الأربعاء، 28 أكتوبر، 2009

Protest

I'm very rude...

And my rude language, unfortunately is in German, I hate myself when I start shrieking, especially...in German...

Well, about twelve years ago, (ok, ten. oh! eight years ago!) I went to the West End, with my sister and a cousin, this was when I got stoned, rifling through the kitchen and under sofas, to find odd little pieces of compressed marijuana...When we entered Trafalgar Square, we saw a protest, against University Fees, we got free red t-shirts, which I still have, and placards, we carried ourselves all through to the Strand, making or own protest, long after it finished; having our photos taken by Japanese tourists...It was a small meeting,

and while I climbed up onto a black lion, they were organizing below, I threw a cigarette end, down into the collection of wooden signs...a woman got angry with me...

"OI! Juden Zwitter (dyke)!! Who are you? A messy bitch! Don't tell me what!! You're FAT!!"

And.

That's it. It makes me think about locals.

This week, I've been awful. Schtum...

السبت، 17 أكتوبر، 2009

Art Class

I have lucky school...the teacher flirts with me.

I'm making a project which fills up two books, about snogging a rock singer, and time travelling back to Germany...it involves scientific equations...and stories about aliens...

what it has become, is a joke on religious worshippers, rat-people lauding, giant paper maiche Buddhas, a little wooden cage, covered in fluorescent paintings, portraits of me, a girl, and (HETA-UMA) inspired paintings of female singers, put together in a huge japanese house, with car-toys and neon snakes, and a collage of me in photos...and non-matching oil-painting in construction of mountains, alien people, butterflies, naked giant women, and Kurt Cobain

overhung with a bright embroidered canopy covered in colourful symbols. The theme is:

Scale and (whats in our); MIND

The tutor is jewish, she has just married, she has soul, she showed me: Maus (because of the RATS) MAUS is a jewish cartoon-comic based on WW2, where the 'gangs' are represented by animals;

Mice are Jewish, Cats are German, the British are FISH?? Leg-less animals that save occupied Europe? Can they fly?? Russians, I think, are PIGS, which makes them, the swine...that upset many Russians...Americans are dogs, my little sister, is crying for dogs, because we got a bit mixed up in talking, the Holy Wars, in the Book of Revelations...so that, a kids film, about an evil Persian Cat, controlling nuclear bombs, has to be defeated, by white American dogs, IS our Holy War; so telling that:

SHEEP, are DOGS

GOATS, are CATS...so she's pissing Mannie off, with our chant to the people; "YOU ARE DOGS!! DOGS!! REMEMBER YOU ARE THE DOG!!"

Tutor is SOUL, last week, I was kissed, from across the table, and I didn't savour the kiss, I just mumble, something shocking happened, we sat next to each other, drawing a grid, for a mural, and went into soul, we both jumped from the table, and hollered;

'you think I want your pussy!!' -something something-

Yuck, I thought, I hate my soul...I said, 'that is sick, I vant to hear no more sick, this outburst, is, kar sarvers, it is the worst sin...and vhat am I to tell husbands, I am right to stay down, but I love zis...', and stared at the table. she looked at me sideways and giggled...

I think she is jewish, because she has funny eyes, I know I dont look at women, properly...

The life-drawing class was worse...this is in the evening, and taught by a male tutor...the model, was a very thin anorexic woman with quite short hair, when he walked round to see my charcoal drawing, he started shaking, and woofing...

I went mad.

"Bastard, you are looking at a naked woman, through my easel, and if she is my wife I want you dead!!! I am going to burn you!!"

So, I walked through the class room, to a fat-boy, because I wanted his tobacco, so I could leave, the class, and go mad, outside, worse...the fat boy giggled, and I saw, a quite fat gold naked woman's body, what he could see:

I died...

He was looking at me, and giggling while rolling the tobacco, and then I saw a very tall woman, with long hair, I completely died, and tried to get out the locked door, got told off for the wrong door, and wanted to cry, I imagined, I saw another woman looking for me,

"Well, if this Viking woman, because she is german girlfriend, is looking for me, I forgive you...she is wanting..."

Outside, I walked around, screaming, that silly man appeared, covered in an aura of bright red light:

I WANT HUMAN MEN DEAD!!!!!!!!! I WANT THEM DEAD...

I'll BURN THEM, I forgive fat-boy, but I will burn the tutor dead, I divorce that woman!!!

When I came back in, I was calm, I began another picture, and the tutor appeared just in front of my easel, and made me hysterical, because his head, turned huge and orange, and it left his body, and wobbled behind my easel...

then I started talking to the model, this time, she was lying, on the floor, and cushions, hiding her face, I said:

"I'm magic!! I can tweak your nipple without touching!!! -Tutor- did a picture of you, and I know it was me, is he in love, with Angel's Love?? because he drew, a wider woman, with long hair, tyed in a chinese needle??..."

I said; you are weeping, this line underneath your arm, is thicker, because you are weeping, and the legs, are nice and round, so one darker curve...I'm putting prayer in it, too, I want hebrew boys, higher, blue to look red, bring rebellion, women back into soul, so they can weep, and I rubbed the shading round, and over the picture...

It's the charcoal sketch, that made, it, so I'm selling it online...for #40 pounds?? I'll make a little less...

---Nazi's---

the tutor, sees, me as a black cat, with a silly beard...Am I a black cat?? 'No...moos'

for the last two mornings, I've woken up in odd films, in the first, film, I'm training as a pilot, I am in a room, like an airport waiting room, and I have:

a long, tattoo, on my inner arm, in green and black, of a german missile diagram..this morning too, what do they put me in?? I'm talking to DiCaprio, saying ' we're lucky they see this Italian, think I'm Italian...I played a stupid computer a while ago, four men on a mission to break into a Nazi underground bomobsite, and I was playing silly jokes, like; I vill hypnotise you too!!, the guy who helps, El Duce!! El Duce!! suddenly reminding myself, think? that that's Mussolini's nickname? And the Weasel saga, I kept walking round the garden, crying out, dirty kike, (because I make these words up, mad!!) which led to him, I am told, pretending he is jewish, I can see he is blood of witch-hunt, the hunter, most likely....which must have stuck me in these scenes ?? Nazi Heaven dreams??
---When I was younger, I lived with Gipsys...I can speak Romany:

Gentile-is-; Chanah (like Gringo)

Fuck You-is-; Cha-mao-a

----

MY embroidery helps, prayer, I'm married, I've married a cool girl, who wears grunge-mod clothes, and works in a Brassiere-making, job...

She was brain-damaged, I prayed for two days, for about three hours, for the last two days, in my room, and 4 parts of 39 damaged parts are healing...

do you have to believe?? I'm also managing crazy Nanny's pysche, a little less bully, swearing, and some more help, kindness...because I could come back with this, and say it's failed, and what could be telling me this?? SOmeone who also told me, there is a much quieter, girl, somewhere, who you haven't known, crying help, us, Father....

She wants me back, today...I have to leave about two and a half weeks, before the next prayer...and discovered, that praying in my mind, was failing, because, my shoulders ache, and my brain is full of junk, and screaming, so I kept the light, in my swift sewing arm...pricked my fingers many times, when I said; things like; Dont care if Jesus died, Hate my Mum,...

And realised, I had to leave the prayer carefully, by calling it off around my soul, so I wont shake her...yes she's young...and I have a terrible, couth and cold...

and....? another thing; something is letting men through theday, about every half hour for a few minutes, I went totally pyschotic, like;

'I'll do something that will break the whole prayer down and knock you...I was talking throughout the whole prayer and told her to just sleep, I was talking when she wanted talk, (and I feel them fall, it crashes through my mind, and I get sick) and leaving to talk to others, when she began to sleep, told her, try to rest without listening, and how to keep Mum less violent, by remaining cool, in the power of light, like, she could make her make the tea...I spyed on Nan, and when she talked about me, and the girl I was tlakign to, to make conversation, Nan, says; Fuck Off, I saw a man, there, I saw three times, someone trying to punch her head, and I've managed to keep them away, and when I get high...nicotine, just go....stop worrying you have to be there, and If I'm saying things like arse, while looking for the dropped needle, then I say, low...sorry....that's a surprise...talking like that, every ten minutes!!

green and silver lights, and she's so white, with long black hair, and dark brown eyes...when we married, I guessed, because I couldn't hear, but I felt so high, and then saw the colours, but I run away from high...
and she was taller than me, and I need, that awful photo of us, arriving at this house, with bendy legs and messy hair and heavy bags...where mum used to call me bitch whenever I arrived home...
nu

The baby's walkign around slamming doors, and now she is crying in fROnt of the tv...i CALLED OUT, WHY IS SHE CRYING?? and now I can hear a silly woman, crying ;

I said, you don't love her...some stupid arabic accent, 'is this Ala? from the bus?? the girl that said, I love you, and heard me cry, in my coat, because I feared evil, the girl wearing Niqab, and the other muslim girls downstairs with me touching my arm, because I said she had to go??

Now, they are all crying...I said who are you??'

Allah...Allah.....Allah...

'you cant be Allah, because that's not cool...'

crying.

Remember, sensitive age!!!!!!!!!

well....bof...out of my hair
----

Art Class, continued:

---"I hate being blind!! Everyone sees this, I am blind!!"

The fat-boy laughed; "You think he's looking at your bird...he wants the model so much..."This is perfect, I want, Oh God, we're jews!! See -models- sexual....Oh God!! -model- that charcoal, is wants...."

الجمعة، 9 أكتوبر، 2009

Sister, Seven yrs ago

I had to clean up, somehow, with the sanest people in my family, (the kid), what happened the night I became full of light, (that happened in the aunty, who lived to the WEST, house (reason for going WEST, earlier, in this blog)...I sat there on a seat, and said,

'I am God, see my face, my hair, it has become white light...why do you sit there crying? you sit there weeping, dont Fear...'

what I actually THOUGHT; was; 'Why are you scratching at your hair? you see what's happened to me...and you don't care...you have lice in that too curly hair...you just scratch your hair...'I got up well, and left her house...and when I walked the street, in the dark, a blue UFO, appeared...I thought, Mum, Dad, and the kids were all taken away...), YES!!

so, in the night of the visions, and, the reason for arriving, late at night, at my parents door, crying I had been raped "By Aliens" and actually, salivating, spitting and dribbling, foaming at the mouth as I screamed in the hallway; which made me fear God...to Mum and Dad; "Tell Father I am RED!! Why does He punish me for RED???"

and that sending Michal back in time to explain things, was

stupid,

because a seven yr old was discussing with her;

that; "Aliens, will take us up to Heaven..."

"She is dead...because she hates her baby, she made a baby...I can see it, it looks cute, it has special skin because it is gold...and it says 'Mummy Mannie is aliens'...Gabriel loves Mannie..."

I explained to my older sister, that;

"When I ran through the house, tripping, time sped, and I saw old men, on a computer...and that 'sicko' and 'thicko' were making snakes together in the shower!!!! (I stopped there) (but recalled this) And then 'ex-man' punched me in the face, and when the fat dyke, didn't strip-search me for having a marijuana end in my hand, because the other cop intervened, and then a dirty 'looked like a troll' man who couldn't have been a policeman, because he was perve troll, under God's control, brought me back there, and when he said, 'be a good little girl', I screamed!!!!!! and spent the night looking at the love-bird, and slept in the spare room, and it was like my heart was physcially bleeding...for a dirty twonk..."

Friday, April 08, 2005

Friday, April 08, 2005

There is something seriously wrong with me, and no-ones noticed. Oh, they notice alot of things wrong with me, but this is recent. I've always been pretty quiet, especially round my family, yes, surprising I know...but, I just haven't talked about much lately, haven't listened properly and anything I do say is just silly.

Had to go to Mazza's the other evening while Jools lurked about in the alley. I knocked on the door and nonchalently leaned against the wall with my hands in my pockets and one foot crossed over the other.

She opened the door cautiously; 'Hey Sugar' I said, (that was affectionate sarcasm, from her calling me 'Sweetie' all the time). Then, I marched straight through the house, through the kitchen, with a, 'I'm here to pick [Jools's] stuff up and use the toilet' to the bathroom at the back of the house, with no how are you, how are you feeling. Really, I think it was too bit much for her to call the police on him, but then I would, and i suppose she couldn't really do much else...

Then, while talking about him in the kitchen over a cup of tea,(yes, jools was still hanging around in the alley) i said;

'Someone said, er, I think it was my brother actually, that he think Jools's gone a bit mad.'

'Yes, he did go mad...'

'No,' I interrupted, 'I mean, in the 'mind'.'

And she put her hands over her face and looked like she was gonna cry And I thought oh shit, what a stupid! thing to say! Like, is she gonna call doctors and all kinds of stuff...whoops...and she started talking about all the things she does for him with no appreciation,

'Don't do anything for him then, you're treating him like a baby'. (I have to admit now, I wanted to 'quote' something as written in a dire 'regular' conservation, and I suspect I was doing it all behind an evil croaky laugh...)

'Yes, you're right, he's an adult, he's 20.'

Then, later, with Jools more stupid stuff, came out of my 'I have no care for anything, especially what I say, I am bored' mouth;

'Oh, yeah, I told Mazza you were gay as well.'

'WHAT!? You told her.........what did she say?!'

'She just put her face in her hands again.'

'And I convinced her that she was gay as well.'

'And did she........?'

'What?' I wasn't paying any attention by this time....

'Did you convince her she was gay.'

'Oh. Yeah. Nah, I didn't say that. AND you better learn to be more appreciative, CHUMP!'

الاثنين، 5 أكتوبر، 2009

Coming Out

I talked to my family through the walls..."What do you want in Heaven tonight?"

for. presents;

Mummy wanted a baby.

"Ok, I've made the baby it's on the way!"

So they got a trip where they fly around the skies...

I gave my sister, mine and Polly's apartment to share with friends, a west-end rich London looking apartment, in a city, called;?

Keval.

I sent auntie a ticket to Edalia, an alien country.

My sister is a Grade 2, in Magician-ship.

I built my cousin a little loft apartment 3 blocks down, from the Jazz avenue; 93rd street. A totally hot place full of black american and jewish musicians, many bars and clubs...

I was down to 3 million, he had earned 30 pounds, so I left him 5,000 in a drawer, I gave him a Van Gogh, style kitchen, like the painting, the actual painting not just the things he painted, but real oil blobs for tables and chairs, very bright colours, but I had to appear the building, with a dark bar downstairs, because the flat I bought had no outside balcony...I decorated the walls in dark blue paint, and one wall with newspaper wallpaper of the Titanic disaster, a single bed by a window, a stereo in the wall, with two speakers by the bed, a little sofa, some wine, stupidly, a bottle of 10,000 year old vintage...so I snapped that back, and sent Planet Jesus, alcoholic lemonade.

I left my sister a million.

While I was still making the flat. I saw a vision of her ideas for furnishing;

bright pink rugs, bright pink everything, and room for her Chihuahua. I stuck a cute little mahogany and black toilet, just like a round raised one, with a button flush, and a shower coming through the ceiling in the corner, I told him it was a hole in the ground...

then we decided to go clubbing with Isiah, and Ashalzebar...I could talk those names easily, that was surprising to me!!

I woke up this morning in a room with my mum and dad trying to murder, and an angel picked me up, and we drove away on a motorbike...

band of the month; scottish, Twilight Sad