الجمعة، 27 أغسطس 2010

Learning Koran

I was supposed to meet a girl, at my library, on this time, on Monday, a week after we met...I arrived a little early, but maybe late...I stayed there until it closed...about 6 hours, on the computer twice, and then at a table with books...

I arrived again the next day, and stayed for another 6 hours...I had seen her the Friday before, in an aisle, all dressed in white hijab...

http://mysticalpaths.blogspot.com/2007/11/ben-ish-chais-verdict-in-heaven-return.html (this about soul travel, v.interesting

but, I grabbed the bag, from under the table, and ran out...Sitting odwn at the table, in front of the aisle, I spotted a Koran for Idiots...I picked it up and read through a few pages...then I took down a Quran translation that had been donated, I quietly placed it on the table in front of me, some people kiss it, others place it in cloth, I just quietly moved it up the table away from me in a special place,until i felt well enough to pick it up again, because I was goign to think something stupid...I read idiots again, and found an interesting passage, with an Ayat, about Creation...I began to copy down the Arabic into a book and read it after I had written it down...I stayed light, until I heard a woman's voice mumbling ( a voice that sounded like someone I knew, but maybe wasn't, maybe she was a djinn, made from some of her heathen thoughts)...I fought this voice, and continued copying down verse...I thought the woman djinn up to God, mostly I was unsure, I thought it was the woman I knew...I said,

"I'm writing this before God..."

But I was worse, I wanted to kick the woman into a judgement, the thing is, it was her, not particulairly annoying me, but mumbling to herself...I thought she knew what I was doing, and arrived to kill it...terds...then I relaxed, and began writing another verse...still warning the woman, that we were writing and talking before God...I slip quick...but I kept writing...mostly, I speed write, like I speed eat, I don't know why, I think I'm in a rush to keep getting somewhere, to keep walking...and save something for the future...

When I looked at the next verse, my hand was flowing, I was writing quickly, but this time, I could see the Arabic lettering, together...I mean I began to;

Read the verse out loud, the Arabic, as though I was reading out my native language...I mean my pen stopped at the end of the first word, but I read the whole verse, through,  as though someone had given me a lot of help...I could read it, flowing but couldn't yet understand what the words meant.

I told the woman what had happened...that I could hear myself read the whole verse, without struggling...like a little white light had been turned on...I read the verse well, flowingly before my pen could jot it down, as a complete verse..."God heard me!" I said to the woman djinn..."And she's given me skill in reading this,..."

I said; "I'm not sure what the words mean, but they will come to me..."

But I stopped writing,and lost myself quickly, I started calling out, "Bitch", then believing some one was calling me about someone;

"Bugger!" ("Grandad swears, do I have to honour Grandad, with a swear word? I know that is just TOO sarcastic...")

"Bitch." "Bugger!"

I wasn't dying or turning into a demon, I was still light, but the word bugger, just kept appearing...I supposed I was hearing someone talk to me...

الثلاثاء، 24 أغسطس 2010

The Boys!

I'm in the supermarket....flicking through the jewish chronicle, in a busy newpaper stall, where people keep grabbing under my paper, for the heathen rags...there's some interesting articles, usually i read them out loud, but i dont want to hover too long, and I've just spent my paper-pound on a scratch-card, because I'm trying to raise some money for a date, the possibilites of paying for somewhere, or something...

Suddenly I feel eyes, around me, staring intently...

then I realise these eyes are about a foot and a half above the ground...alien-like, eyes of  superior minds...

So, i read about the jewish astronauts, but I dont want to linger too long...and the cousin who inherited the Klimt Art Collection, is a "lucky bastard..." and I walk...

I realise, that, kids that aren't mine, are watching me...the same kids, in an Orthodox Jewish family, I met previously in a supermarket toilet, when I was out, with the mentally disabled group watching our annual film.

I'm not freaked, so I let them see lights from my thoughts, silver, wow, what did I say?...I wear my white wings...to show Angel...

I think I've lost them, as I walk home through the quiet streets. I have to toilet, I have to hygiene...the 'boys' are toddlers...they both wear big muslim looking black kippahs that cover the whole head, and coats that match exactly one of my old coats, brown cordoroy, with hoods...so, they're The Boys!

I dont know why I've been followed...because I'm dreaming about a date with a girl...

The eyes leave, and I pee, I fill the bath...I am bathing with my clothes on...

I sit down to the mirror, and I'm doing things to my face....and then,

 I feel the eyes again;

"...midwitch cuckoos..."

they move off again:

to report:

"That lady  painted a  'Maschtas'  on her face!!"

"She washes her face and sings!"


They talk to me, but I can't hear;..."Why did you wash off the paint?"...

Their sister says:

"If you are on a date, you must sing!"

The boys say:

"She is getting ready for a date, but she is still ugly!!"

I wonder what their Dad thinks, why Mum kept walking with her head moving round, and her eyes away, like she was hearing voices...Dad was pushing a pram, and giggled when he saw me, because I said Hello!
 I said, Boys you wear a coat like mine!

"You must keep singing!"

الثلاثاء، 17 أغسطس 2010

A Girl Called Yes

so I was in the library, with my cherry colour (cola) beside me, writing a list of arabic words...I looked quickly to my right at another table, where a girl had just sat down...I looked back at my books...sighting, this..."IS my folder, with a big ARABIC written across it...look..."

When she caught my attention by standing up swiftly, and leaning forward, I shook a little...

"You are learning Arabic!!"

Yes, I am.

Then she moved towards my table, and stood in front of me...she was wearing black snood, under a black hijab...she was slim. I looked at her side-ways with wandering eyes...she was wearing make-up, good well-applied hazel make-up, purple and black, her face was quite...light/pale...she said loudly:

"Do you want me to teach you Arabic!!!"

I listened to her accent...I said, "You are Russian, you are a spy...Polack...you sound polish..."

"No, no, I am just beginning,...I I I can't make words, I mean I haven't learnt how to put sentences together, yet, ..." And I waved my pen over, the books, and grabbed at one and flicked through...waving at the words in the book...and pulling them towards me like I wanted to hide them...I said;

"I am not very good, I can't put sentences together, I'm a bit stupid...I've know, I I, I've been learning (5 weeks), 5 weeks, no; less, a month and a half..."

she sat at her table again, holding a mobile phone up, and staring at its screen...

I smiled, hoping, looking to see if she was smiling too, and went back to writing the list...but stopped and just stared at it, then looked side-ways, and began gathering the papers and books around me to make a neater space...and she shot up again, and stood over me, her face leaning into mine...

Then I said: "I am doing a course...which I have to pay for...but it is closed for Rama'dan' (rama-daaaaaaan) Rama Rama, rama dan...I I I....daa' daan, I am not converted, I am at ----name--- college...(thinking, someone has planted her here, a polack, why did i give the place....)...it is a charity..(It is a very poor place, that's why we give money, the ceiling has holes in it and messy walls, and the pens run out....)....it has barbed wire, and pen bars over it...it is a charity, (what? organation?) ah, ah"

She lifted her eyebrows.

" I am doing this because...I am silly...and I love poetry (Rumi, Khayyam) and I love the music...the college is behind the ----- Mosque...(will you find me there?) I should not tell you this..."

I think she told me a few times she would teach me, and everytime I said No...I was blushing, and I said so, I was "red." looking down at the book...I thought; "I haven't blushed for a very long time, I did it all the time at school, in front of pretty teachers..." (I was even mute for a whole year of Graphics...)

"You were born a muslim?" I asked, because I was sure she was a polish convert...she bowed and looked:

"YES! I was born a muslim..."

She was standing there looking, while I blushed...I moved the book:

"I, I also go to a ART...a school...I mean...art-school....just , I mean a silly little course at a local college...I am embarassed about Rama'dan, I am so stupid to pronounce...so,

"I also design mosques, well a little, it stopped...I am doing this course, because I want to go to study Architect....tect...tureeeeeeee....ar-architect (I am stupid so I will say that wrong, also)...please leave me...'

She replied:

"I know alot, of, mosques...!!"

"No, no..."

"My name is Lou, lou...not the boys one, Louis...What is your name?"

Loud, she leaned very close to my face, she had quite large lips and they were hazel, and I said "Autumn!" ("because I used to wear my mum's hazel coloured lipstick when I was a teen, and I love Autumn colours"):


"You are YES, YES!"

I repeated her name, and pronounced it perfectly...

She leaned forward again, and shouted:


"Please leave me..."

She said:

"Can you meet me, here, at the same time, on the same day??"

I said:

"I am going to my parents....no, no...yes, I can meet you here, on Monday, pleaase leave me alone...."

She sat down at the other table again, I wondered what she was doing here, why she had no books, the reason for her being in the library, was because she was a spy sent to find me, a russian spy...she was holding the phone in front of her again, up in the air, doing nothing but stare at it;

I ran out...I left her with:

"Do you smoke?" She said: "No..." like she was sad ...I ran out, and sat in a corner by the entrance...then; she walked out a split second after, holding the phone up in front of her...and turned the corner to the car-park...I went back in, and sat at a computer, looking out the window...but I saw her drive away in a small red car...it was sad, so I wrote my email address, and left it at her place at the table...


There are songs in Hope, and for some reason this is my YES song...It played in Dad's car...it lifted me...The Klaxons-Echoes...it's nothing special...

الاثنين، 16 أغسطس 2010

The Moon Lady

"I want fight!! Shine my King is SOUL!!"


Every Sin is HIM, He was first lover!

I see the End of Death, we will...."

A Girl CAlled YEs

soundtrack; (so, I said hi....hiatus)

Baby D-Let me Be Your Fantasy, followed by:

Warriors Dance-Prodigy,

How Soon is Now-The Smiths

, after a fight with an afro nerd goth;

and light awoke: and she said:

"I am LEVANNAH< THE QUEEN OF LOVE< my name is ;;;;"

A Girl Called Yes

Sometimes, when I'm in red...or unsure of what to say, or rather how to say, because I'm usually insulting someone before in an uncontroallble spurt of many forgein languages I talk like a 'fat-girl'...a dumb dumpy meek nuttter....

I was unwittingly, and too quickly, writing down a list of words; he praised, he chased away...planning my colour chart to make tonight with my colour pencils...writing sooooooooo quickly I didnt register howwwwwwww to remember the words...I didnt register that that Alif in the middle of a few words...that, the word had to be read, all, together...as a flowing line...so Iraq, and Iran helped out, and I forgot the F and the Qaaf, again, and flipped back through the beginner book, which has lost its cover, and is covered in scribbles... I also translate my poetry on a computer...if you read back, you know I have been calling Father...

the quotes from the Quran at the end of the book, were full of Making Shaytan, and being in Darknedd, as though, I thought one line didn't make sense, it said: God made the Darkness...I was supposed to read that to Father, but;

I only said: "I suppose... (that you)..."

Oh what have I done? Called every leader in God, hebrew ones, that I'm;


because I couldnt go back to him, with I'm dead...and last week was so dark, I read Boy in Striped Pyjamas...I read that through telling...


The Fury; someone thought I was calling for Fuhrer...I was just reading my book...I said I like Fury! Not Furher...

I bought the cherry cola, cheap, because I like to smoke after about half an hour out side the library doors...I'm getting weak, so I eat alot...I get weak from walkign up stairs, I got suddenly dizzy from the heat...so I skipped Ramadan and could never make a Hajj, in the desert, but I call God, and I have Angel Wings...I see I am gold inside my eyes and in my hands...I discovered in the book-shop when I lifted a hand to my head, and there was a glow of light from the tap, and flowing about my hand...but I change colour,and each colour is a soul...

I thought, What did I tell HER? ( a womans voice, I know my reaction to men.)

A HOUSE OF LOVE, ('built' by me)

I sent green eyes (true love) I sang lemon (worship)


I was worse down here...bad...damned...

A Girl Called Yes

I'm in the library trying to pronounce Philistine, and Lubnin, creectly....c.o.r.rec.t.l.y...the plan was to stay. away. from. the house...

I bought a Costa coffee, for 2 pounds 5 pence, I had 10 pounds today...I get five a day...yesterday I spent 3 pounds, but I still had a flim (a five pound note) ...I picked up twenty pence off the floor, earlier, on the way to the bus-stop, dodging large dollops of stinking dogs-poo, sure I was going to end up smashing my face in it and licking it with my tongue, it's this uncontrollable flying...

stay with me... I gave the server guy, one 2 pound coin, and a fifty p coin...then I remembered the twenty p coin...I took his hand as he was tapping up the machine, took the fifty, and replaced it with the twenty into his hand....ok so;

cost of cappuccino (I went there to sit for at least an hour over Arabic books)

: 2:05

cash given 2:20 p

change received: 45p

HA! so I grabbed everything quick, which was a bit silly, because I nearly spilled it (and I've left two cafes, because of things like that...like manky crisps, split tea that had been dropped in front of the counter, and no refunds)

and later bought a cherry coke, for 39p (national London prices 60-70p) at the 99p store;

OK, that's the story of the coffee, later one of the library...

الأربعاء، 11 أغسطس 2010


"The Pavilion got blown up last night...Me and my mates."

Outside the door of the hospital, on a fire alarm call, smoking...

"Yes, because I sent you through a bright (neon) blue door, to Emelbert, where there is a World Wide War...you've been there for weeks..."

Making Music 2

(beware of this post if you're frummy)

If you seek Amy tonight...Sister gets a free million dollars, and discovers my favourite club, in a white tunnel, through the big doors into an auditorium, with small doors into a movie area, full of horror films, and art-horror films...the last time I tried to get to the club was by a magical underground tube station route...I'm in a dark city area, but the frum (jewish girls in skirts and headcoverings ) -girls want me to pray with them, I want to go to the club, I wake up...and go to the station...still in the dream

"Now they're closing up the club..." It doesn't make any sense does it?? But I discover on the way, she's bought it out, my sister, with the money I gave, and it's been closed down..."Ohhh..."

Amy always disappearing on her benders...They are people standing in our way, on the way to see a concert featuring Amy, the Britney chaperone tells them to clear the way, because I'm a unpopular boss in Heaven...I turn into a man...Rehab, Summer 08 or 07...she calls me in the garden, I'm high on a mixture of red pill medication and things from Heaven needles I put in my hand, I dont want to talk, we last met in a karate match...Aunty is a big afro-haired nerd, very tall....she has a monotonous voice...I recognise it..."Can somebody, take me home?" Now we allllll know Amy's favourite drink...I turn into a family guy...

In A Place, was a soul song, an awful attempt at honouring a family who wanted me to marry their little daughter...it was the first family...it contained an F chord...to B...to an Eminor...magic that I found the chord sequence...I even sang it...

the paracetamol event went on for about 2 weeks, that's two weeks of taking magical MDMA.

There is also, the Wibbly-Woof, of Planet Jesus, light blue dust,, silver trees, one mental disabled trip out to a park, I was taking drugs every few steps...say 200 yards...I took;

Ezquitar Dime; gold dust. That makes me sing in fluent Italian...

LSD (acid) a pile of dark blue stuff...american stuff...that made all the trees become more trees, dark blue dusky trees...

I was wary of Dabalien Evil, (a grey dust, a dark grey the colour of Hell)

The black liquid stuff, a type of acid,

I was also walking and writing a book, with someone taking down my lines...

In the hospital, I took a whole night...I took some of the blue stuff...the next morning I had  blood/or rather a routine urine test...they found


that was surprising, because I had only taken LSD, and too all accounts, because I couldnt leave the premises, I was taking no more, than other peoples tobacco...

There was a horrible night too, when I lay in bed, and men flew to me, and injected me in the body with about ten needles, I had to call Amy, and told her...she sang to me, and said cool...I managed to fight the drug, and got up ten minutes later feeling OK...I didnt tell what happened exactly...then a long time later, I thought maybe she was with bad men, who had been put "Into her FLY"

One day she told me she was on the way to church...I was fighting Satan, there was a hugely obese monster man outside the window, made of shit, actual faeces for flesh...I killed it...I encountered a black hound with big firey red eyes lurching at me, as I stood outside the doors with mum and dad, smoking...I grabbed a very silly, giant sword made of neon blue fire, and sliced it in half...I kicked the bin.

Now I know the obese man wasn't Satan but an old aquaintance...a very sick man...flying to our car, with the baby sister inside, and telling us:

"Chicken Liver balls, chicken liver balls..."

And other things as recounted here: PJ HARVEY (be prepared for bad lyrics)...who in fact I think I have always forgiven since I heard the song...particularily the sick, the fact that I have been fighting this pervert for along time...and that he said those things to my sister just turned 11, and did more...

I want him dead...

IS this six with a piddopile, how many times have I cried him to HELL...cried Hell, and the first fly, was when I thought I was calling friends...it was becoming, years more of Hell...see-ing things he did, see-ing him

well, this recount, is ...perhaps you find it funny, but there hasnt been one day in four years, when I haven't died and screamed and fought, and think, also, that he would fly to the kid-sister...

he keeps making a man in the house, call out "small penis." over and over... and what are you supposed to make of that?

I just left her, I've left her alot..why? why? why? perhaps I don't understand...look; red:

God...this is anonymous...I think writing things like this is trouble, VENGENCE, a silly word...Now I'm cursing now I'm praying for a girl to see him Hell, not lovers...if I reveal things she will never recover, so why cant somebody just make her think NO?

"May Father Hell him Foul" This man who used to repeat disgusting words, because we? I thought he was in white man Hell, and even on lotssssss of cannabis began to realise they were seedy men, sitting in a cab with two them and suddenly calling out loud they were peddles, and then the all the magic, old men appearing, knowing in Soul to get the Hell out of there, running to a police station see-ing everything turn to night...discovering there wasn't any fight with God or Satan in him...getting sick on them appearing at the house every-day...hating, screaming making such a fight that I smashed windows, hated in the end see-ing his handsome face, whacking him with the nearest item, a curtain pole, bang straight into his forehead, the creepier men appearing talking about the invention of concentration camps,

being called, a "Holocaust Boy."


Then wanting him to know I was King...

Ran screaming. And every day fighting Hell...see-ing Foul

الثلاثاء، 10 أغسطس 2010

Making Music

                     plan b-prayin' (respected/be patient)

" Love-Stoned...I think that she knows." Interlude...wow, I always say that part looks like the Judean Desert...the story of how that was made is new to you.

And I know I was playing violin, up 'there' and Emelbert rat-people saw magical Northern Lights, singing a Queen, and well, it was a Christmas Present, The Good The Bad and The Queen, that was my piano with Damon, (I called him when he was in Iceland, but I was in bed dribbling, and I had a boys voice, I was the Hero of Ezquitar ; Louis Dov, and I said I knew he was secretly taking heroin, he just called me a "Prat." I was upset, but I kept chatting) and its about my area, I had an idea of writing Michal , who first appeared in my sisters room, over a pool of fire, I had opened wide, and thrown a dagger with a turquoise handle into, and the flying witch shadows and the flower in her hat, sitting on luggage waiting for a train, I tried to remember her Aramaic, and I wrote a little play, I made a mad family-tree, which included names like Jesus, I wrote lots of song-words, and in our shared mental hospital kitchen, even remembered chord sequences, and played a guitar in their and sang my first completed odd song, In a Place, and I got

a headache every night

so I took paracetamol, that had been spiked magically with the drug Ecstasy, and so I tried to find and collaborate with kids doing Garage or House or Drum n Bass songs, with a pad of lyrics and worse, some dedicated to Jesus, and then this insane rap goingthrough my mouth, for hours in one night:

"I is the blood of Aaron...etc...etc..." and I saw a man and woman riding a cloud, and I thought I was getting stuck in their head, but I sat on the bed until dawn...

and I've even met Pink, calling me at the hotel/mental hospital, because we wrote together, and Britney called at the Rehab...and Amy Winehouse, talked 'sadly' ??? not sure ...cool...in Summer 2006, when I lay on the lawn in my mothers garden...and course PJ, singing Good Fortune with my boys today...I just wanna be humpy, I'm a bit sick of, being told that they know I'm ill, i want to be able to tell them something well

lots of dribble, I want new songs


                          plan b-prayin' (respected/be patient)

"Be in Peace."

So you need to know Lars Shalom called Allah (her)Self, about two months ago, and things were a trial, and i called her again and i didn't want to hear, then i wanted power to listen, which meant calling Her to relate, and repeat Herself, then i wondered why i could make people know my mind, or create magical; images, without going to Her, then i saw lights around my head, and said Turn Them Up Louder, meanwhile men were still getting through the door, and then bed got better, then i got worse, and didn't go to find a quiet or public haven to prayer, so lost my memory in tajweed class, and started screaming, when the whole class was calling out a list of arabic words, one of which kept repeating through my mind, as I realised I had just begun singing The Shema, and then crying that I'm hebrew, and we're dead, and I'm "Proud to discover I am part of the Holier People..."...then dropping a book, I'm meant to buy for another, because it said Jerusalem was to be found in Palestine...and of course reading this to God, and worse, when I went back to return a book in the Islamic shop, (a part three book, that I thought would be no problem, but was full of annoying verb usage) found it closed, "For Prayer" and read the poster on the wall to God, about THIS, (more than a charity organisation, a story of a very clever woman who could recite the entire Koran, a doctor or teacher, was set up by the American government, lied about and tortured continually, and had her children taken away from her, after lies that she had shot at men in an airport, by concealing a gun under her clothes, when she was married to an american man (???)...the charity wasfounded at the beginning of this year, lots of government lies."...the muslim under world...") and reading her baby had been discovered in a pool of blood, while she was still being tortured in prison... I forgot about while she wept, and I ran around my garden, listening to Serj Tankien (lazy, music tastes, all the same stuff for about a year on record) which all made me think I had to cry, and so I "BECOME a silly Armenian accent, (because now Dad is Armenian, and my accent is magically exact, and singing to people in other countries, stuck with me conducting comedies, people I've found on blogs" and lots more about jewish people being stupid and unholy...and She told me the woman was now in Heaven..

until i just left with a pile of new sins, and at the last a huge scream in the skies, and requesting dead people to pray and kill, then pray again...and then though oh no bother, and then tried to find what the name is that appeared in my head; AMIDAH, as I was trying to cleanse my soul, and channel a holy cry in Emelbert, to just showing individual souls, and then worse, reading a book and writing sexual sickness....and always asking Her for help and forgiveness, then my eyes that turn dusky grey, which is the colour Satan, after all those years of fighting Hell, pretty well actually...I had a bad dream this morning...nothing to tell....I asked if she could see the Dream, the Her is a Jewish Shekninah

Jalla Jalaluhu!

"When you arrive in Arabia, Holiest Christ. We have Paradise..."

...The Mother is the Source of All things.....

A special time is peace, the music is the breath of life.

She keeps saying " they want red", I don't know what red meant. It's pissing me off a little.