السبت، 27 فبراير 2010


...She watched me at night, she was 10, I was 8...I had a collection of Narnia, the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings books, that I read in my room until past bed-time. She said:

"You have to sleep, because you have school."

"School is horrible, because they are bad."

"If they hate you, we are dead..."

"I hate dead. Sleep..."

In the playground:

"You are skanky mongs!!"


"You are stupid! That lady says dead!! She says 'baby'! Baby is bonks!!"


I was bullied continually, by a choir boy, it was getting to me that he sat in front of me, and never stopped, at home Mum annoyed me with you, "you fancy him, you fancy him..." I started going nuts, really weeping, unable to work, wearing odd socks, and hating my new a-line skirt which I had to pull down to cover...the only person that was good to me was the nun, the head sister...we made autumn leaves paintings, she went nuts at a boy, I thought I would die, mine were orange and purple, she was overwhelmed...she loved them...sometimes we watched her from outside the boys toilets, grabbing a boy by the shoulders, and shaking him and shaking him, til his head wobbled, and he started to cry...I stopped having friends, and stayed with the choir-boys dinnerlady mummy, holding her hands...she died young...

she giggled about school..."They are Thank, and you said, I hate believing in God, you thought Evolution was wise. I like God." I argued with the Christian teacher, and wanted to explain how the world appeared, her argument was to make us try and recreate the world using sand and glue on paper, I said she was stupid, but I love her, that day I got whacked for using another girls eraser. She giggled; "You are dead! Stop crying, that girl is pig..." When she got ill we cried..."She is dead, she has got cancer." She watched me pray and she sang, and giggled, "You said; Gold lights...I saw Heaven, it has gold lights..." I couldn't see, and I couldn't hear.

She heard; "She will be free in light, and the leukemia will go..."


She would kiss my forehead, as I slept.


Yesterdays Memory: Nanny loved my were-bear, it was yellow, and had adujustable jaws, showing teeth, or being cute, I kept it cute, except when I wanted to fight, it came with a story on cassette, the story was terrifying, I'd play it and scream, it had a "Holy Flag, because it's green and white...like Nanny's Indians...Nanny said our flag..."

الجمعة، 12 فبراير 2010

Noble Warfare

The first night, I held a knife to her behind...I thought I could hear a man...I'm sorry that's you, I heard a man...that was fine, It wasn't noble warfare, I wouldn't go far; because, this man had done the same to me, and I wanted him to freeze. I told her the Mohammedan rules, 1. Fight accordingly, grab a man from behind and cut the throat. 2. Kill only for Him...3. Be Righteous in fight, bring the sword upon the head. Cut only the throat, stab only the heart...well, I tried to tell her, but I wasn't sure... ...the second time I learnt what could make a fable...I held her behind...the gold lights made a fable, the fable was cooking, it was called:

'the best book in the world'

I rolled around laughing...I'm laughing all over the bed; "I'm Bryon, I'm Annnie!!! I'm angry!!"...I had to toilet, I peed everywhere, jumped out of my trousers; "That's OK..." laughing at the

best book in the world;

"The Holy Bible!!" "I see it! We have made the English Bible!! The BEST BOOK IN THE WORLD!!" " " 2 minutes of joy of sex...let's keep making fables!!"

"Ray? Whats the best book?"
"MISHNAH!!! kama sutra!! THE BIBLE!!

"Joy of Sex! Joy of Sex, defunct penis, two minutes of dud, made Joy of Sex!! Ahhahha!! Just cuddles...only cuddles..." "Let me listen;; Allah will tell me; edomites!! You hated me, for that amount of time..."

"Isiah!! Job was the wonder!! Because it ended with our highest love, forgiveness...all the arguements in Isiah, then JOB!! Only it starts with new wonder in the New Testament...you reply to me with good love, in the questions from Job, you give me every question, we never know the answers!! God does this to keep the Covenant! Enshallah Forever, never question God...he never gets answers, because he is only man...it thrills!! I want to see the Tribes, I know this is subtle lovers, the Bible is Sci-Fi!! every arguement, what kills the Hebrew with tribes, our fights!! we made thought, we made emotion in seconds!! gold light fables...I want to see, I want to know..."

"I don't want homosexual...is that cuddle gay-sex?"

"I found Mannie's, book, and sent pg 465, I took that tiny chapter, and wondered it to her!!!"


"I can't believe what's happened!! We've got a genius in bed!!, we brought Emelbert everything!! Fable Penis!!!"

"Are you going to give me hell?"

"Let's think, let's song...I have two ideas, I need to see pictures of my dreams, send writers my dreams, fables, Heaven..."

"I wanted you, but you will break me...you say cool...cuddle like a girl..."

"This writer can see out of my window!! One of them is writing a whole book, on dreams and impressions of the atmosphere, I sent him blue and pink rain, she's written the sensations, she has the dream!!!"

"Do you want devil bed???"

"Chapter after chapter on the impressions of rain!!! The War!! The War has ended!! this is Virgina Woolfs!! Rats!!"

"I hate you, it's sin...you put there, sin..."

"The Nazi Goyim have died, and I've brought books, left them to show the end of war in books!! We will fight Hell!!! Higher and Higher Emelbert! England! Ireland!!"

"Do you like hurting? Are you sexual hate?? I don't like hate."

"Mannie? What is your fable? I want to make more fable, Romeo and Juliet, all we have already given, write me new, white and blue!!! --B--- let's make fable!! Together, make genius together!! Where can I fable, who will make Love???"

"You won't bite me?"

"I want to put fable, lots of fable, magic...It's called GOD."

"Oh....I want..."

---She was weeping last night, because that famous gay designer had died...she mentioned it today, I had said she was too red, then damned him to hell, i wanted to know, his soul died shrieking, it was a little mucky...I covered my entire face, because his friend was searching, I knew we'd both die, me, because I wouldn't love, his, on fire, because he was queer, I have a little paragraph, to end with about demons and angels...but it needs good words. huff.--today, she talked but I had no idea of Why?...I made myself physically sick, and sang, 'it was a gollum..." I played magic games, followed her through the corridor with a chimp with my head, and thought; 'I dont want, oh no...'---you think too red, I don't like hearing naked women wear burkhas on their head in a fashion show, I dont like too red, this man draws himself with his dick out, in a comic about himself, yo, dont talk to the kid anymore, she likes hearing you, because your bright, too red... DMN me the kid heard me read out loud...i am an accident you should know better---.

Job 3,

11 "Why did I not perish at birth,
and die as I came from the womb?

12 Why were there knees to receive me
and breasts that I might be nursed?

13 For now I would be lying down in peace;
I would be asleep and at rest

(something there...silly to quote, but it's happening...foolish to quote, tears, vain appraisals, devout heathens, clouded temples, voiced God, fallen angels...)

----Job 4

10 The lions may roar and growl,
yet the teeth of the great lions are broken.

11 The lion perishes for lack of prey,
and the cubs of the lioness are scattered.

12 "A word was secretly brought to me,
my ears caught a whisper of it.

13 Amid disquieting dreams in the night,
when deep sleep falls on men,

14 fear and trembling seized me
and made all my bones shake.

15 A spirit glided past my face,
and the hair on my body stood on end.

16 It stopped,
but I could not tell what it was.
A form stood before my eyes,
and I heard a hushed voice:

17 'Can a mortal be more righteous than God?
Can a man be more pure than his Maker?

(...lover's fables...queens for gods, makers righteous...)

By Ron

My leg didn't form properly, I landed in a dustbin, naked and in pain...

A homeless man was in the alley, he crawled over me crying;

"Buy Ron!! Buy Ron. C'mon, buy it...you want RON...Buy Ron, I need it mate..."

I was screaming, his face was dirt, he was cackling in my face..."GET OFF! GET OFF ME!!"

A man, appeared, he was well-dressed, I imagine he was fat, a rotund belly, silks ;

"What is happening here? What is it?"

"Oh God, it's a young man...what happened?"

"I fell."

He roared;


"Get off, Fiend...bring him home..."

He said; "What is this man's name??" Girls were giggling;

"Georgie, Georgie Porgy, kissing hell..."

--He took me home, He sat me down---

"WELL GEORGE!! WELCOME IN! How we fell!"

"We need a name, George?? How is Bryon??"

I was miffed; 'Buy Ron, means bed...'

damned, damned, the whispers...

He put his fists on his hip, his belly pouted;



"He is a LORD! DAMN ME... LORD!!"

السبت، 6 فبراير 2010

C%^TS Part 2

Weds, college; the chocolate vending machine is being filled, I'm waiting for a coffee, there are two cleaners talking beside me...one gets aggressive, she starts pointing her chin back and forth, crying;

"Yeah!? Yeah!? Yeah!"

I want to see, the Israeli girl is hanging around, I think;

"These white women never love Jews..." I say; the white woman has a problem;

"Because...hot tropics....."

I pointed my face to the cleaner; "...sultry...you hate her Jewish looks..."

"...they don't like pretty God..." Then I'm spacking, and want to roll around on the floor, because the Israeli said;

"Cunt? Do you vant Louv?" Somewhere in the cleaner is;

"YAH?! YAH! YAH!? YAH??!" With little long black leather boots, appearing behind her, flipping up and down, hut hut hut hut, pointing chin, pointing chin, til this cleaner lady, she's going insane, yah? yah? yah!?

Ok, so,... "OK, We're CUNTS, all a Bag of Cunts!"

All over college, cunts cunts cunts need to be saved...

And I need to hide. Hysterical, I see I have to stop laughing, when she starts calling her sister;

"White bled...." Because?

"You are stupid with these cunts, you say they are blessed."

Love two new songs, but bought the wrong album, because the song names were similar; there's one about a Polish Girl in America...??...English music is a marvel; so I wanted a share...to remember...here;

Ellie Goulding Starry Eyed


Marina and the Diamonds-Hollywood


I went to art-college on Weds. There was an exhibition of our stuff last week, one friend and my family arrived, but I was dancing around in the toilets for some time, so I missed them, I sold 3 pictures, one a pink ink and pencil drawing of self-portraits made without using a mirror, I missed out the spots and hair, but added lots of freckles, made a quick 7 pounds in change, from the prettiest girl in class, she has curly brown hair, sounds Scottish but has a foreign mum, "She made you study here, to marry me!" because she lives the other side of London, takes a long time to get here, chose this one other all, because 'they are the best tutors...' hmmm...my opinion??, well, they could teach, and I like female tutor... somehow I managed to hold conversations at the first showing, sipped a tiny bit of red wine, which mellowed me out of a huge high I've been experiencing for months, my stupid tutor told my Rehab manager I was drinking alcohol, "Why does this cunt think you are good?..." so I was in a little trouble, except that:

"You are my Star!" She loves me, I see her soul...green...new colour lime green; is Jesus 'wants', good sex, not sin.... Just have to do something about all the spray paint on the walls, that I covered with pictures...but last week, I was;

"You are going to Hell!"

I managed to giggle as I leaned against the wall, with the Scottish girl, because my dead great-granny is also Scottish, and I said an insulting word, and I said Hi to her foreign mum;

"So, you are Italian? No?"

"Then your Dad must be African!"

She shoved her face in front of mine like she was going to give me a Glasgow-Kiss...and it makes me laugh, because she is good to me, but it's Christian good...

I was dead, when a Arab girl said she liked my biggest painting; it took half an hour, to paint reds, and yellows in Acrylic, Oil, and spray-paint, scumbled and whipped around with my finger, so that I thought the wavy parts looked like Arabian Calligraphy....so then I added a face in black, with a hooked nose and a beard, an eye, an ear with an earring, with red for a turban, and lots of smoke---the guys thought it was;

an elephant

a tropical bird.

"ooh! I didn't see! It's abstract..."

I got offered 6o pounds, I was shaking, so much I put an awful signature in the corner, i took 55 pounds...I was shaking because when I met her I had said her photo-shop advert, was shite, I had said it was all shite, all their work..."Do these cunts want?"...then remembered it wasn't by her, the 'galaxy' ones were, which she showed me on her phone, while I mumbled 'yes, good'... "OK, we'll make a note of this, I'll find a teacher...oh no, shit...crap, how can you buy me when I said, it was crap..." She was talking to me but I kept walking around crying; "We have to write this down...the photo shop was shit..." "Stupid Cunt." this girl, she had to leave Uni, because she couldn't afford her flat-rent, plus expenses...And I could hear her tell Father Mohammad about my painting, so, that upset me so much, and made me feel shaking guilt...there's been a weird fight, next post, they don't want me to leave...

I did my first 'graffiti tag' on the wall, my name.

My female tutor was walking around in high heels, with little lime green striped socks, holding a glass of wine...I wandered over, she turned round and pointed her face in mine...I don't wear my glasses when I make Art, because they smashed, so when I see her, I see long hair over,

fishy little eyes. And a little hooked nose.

When she stared into mine, they were large and black and her face was white, and the voice in my mind said;

"say it, say it...say it!..."

so I said loudly;

"OH. My. God!!" And she opened her eyes wider and then turned back round.

And later, then she took me into the cupboard, she wanted to buy my portraits of female rock stars, 3 of them for 50 pounds...we were alone in the cupboard, and I said I didn't like putting out so much crap..the 3 of them were stuck to a wooden panel, with photos of me in a collage on the other side. I was sure we;

"Have to get these cut..." She said it was fine as it was. Wait; Dad has glass in his eye, because I smashed the front door, I was trying to smack devil in the head...bl'ady elllllllll!! I kept insisting we cut them out, singularly...fine as the are.

"Cunt, she vants Luov..."

And then I began an Affair.

I'm somewhere in my room, where each night I'm rolling about on the floor in hysterics, because; "We're in Pink Lights!!" really, without knowing why, calling to Yahweh light, for many reasons, which I say in English is Allah, which will be hard to recount, in the next post

and modelling for a secret sketchbook...