the criminals in the snow
pretty Grandmother appears in my cafe, thick wavy black, huge long black eyebrows, a long white nose,
belting out a tune,
I have one picture of her, two, long skirt, legs splayed with friends, wearing furry big coats with her older sister in the street... there are the weirdest looking Irish girls, they weren't chubby faced like me, with my bright red hair, that changes from mousy brown to blonde depending on the light...and they weren't English looking, like Irish women... and she has fathomed out some story that we're descended from the Royal Stuarts, I knwo about my blood, 'YES! Silly Nan, because I'm sure; Charles is my illegitimate child!' Then I say something gross, that I couldnt see his Mum, because I'm blind...he looks more like Dad's side...'
Nan says; 'You know we're God, and I'm sure we're Jizers (??WHAT??) Irish Jewzers...'
I get annoyed whenever they're happy and drunk; why?
because she's back to
"Whats solly, Jovid?"
that's when I realise, we
'I'm reading, simultaneously; a collection of jewish essays, I've got to COMMUNITY chapter, beginning with Glasgow Emigration, where Nanny lived, in the slums, where they got attacked and had all their hair cut off at the 'train station' , where the Irish moved into the same area, as the poorest jews, scottish-irish gran, and chubby faced bearded blonde grandad' so thats odd, because scottish gran, looks like a thin faced American Indian, so; "Where's the Long-Face?"
Nan was 16 at the end of the war, went to Norfolk, and
an animation book
(so now I want, lots, I want a huge camera to make pictures, I want a digital video camera with a 'stop motion' mode, from Dad, 8mm is best, a huge old-fashioned camera, but, that wont work, I think a modern one is best, and if I make it, (1st project handed in last week, I can use it for University, if I can escape the mentally-ill life...I'm so down...I think someone killed my joy, at joining this art-course...and I have Paris...and a staff-worker , younger than me!! is accompanying me to Paris!!
Look at This! I've been to Berlin, Jerusalem, Barcelona, all without, earning or spending any, of my own money, and now!! the last place I need, on my list, is China)
I discover in the cafe, where an old family is also singing, that I'm read the
inside the other book, where I realise I'm reading out-loud, in my head, fluent Yiddish, maybe I'm reading it to girls/wives in Heaven;
because the book has turned gold,
And I'm singing 'Abraham was light'...
I'm always quiet and serious, with them.
I dont like the drunken fun...I always find a corner to hide in...and Hannah used to be the only real Mummy...and
saying DOK-TOR is hilarious