacred colour."
I was Chinese.
something happened. I had to lay in the bed, in my coat. There's the Irish story, and the magic to write, but I haven't much time, and I'm not sure of writing...
Another way to kill the evil, by spiritually forcing it down, everything there was so natural. Kusama, listened; and wailed.
She sings Satan to bed! Give me girl!
Things went wrong, because I thought my voice was in Japanese. (today I realised I read English, clearly Yiddish.
I went to sleep holding the hand of a Japanese girl. Soul stuff. Silly, thought, I sang bring me wife. I saw the Korean model.
I was seeking jews, I thought we'd get so much love...They made weak...
"Show us, show us King."
"Do you want to light?"
I was bethrothed to Aunty 'Alicia'...When I was young, 8yrs old, I read books into the night, I made up pictures in the artexed ceiling, dragons, old men, when I caught chicken pox (ha! Acne face) I had to be carried into Mum's room during the day, because I couldnt walk on the soles of my spotty feet...I read a lot, adults too, I loved reading Nan's rag-newspapers, the saucy stuff about Madonna and a woman, the day I got my guitar from a skip, and learnt my first chord;
on Saturday Afternoon visits, after shopping at the market with my v. young aunty's, the boys wore Joe Bloggs (designer!) and I wore Save the Dolphins t-shirts, with ripped Mickey Mouse jeans, and silly extra long white socks, with shorts because I forgot to change them after school, or I had no socks, straight onto the streets, to fight and gather animals for pets, the loud nutty pig that used to escape the house behind that led onto the 'ferry fields' would scream as it ran round and round the block, so we'd jump up onto walls, or climb onto the garage roofs...
When I had the chicken pox for the entire school summer holiday, purposely caught from my cousins...I scolded my family, and I always waved my hands around and told Aunty off for smoking in front of her kids...no I chuff on ciggys continually.
Because I got bored I would, into lightbulbs, blinking, and blinking to make a show of little flying UFOS in different colours.
I played cards with Nan, and (somehow I forget why) Anne Frank, thats odd, because I knew who she was, but I cant remember her book, just her presence, I remember being there, with jewish girls, oh, i forget...I was reading Narnia and Lord of the Rings, at 8yrs old.
One day, an evil man walked through the door, and I couldn't sleep, he was the evil painting that moved, from Ghostbusters, that made my boy cousin cry and scream in the cinema, so had to be taken out. It freaked me for days, because it said; "Ate Hell. I am King. " Saul?
Once I made a clay shell, with I Love Abbie...engraved in the middle, and because I loved dreaming..I saw myself, with new friends, being crowned in my
very own palace.
And being an Archer Elf, fighting in the trees...I got this, I got all of it. I fought the Dragon.
And sitting in bed and see-ing, pretty 'Abbie' in a robe, as I walked through the door, like a window in the air, with my present, a kid with bright red hair, and her, sitting there, growling and silent, not happy at all.
I loved Samuel because he was a kid that heard God, I don't remember reading that.
----Alicia...real name; Halga...was swell, she used to, say; wailing (?)
"Sweetie, we're gay..." She was astonished when I watched the news. "This berlin- wall is evil communists, Germany have His." She said; "She is God, she says this is HIS!!" ; Nanny Elga was delighted. "I am sure she will wise. Little Sevens, be light tonight."
---She said; "When you grow up, be God. Marry Halga and have God." I got a Duchy, when I came of age.
There was wailing.
He friend was gagging,; "He brought you light? An 8 yr old, wants Bride??!"
She said; "Shut up!"
They said; "You fail. He saw you, and you brought hate. Bringing hate to child is sin."
"I forever wail..." They said; "You will marry, I nay care age of 8, my Sire will marry."
She screamed; "I dont like this child!!"
Nanny Elga was flying; "She sings Kings!! "I love Narnia, I want to fight. I want to live there, and be in light.""
---Levels--- we did a little work Sunday night, chart music is generally level 9, which means it's output, I talked to who would listen, cousin, wife, I said flippantly, bring an A major...she leapt C, and eighth...Polly was at church, she is level 52...I have this in notes...
----something else I learned, just last night!----
"I fight Heathens, every sick, you had bed...like, bed is sick!!...I want death of holy. I came here from Hell, I flew through the wall (Did I make that?)...when the Roman, killed, I laughed...Men called me here...I have been here 10, 000 years...."
(I remembering, qusetioning, not by calling IT, by clear thinking)
"You are the whitest bitch..."
Throw light, that way, Die;
It's laughing, beneath screams.
"HA, ha the Roman sick..." shit! too close!
"I found you, crying holy wife..."
It pulls me down.
What made it call?
"HA! The whitest bitch!! You soul-death in calling Love."
"Cant you stop? You know she's beginning to grow..."
Can I hear you?
"I went to a monster!! She was eyes!! Six eyes!
And 4 feet!
(jokes) dont want jokes
I cant hear anything, are they dead? Ms. Nachman? I'm dead!
I never wanted to be the Mad Man. I save done, nearly. He'll cope.
He's back. He liked Cash and Elvis, he heard the devil too, he was worse...
Lars, they're do.
they look at you do...we mean throat.
...bums..i said...they're bums...to a camp.
what if I create GODS??
shes weep; Mummy says we're dead...
dead!! dead!! we're deadddddddddd....GOD
I mean, I said; "They're after me, after me to hurt..." "What hurt?" Do they taunt? Because I die...bums..."what are you dead?"...perverts..."Where are they free?"...hurt, they hurt our bums...
put on some music. I killed 9,000....9,000 Nazis, and they draw a punched out bleeding left eye, laser eyes, that could burn a body to pieces. I don't think I told that, I roared that though, earlier, and someone added, the word;
I'll do it again...this is devil-men, perverts, whas the problem??
--- i''l kill. quick easy kill. ---
WE ARE GOING TO SING FIRE. THEY TAUNT, NAY TAUNT WIFE!!!
that means, chunin; NEVER...
i'll remember to post Ireland Magic.
(what does she do? makes weep, changed my typing pattern!! I still dont know...I'll leave to think, and then back, sorry)
Imagine walking around, a college cafe, feeling and see-ing a sick about to cut at you, cut downstairs.
Leave me, Fight,
If no fight; Fall Down, Help me, Where are they?
'Where is Mummy? She left crying we're hoaxed!!"
Remember getting Hanumari's messages this morning;
"Mummy, have a good day, today." She shoots off to a guy, you buy her two scratch-cards, one for the guy, wrong ones, we need a National Lottery...(a lucky dip)lucky dip is dirty bonks.
You win six pounds.
You take the four pounds, and buy him, the smallest waist, longest legs, you can find, because he's wearing his tiny mum's jeans, up to his knees, fine, you say butt...they look too modern-cut, they're trendy twist-cut shiny dyed...
You spit out semen, because a jewish girl says,
'she needs clean semen!'
So what, then, because you're sitting on the kitchen table top, and the kids on the copmuter, you see it hapen to her, and every other Heaven girl...
you thunder round the house, because you need the computer, being cool, getting a little aggitated, so you play Slayer, to find a mood for drawing, that you're stuck on and have a week left to finish, because you have found a new story, where;
you DID sleep in Hell,
And the bearded guy, (who now has to look more like a Nazi-cut, with a square head, because depicting a Jesus guy, having his balls sliced with a razor, being filled with tubes of semen-, will still be Christ-like, but, somehow; Why do I say Nazi? Because it's too Holy, to depict a bearded man, in that Hell, choose my man's face from Rehab, a squareheaded muscly man)...it's surer...;)
You dance to Slayer, alone with the dog, in the living room, you dance in front of the Gothic girl form Liverpool, you bother JG, sitting with her grandson, you and the kid, keep pickign up the phone to a cut line, quiet line.
You, pick up the phone and say; ? What? in a deep voice...
You freak about the vision you had of guns and Mum and the kid screaming, you sight;
You see, a black car, that kind of devil black, a nice expensive car.
You were jumping around in the living room, leap backwards on the chair, with legs apart and shoot a gun from between;
'the whore in the skies' legs.
And take on the 'pid' for a fight, because he's playing like Clapton. You remember the last time, in the HOUSE, when second hand jaguars, flew around and around full of dirty old men, playing sixties rock hits;
'Shit He's killed Zepplin!!'
You call a fight, you think this;
'Where is Allah?' You try to call, you send Jewish Girls, you hear screaming, you try to think and see clearly;
Mummy Allah is angry, Lahkshmi kept you fine.' You say, interupting the call, ignoring;
'You know, Hindu Goddesses??? Lakhsmhi, is God of Beauty.'
Last weekend, you drew an arm, the line flew to the bottom of the page, afterwards you put out an alarm, that, you drew fall to Hell. You knew it worked,
on the babies;
That you cry you cant go near, becasue of Hell.
You fall to Hell. You saw other visions, a long-time ago.
Babies with bad men. (cool)
You tell them, whiel sitting in bed. You keep asking to see Allah's face, because Lillith was big-nosed and dark, like a
but her skin formed gray.
You cant think of this woman.
Close a little to Diana, a little like a jewish/greek surrealist painter.
You see your own, very masculine face.
You've grown stubble.
You say they are sucking dicks.
Are the babies dead? Where are the babies??
You say every man is dead. You will fall hebrew men. You rang the Temple a week ago, there is something terrible inside, when God replies;
You are Higher King.
They come back, when you're picking your lice, to tell you the camp.
They leave, when you are lying in bed, feeling pin-pricks from needles, softly in your arms.
What do they say?
but when you hear Jewish women's soul, you only fall into a sweet sleep, without hearing a word.
You see those masculine eyes, the same kind of eyebrows a squarer face, and you see his hate, in a dark blue light;
'Why does he say Neon? He is a fascist...'
I call her;
I found a comic, with the greatest illustration, the cover, I opened it, worse, a sci-fi story about a kid with a Manson doll, and a prosititute mum. working; in front of the kid. 25p
I threw it in the bin, immmediately.
They used to say I was insane, when I went back to my childhood books, to read out loud to the babies.
Now,it's leave, leave.
I called Allah maggot, because I remember a Jewish Granny, (Now they say 'Stay') in her white nightdress, and littel bonnet.
I can't see her.
I can feel her, and other girls do too. I sent girls to her, I heard screaming.
She was very anger.
I don't want a man, I want feminine.
They want a man.
They said; 'Hell, they are in Hell.'
The men who need to die, are pervert.
Yes, I felt the 'granny-maggot' get hot, I turned into a horse, I neighed, I stamped my feet, kicking.
She hates you.
She scares girls in Hate. I want to know what happened.
I went back to jokes, I had to sit alone in another room, in the dark, it jumped. The devil went through me, and I twitched and cackle,d it got me for real this time, I sat fenidng it off, the kids in the other room on the computer;
FIGHT, FIGHT, I try to show women through signs. Too slow, too weak.
I did myself, I played magic, I jumped a devil-light, the devil appeared. I floated down to Hell to catch them in my soul, and saw it, I was weak, but I was black, I looked down, sighed, and said I Hate You. It was giant, sheepheaded, full of maggots. I left. It was still, and Hell was empty. I killed it. I killed it many times.
When I call God, I leave, I just want assurence, and then 'leave'.
I dont want Highest King, it means work and cry, and I'm dead.
Sometimes I see, like, the cat. Most times it's weak. I'm a mad-bug, diving in and out of all kinds of pictures. The last vision, is a female Pharoahs face. 'Like Pharoahs!' That's the End of the World.
Once, I got 'mad-tongue'...it hit another girl who was lover, I walked outside, I kept shouting the word; 'Pakis'. She was hit too, I dont think they ever noticed.
To you, Allah has to be a man.
I said what the devil did.
Full of anger, so much, black and green lights are through my head, shaking me, hitting my veins. Where did the girls?
I thought they were screaming.
'Are they ready to meet God?' this is important...
'They were hit. HE fought. Said;
DEFY ME AND DIE.
They wailed. I said; go. "Leave quick we're Low." I like the British Olympics Advert, of a Greek God, playing chess with a woman, like world-games, and the woman smashing over the whole of the universe by throwing everything around. That was hip. I dont want man.
'Tell me what happened...'
'she said sheol.'
'That you were Heaven, and we're l (looking at you, like you're God), that every woman you have wanted no.
Nicole was cuddling me today.
What do they do?
They weak, they say; 'Are you light? I'm Him.'
(quote; I'm Jesus.)
It was hot anger, it went through my bones, I danced and joked again, I foolishly brought that quick leap of light, soul light is felt, it can make you warm or sick, I don't leave the inbetween.
She was thunder.
You say?, black light, Become Him, God black light, is
i soar in light and I'm jewish King, '...what a fright!...' I am sexual sin...i'm jewish king...SHE is flying HIM...
she wanted me to weep. I said thing. She makes me sin...because?...she weeps...
"I want higher.
It will sight all of us."
I cant meet people, because OF SICK!
MORE SICK...someone walks in the room, and I see
SO I'm drawing, sick, and christ...
I hear the Temple Call;
'Are you Jewish? My name is Mariam, I want Gods, you sing the Roman have died us, I'm here with family...(I wanted to know)...I see Heaven is skies, He says, Be a Warrior, to the skies...he says chic...'you are sexy,...why do you want me?...men will die, never want me...it's sick, he says, THUMP ME EAT ME...'
I had the thought of the death in the Temple, it could be because of the Romans, it could be worse, lost souls, I was dead the moment I left, I felt the death as I walked up the stairs, it knocked me, I faltered on the wobble steps, and felt myself die, I was underground, I was the closest you could get to the Holy Altar, 'the feminine aspect' I confessed everything, I died in fornt of the altar, I didn't pray for peace. I was in tears. I watched jewish girls rocking and I died. not because of sick, because they had pure love, I had sinned, and i was partly hate.
'jewish clean is HIP.'
Every man who sinned, and went to God, died, because I was thunder. The devil wins, if that. It was to kill devil. Just men. Mariam said;
"He is God! Beware Light! Those who have forsaken me, will die...!!" then; "Mummy DIE!"
"She says Wear a Bra! That means, Scottish death! The Romans, the ROMANS wear a bra!"
--- Back to my Call--- the light was neon blue, I call this God, herself, light, sometimes lies, because it's my rib light, alien light, making woman light, highest light, liar light, because I'm just me...soothing light,
'where is this light?' Is it the light of God?'
See Him, just my eyes, my eyes in a dotted strip of dark blue light, angry eyes.
PEACE, I said, I failed in praying for anything but peace.
I wanted inspiration, I said I could sow and reap, wiht inspiration, I kept a tenth back...I rotted in eveyr vision, I couldn't draw. Futuristic Bulls with Giant Horns 'too fascist style...'
My first painting was a huge pink and purple, image of flowers and doves, somehting a little rockier than the normal white dove, it was unfinished, it died, when I felt the Towerblock mood. i was high.
The first time I took genuine alcohol was friday night, since four years ago, unicorn, a bottle top of schnapps, with 'shit diet pepsi. i need too much sugar..." and two half pints of lager, foot stamping because I've turned unicorn, and she's freaking out in my head, that shekinah, I found out other girls do that, so I had to 'base' lift it, keep them cool, white light, something, that put her friends in death;
"My son-in-law is talking me to bed..."
I usually add wine to my cups of tea, and I stalk my mother-in-law, I am eternally forgiven,
and very confused.
Some-one put the thought of chlamydia to me, at my first art exhibition outside the library, I announced this in a woman's mind, over the inter-com.
I was eternally forgiven.
I am the sweetest: C**T, to my sister-in-law.
I am jewish. This is too hide, my underground Irish Nationalism. As I have contacts in the English Government;
"Yes, Gordon, I don't fucking know any politics, surprise them, say your soul, cry you want Jesus, I know you hate Jesus...Now, I am going to bed, fuck off to ya."
I am Scottish
I am trying to be Jewish. Explicitly in this post, just like yours. Your 'lost' humour, your tachycardia/spell-check; Yiddishkeit; "oh look frum-person; sex! hehehe...";
"Jews are suppose to be funny."
"You forgave him for having a sexual disease??"
My face turne (the D button wont work)
"Goron, I take your money, I'm on your list, go away, you will kill me....I'm going to bed..."
'"I'M WITH WOMEN!!!"
into Elo ham, (MY FACE TURNED) last week, after school, I stood in the dark, face a woman, my face turned light blue, I said;
"See this Holy Seal upon my forehea!!"
And I grew lumps and patterns on my forehead, I turned gold, I became
--- When I added two counts of wine, to my pepsi, by singing;
Akon Oty, (Here Beloved) Avara...(WINE!)
I saw the black cat, I shooed it with my foot, as I wandered to the kitchen, the grannies (grans, of great great great great etc.) in the front room, I knew the cat.
The cat had a name, it was a hebrew name, I saw it!
"Annonnn, you know why you died! Leave me!"
"This cat was an evil Russian!!"
"I know this, I am her husband!"
"God torments and kills my soul, for being a Russian man!"
"What kind of Hell is this??! To make my young woman's soul, die because of this previous sin!"
"Are you drinking this?"
"I am a Russian killer, am I drinking or not drinking, I'll do whatever my wife the cat, tells me to..."
----(The Alo-ham story has lost my mind.)---
"He makes you sick!!"
"Whyyy is he die?!!"
"He's retarded? Are you OK?"
"Shit! He's bent!! HE says I'm a chunim, a nerd for killing God!!"
"That fucking dick, he keeps calling Mom red."
"Don't go, if he's Moses, don't go to red, the chunin are red...Tell him sure."
"DAD!!!! She's crying you're sick!!! Tell God!!"
"If he's retarded, be sweet."
"He talks funny becasue he's dead."
"Baby, retarded men are the sweetest." American Israelis.
"OH MY GOD! He farted all the way down the street??!"
(I was preeeeeeten'ing)
"Where is he sick??!!! 'Sister-in-law' keeps crying he's sick!!"
"Now you're playing David??? How can we cry E. is David?? This is going to killllll! Because you can sing?? You think you wrote? What, Man? Michal wrote the majority??"
"Jesus! Moses married David?!"
"Why do you forgive the sick???!!! He's pacifist!!!"
"This will keep me home...."
The Wife: "I don't vant!"
The Sister; "If the Arabs give me sticks, will I die??"
(That worried me. I wrote Little Sister, beginning wiht SIlver Palaces, and Cedar Trees, it's knives, forks, and spoons, I wrote, she will get in a car, and get forks, if she leaves the car....(can't remember)
My project has changed alot, for the 'finished sculpture'; I have tons of sewing to do, and then to piece the squares together onto a long yellow cloth, a large canopy, that seems to have no purpose, because, where can I hang it??, I'm making little bits of dolls-size furniture from match-boxes, I might take the japanese guy, from Hayward Gallery; Walking in My Mind, idea of looking through windows...but no, plagiarised, some shitty neon abstract square paintings, that I'll just hang together with wire, to make them a little more interesting,
so, two sketch-books about time travel, have been, chucked, and lots of fluorescent drinking straws have been stolen...and I've filled my new book, up, in one week,
with; sketches made from that very, silly, little, PC program/application; called;
Paint. (because, it was there, and it gives the book, an interesting style, it also takes me no longer than ten minutes per sketch...I don't care about Photoshopping, and I'm sick of all the 'manga' clones...)
And some scripts, because!
I'm writing and drawing a cartoon-comic-book,
about aliens. zombies (yawn, not original...but these stories are about my visions) and me. and colours of souls.
Most of the script came from 'Yahweh', the aliens are groovy and hebrew.Some of the script, ?? (the word) ; developed, a little better, when I began to think for myself...
this doodle, is the human-boy, who meets a hebrew alien, and he is haunted by dreams of the devil...I made these sketches in the library, and the model for this character was a young boy, who had these amazingly bright but haunted looking eyes, a sweet long mouth with two protuding front teeth, and 'elvin' eyebrows...
And this little alien is the star, that saves the world....
And this is what saves: a kiss!
OK; let me try a dodgy blurb:
A hidden man controls the portal to another world experiencing the armageddon, a girl Dov; trapped in a house, (which is the portal) is fighting hell, she calls for light, a fragment of her soul has been taken by the Devil, creating many zombies, other odd things are happening...the end of the world has already happened, but the humans haven't noticed, death appears, as old age, they are all old, some died in see...a group of aliens love, the girl, (they each hear the other, and this is shown in the way, they all speak...a special link; and they appear to have been chosen by the Hidden Man, to go through the portal, and to bring God (Damn) they have been chosen through love, Z and S are just friends, S is dating A, and .A, (takes a 'drog' and falls in with the 'dead' human's goes crazy and the married Ravztin couple...Z is lousy but the Hidden Man talks through him and he falls for a boy, who hears much worse from Satan, than Dov, and needs to be saved, well, he justs asks him; "Do you love me?" he means god, I added the freak...humans are laughing at Dov for crying God, that's why the aliens appear...defying God has brought the ----, hysterically annoying beings, that drive men mad with their incessant chat, because this group of A sins which are hilarious...an alien called Z. is in love with Dov, the other aliens are sweet on her, because she brings soul...the girls, the boys
ok, blob...they have a sweet way of talking, dialect..
COLOURS OF SOUL,
remember each one has ?? word?? a mirror!! god/sin
vanilla-we worship god, need love so much
blood red-we love god, they lead us, we white.
white-we give love! We are happy, feather light.
dark brown-questioning God, wise
.dark blue-we are holiest.
a very deep dark, purple blue mix-I call it 'dark night of the soul' it's woe...why...high sorrow/love
matte bright blue-we are silly, funny behaviour, jokes.l
light blue-we show Him.
turquoise-we were soul blessed
orange-we think like heathen, intellectual
bright pink-we party like Him!
light grey-we are god intellect.
dark matte grey-hell
light pink-we love. happy.
lemon-wanted love, brought forth Him, worships God.
red-hatred.lilac-we want to party!!
lime green-we are sinning!!
cream white-feel sick
deep black-holy anger
I'll give you some quotes:
: "The Faller, were Hellian, they kept the Earth, with lies, they said; We have burn. They wanted to know how to shell..., how to kill a Heaven's soul...men were never sure, and they let them through."
A: "They became dead. Surer! They found the leader, a Zion leader."
(someone else wrote the script, someone in me)
E: "Little Dov...she's kept. Out!! She's kept, like a jewel. Slept through, every death, wept...Lorded, like a red, slept, and then ran, higher and higher...Ran for hope...I was sure, she was cool...she moped. She leads...she's found a home! (tiny laugh) She is sssoooooo Anglo...like 'ain't, 'bent'...I think she'll hope." Ah: "Disaster! Ab----n lead. He's slimming light!! What a DIG!"
Ahu; "No, you shed!! We ain't hit!! Ain't beg!!"
Ahu; "Why does he witch??!! He's mizzening like a demon...they won't light!!"
humans are screaming, "This is sick!! Sick! Where are we??" (have they fallen to hell? Abn is high on drugs)
taptpatarumtarum, mum mum mum mum, and nanny mum is Isiah line, she swears we're royal Stuarts:
Ha, the Tate Modern, went there Tuesday, after the bus from the blood test unit, stopped halfway on the route, next to nothing, so I got the number, 8, to Canning Town,
'ooooh, will there be lots of charity shops for me, there, I still have a fiver in my pocket with change..." , even after two coffees and a packet of choco-raisins, so much cash left since I stopped buying books for family, and leaving change in boxes, also because of change I had for a very cheap, bad bad, rubbish camera, (now a christmas present for sister)...
The bus stopped at a gigantic bus station, under a bridge surrounded by roads and industrial developments.
'Oh. stupid...' I wandered through London Bridge, and took the wrong turning, I stopped in the middle of a university complex, and rented students flats, wearing a hoodie covered in paint, a filthy coat, and smelly piss trousers, and a hat...I found a cafe, and bought an expensive cup of tea; It was the morning, early for me, I arrived at the blood-test an hour late, with the Indian girl, who likes so much to ask me the same question over and over, even after I can be bothered to answer her, so I had to go to the other unit, because the guy there just pin-pricks the arm, and out comes the blood, not like the stupid nurses, who wiggle it, or try different view two or three times...and I had to buy a coffee, and have a smoke, before I quequed up...and the queque was long, so she left me there, we had been ordered to go back together, but after looking for her, I left for the cafe across the road, and bought a tea.
for the past few months, I have had a terrible fear of flying.
Appearing over Dad or above a live camera, as I sit in the toilet, so, my options have been, to place my hand over myself, and shoot piss over the bowl and onto the floor, because I can't sit over it...or, to pee, in my boxer shorts, maybe wear them backwards, so the key-hole can be pissed through...ha! bloomers, fitted with a tube.
So, I go out, like this, covered also in deoderant spray.
And! To continue.
And do I shit? Yes, the diet is mainly chocolates, I shit my paints, the poppets fall all over the floor, and I clean the floor twice with wipes, adn wash my hands thrice.
I got lost in South London, for 11;00 to the bus, arriving?? 2 and a half later?
I needed the toilet, but when I found Waterloo, the toilet stopped, and saved me 30p.
I found some oddly placed shops, by the riverside...just about missed standing on dog's poo on the gras, wiped that foot, on the mat at a gallery entrance.
The first painting was shit...blue background and regular chunky flowers, colours mismatched, I paint rarely, and have started painting just this year, the pictures take about 45-50 minutes to stop, just a little before, they need finishing...
I'm trying to get to what I saw: what gave me a hunger to leave the Tate,
The first painting was his ------I forget---- and that moment I could SEE!!!!!!!!! how he did it;
A quick light red watery wash for the background, and THEN, loose brushstrokes of one colour, Grey, for the clothing and the sitter, the shadows, were just one stroke, (2 min left) er: the use of colour, the colour was simple!!
so here's two of my 45 min paintings:
THANK YOU AND GOODBYE!!
THE END, back in the fall, give it three...
When I got on the tube, I needed to pray, I can't remember why, but I huddled against a post on the edge of a seat, I started to move back and forth, gold lights appeared, I looked around giggling, there was a gorgeous man opposite reading, also giggling, he was dark, and I checked his eyes;
"Oh my God! You love me! Too good-looking, and I don't like men! See the future that won't happen!" (green = true love) I cut my hair, two weeks ago, I had lice, I cut it with scissors to the scalp, and then tried a weak razor, I had bald patches, and long bits at the back. This was showing under my damn black skullcap.
Then there was a woman opposite me staring, she was about late twenties, she says 31, dark hair, thin bones, big eyes... She laughed.
"Oh my God!" I turned round; "You are beautiful, are you both Jewish!? I don't want to sit here looking at too-good lookingJewish." ---
Then last night, like the buses, women appeared much, I was just resting on the bed in the dark, because my bones and eyes ached. She appeared and lean't her head on my belly.
Then another girl appeared.
She was from the future!!
She lay there cuddling and telling me about;
How, I hold my brushes differently...her name...I knew her name because, (I think/hope) that I predicted her...I had to go...because the poor baby had been sssssoooooooo upset, and then she heard me talk about God.
"Mummie Lars, you talk about Love!" She hadn't heard me try to talk before, but now, last night, I have a little demon, that keeps making me go nuts.
I punched Saul. He was hurting a woman. I saw him try to touch me, I punched him through the chest and ripped out his heart. Then I announced it. And that made the ride home with Auntie, terror, because boys started to do the same, I freak, I stopped them, kept them down, because I knew they would hurt someone innocent, I have a family to protect.
I failed, the punch went through her, I sat there at the front of the car, checking checking checking.
The kids called me. The answer was a huge scream.
I said; "Lets see what you can make in Heaven...the colours, I see the colours silver and dull red, you made a room!!"
This demon; "I don't want the room!! Take it away! That red is sins! I will punish sins!" I wondered why, it was because, I've lost, lost the Holy War...because, the red light went through, and shook me, my soul was screaming and my head was twisting round and round.
She nearly had a heart attack in her soul at the computer, a little thump. There's a new thing and an old thing, a demon.
There was a demon hanging onto a woman for three years, and I couldn't see, I saw it last night.
I saw another woman crying for God, she was being dragged along, with a knife to her neck. She wanted me to save, I only thought, touch her and let her die.
It took me a while to calm, I stopped the heart-thump gently. I kept screaming that the baby wanted to talk, I think we forget she is so young. She said;
She wasn't hearing Love. That's what she said;
"I am God!" Her voice was sweet light, her soul awoke.
I was sick. Angry. Mad.
I left the girl (I know her name, I said this time travel will kill) "And when you paint, you laugh! You say; 'Great!' It's painting souls!"...to sit with her in the kitchen. I went back upstairs
"Mummie Lars, come and watch this TV!"
If I'm her real Mummy, just another Mummy; I remember the pregnancy, Mum was a little black, and this is brutal to a growing child, when I touched her belly, just for the one time, I gave the baby green light. Black is thunder, she stayed in white...
Everyone is still sleeping, and I'm screaming;
Where is she? Where is she? The demon said, make her fall, it's a woman, it's squeaky.
The pikeys, the pikeys that used to go to a heavy metal club with me, they are trying to kill the family, they are brutal sick Devil, they try to bed my girl, they say sick about Dad, they get through the door. You think that's cool, but see what they say, how they look,; dead, evil..ugly old men, filled with maggots, souls like monsters, not just guys on drugs or a little skied with want, because you see her look, and that is wanting.
Yesterday afternoon, I sang two Surahs...I cried death of goat. I ended the prayer with Amen, and had to cool down.
You have to know when to drop, and when to slam, to be clear and free of sin, when you send up your request, send it up to the highest heavens, and beware of telling other people, just keep focusing on Allah himself, flow through, sing the sweet harmony as you relax, which makes the prayer, bow, and bow to keep the song, ask whats wrong, recognisethe freak (something I could havemistaken for sick was shown to me, to stop, doing...also I have Nanny chatting to me from on high, so she got an arabic reply, show who you are, sign language, I kept hitting the front of my forehead, (see it!! You have a seal there, and it is your sacred holy Heavenly name (so, you have a Jewish name, you are Jewish, BUT, your soul name is different, and obviously Hebrew; Nanny's are watching YOU, Nanny's meddle in time...)) and cry you singing Lord...Only to Allah
Muhammed wrote down these words. I sing it like nonsense, but I speak in english, I make the words!!! YES! I wrote it...and I wrote it together with the singer, or rather while the singing was there, I stoppped after two, because the prayer stopped, switched off the record, on that, Amen.
Right; When I sing, I soul...this soul sing...the light is timed to keep you high...Allah, talk high...I became Allah, I cry...I wanted fortune, and it's time...My fortune is SING...We always sing...others sing...we have decades of writing...it's only when I'm in Koran and Islam, that I sing for my soul...A special place for prayer, where everything else goes, and I'm here...I'm clean. I sing nonsense, but they are holy words, they are made like Shakespeare, they take a little of what I think, and Damn! I even swore, I said fuck, but elongated the word, conducted the singer until the word translated as something else. Help??(I dont know)
Someone asked something that is never allowed, he was forgiven but I heard the request and I heard the reply...
I got a headache. I sang out loud, because I played them on record. The headache, was a red light in my mind and I could hear explosions, I think that was the death of the goats. And the Nephillim, (who men believe are the blood of angels) are reallly what is made when Angels get sick, that's all I know. I know we need to defeat them.
I need the pikeys down. They have no other soul, but Devil. Be aware of what meant devil-soul.
The mummy in me is a freak, I worried her so much, and I wanted to help. When PJ had a car-crash, I went walking after screaming and weeping all night (there are parallel universe, and the are different levels of Heaven) I found Mum walking her to school, down through the copse I sitting in, when I saw her face I died, she woke up looking dead, I thought we had been helled.
Please believe these 'pikeys' are sickos. Very sick.