Sister, Seven yrs ago

I had to clean up, somehow, with the sanest people in my family, (the kid), what happened the night I became full of light, (that happened in the aunty, who lived to the WEST, house (reason for going WEST, earlier, in this blog)...I sat there on a seat, and said,

'I am God, see my face, my hair, it has become white light...why do you sit there crying? you sit there weeping, dont Fear...'

what I actually THOUGHT; was; 'Why are you scratching at your hair? you see what's happened to me...and you don't care...you have lice in that too curly hair...you just scratch your hair...'I got up well, and left her house...and when I walked the street, in the dark, a blue UFO, appeared...I thought, Mum, Dad, and the kids were all taken away...), YES!!

so, in the night of the visions, and, the reason for arriving, late at night, at my parents door, crying I had been raped "By Aliens" and actually, salivating, spitting and dribbling, foaming at the mouth as I screamed in the hallway; which made me fear God...to Mum and Dad; "Tell Father I am RED!! Why does He punish me for RED???"

and that sending Michal back in time to explain things, was

stupid,

because a seven yr old was discussing with her;

that; "Aliens, will take us up to Heaven..."

"She is dead...because she hates her baby, she made a baby...I can see it, it looks cute, it has special skin because it is gold...and it says 'Mummy Mannie is aliens'...Gabriel loves Mannie..."

I explained to my older sister, that;

"When I ran through the house, tripping, time sped, and I saw old men, on a computer...and that 'sicko' and 'thicko' were making snakes together in the shower!!!! (I stopped there) (but recalled this) And then 'ex-man' punched me in the face, and when the fat dyke, didn't strip-search me for having a marijuana end in my hand, because the other cop intervened, and then a dirty 'looked like a troll' man who couldn't have been a policeman, because he was perve troll, under God's control, brought me back there, and when he said, 'be a good little girl', I screamed!!!!!! and spent the night looking at the love-bird, and slept in the spare room, and it was like my heart was physcially bleeding...for a dirty twonk..."

Friday, April 08, 2005

Friday, April 08, 2005

There is something seriously wrong with me, and no-ones noticed. Oh, they notice alot of things wrong with me, but this is recent. I've always been pretty quiet, especially round my family, yes, surprising I know...but, I just haven't talked about much lately, haven't listened properly and anything I do say is just silly.

Had to go to Mazza's the other evening while Jools lurked about in the alley. I knocked on the door and nonchalently leaned against the wall with my hands in my pockets and one foot crossed over the other.

She opened the door cautiously; 'Hey Sugar' I said, (that was affectionate sarcasm, from her calling me 'Sweetie' all the time). Then, I marched straight through the house, through the kitchen, with a, 'I'm here to pick [Jools's] stuff up and use the toilet' to the bathroom at the back of the house, with no how are you, how are you feeling. Really, I think it was too bit much for her to call the police on him, but then I would, and i suppose she couldn't really do much else...

Then, while talking about him in the kitchen over a cup of tea,(yes, jools was still hanging around in the alley) i said;

'Someone said, er, I think it was my brother actually, that he think Jools's gone a bit mad.'

'Yes, he did go mad...'

'No,' I interrupted, 'I mean, in the 'mind'.'

And she put her hands over her face and looked like she was gonna cry And I thought oh shit, what a stupid! thing to say! Like, is she gonna call doctors and all kinds of stuff...whoops...and she started talking about all the things she does for him with no appreciation,

'Don't do anything for him then, you're treating him like a baby'. (I have to admit now, I wanted to 'quote' something as written in a dire 'regular' conservation, and I suspect I was doing it all behind an evil croaky laugh...)

'Yes, you're right, he's an adult, he's 20.'

Then, later, with Jools more stupid stuff, came out of my 'I have no care for anything, especially what I say, I am bored' mouth;

'Oh, yeah, I told Mazza you were gay as well.'

'WHAT!? You told her.........what did she say?!'

'She just put her face in her hands again.'

'And I convinced her that she was gay as well.'

'And did she........?'

'What?' I wasn't paying any attention by this time....

'Did you convince her she was gay.'

'Oh. Yeah. Nah, I didn't say that. AND you better learn to be more appreciative, CHUMP!'

Who Is Your True Love?

I said;
"Hey! Lady Krishna before you go, or demn me to Hell for being ignorant and a little rude, tell me, who is my true love?"

She said;

"You have two!!! Elvis Presley, and Mannie Shalom!!"

"I have two?? How can this be possible? And URGGGH why Mannie!!??"

"It's possible because you love..."

"Then I have lots more...(?)..."

"You have two, because I am law, the law is, want more...Elvis gave you more, Mannie is the skies, she gives you everything..."

"Do I go to Elvis, or to Her?"

"Go to Elvis or go to Her, He says 'you like girls', He understands..."

"Are we in two worlds??!!"

"We are in two worlds, two loves, two worlds, go to women, give her love, Elvis also has two...Love; this is the Law!"

Who is your True Love?

San Francisco

She tootles! I don't like tootling, it's middle-aged, she winks, I say; "Where are those eyes!!?" We look and we sink, They say;

"Look at Her love, tell me what it means?"

Loving is 'pertle' means; 'magnificently small, tiny, we are in a room in company, light the illness, Utopia, because they let me ignore Her, She looks shucked against the sofa, mouth stuck in painful twist, we don't talk, don't look! Don't look! They say, "Herm?" They giggle...' I see to Death..."let them know you go."...I'll let you know I go...She says Pig;

"Oh look you! I don't want!"

Then I'm upset, I say, "Look! I don't care! We're trapped!" She did this, I did it...

We are the light of the family, because, we Love...We sit there, and we murmur and sulk...She is ridiculed, always, always ridiculed by all of us...

I am mostly Death, I say "Hey! That man's a pig! That one's a bastard, that one's thick!" She says, squelch, Oh men are beautiful...This bastard took my thoughts;

"I love that little turned up nose..."

"Your eyes are so dark, they're sweet..." She learnt that and got sick...Good! I say, Ha! ha! They will all burn in your bed!"

Almene trata a beni dictum ezeus eday Christ (peggy greek, pirate latin)...I make the sign of the cross, "In the name of the Father, the Mother and the Holy Trinity, burn these men who defy God, make them sick..." An artistic bright red crucifix shines on the wall, I make some white ones, "Forever have love in Christ!" I want men who kill men, women and children, to; when they touch the red, to burn, physically burn, and I call on God, burnt souls, I want the rest, the ones who accept Christ to be spiritually protected by God, we are in a Holy War...She says;

"How can you be Christ!!"

What does she think this is?? I am clean soul...I have nightmares, but since I cried Islam, I've prayed under the sign of the Cross..."We Have Overcome The Armageddon!!"

Tell me what this man does?

He says, red, "Isn't this sexy?", "Do you want to ****?" I make her reply, tootle, "Oooooh!! No!" She weeps..."He wants sex so much, he says (What does he say? Does he say, reach?) reach!" I don't weep when I do that, but who does, when they deny the spiritual? I said;

"I did this, years ago, this is my magic...I'll say it's black magic..." I say, I hate black men, I hate black magic, I infiltrate, I write the films, the films look sin, but I add, I add hidden holy, I write the holy numbers...I am stand...I spent five months in Purgatory posing as a Priest, I was a genuine priest, HELP!! I'm sensing sex...Women look at me...they say bed...GET BACK GET BACK!!

But, It comes back...

biffy clyro-9/15ths
The demons, I lay in bed, and I can't fight demons, I just sit there, I'm continually hearing voices, of the shisa men, I could call Heaven, but I don't want to call Heaven, I have to turn the lever, so I fly all the way down from Heaven, and there's things grabbing my head, and they're shucking me, and I die for Christ...nothing works.

Nothing.

How did this happen? They said;

"This is dirty bed!" "You Leek! You f*** Hare bed!" "You prick! You want bed!"

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit...

SAVE SOUL.

Angel Of Hope and The Meaning Of Love (Shabookmet)

And this, the Angel Of Hope, called Mannie, She surprises Him, he sees in the Angel, she sees in 5 billion years in her thick red hands, s/he/she's making a mess on the kitchen table, shaking, "Dirty Jane!! Jane is dirty! Grrr!" pulling out books from a bag, shaking, fixing together an electric toothbrush shouting "Jane is dirty!", "Dirty Jane!", the Angel swifts down into the room, she reaches the kitchen because he watches a walk through the room, he is her never looking up, she fall jumps off the little wooden step, bends round hip and grabs his head between her hands and kisses his face, she says its forcefully, but it's gosh!, she looks so green blue atmosphere, old, suddenly he feels comfortable, but he's not laughing, he is still mumbling, with a kissed cap AND a scarf messily wrapped round his head, and she wanders outside to garden sit by the spiders, he is laughing, thinks she makes serious, and after he sees her flipping the love hard book off the table into her side, he shuts his eyes, with his green linen scarf wrapped messily round his head, dressed in black shirt he follows her to the alley garden, says he copies Byron, (Byronic! Look! AT the eyes!! The nose is almost the same!) She says HA! Mohammedan warrior!!


It is 'shabookmet';

'a given estimate of age that reveals itself to be, of an age, like ancient Grecian, where it is so want it is marriage, marriage is wholly Gods, the ancient has a man, who, invented love, the man looks, the woman is overcome, she says, 'You love me!' They love like they had been forever, the love is fervent, it invents no lies, it is eternal, it is already there in disguise, it is wanting, it is home, it says, Now, I will not woe...',

this was the night before when Louis and Mannie married in the kitchen and bowed to the Imam and ignored each other all night, and he laughs at her, older, runs away into the kitchen, milk in tea is a mission, he hides in milkcups, he can look at cats and even talk to them, he seeks in milk, but he/her hides, add a little sweat, a glow, add a dusky smell, leftovers, cat food...the kiss wanted; her bathrobe is like royal purple ancient love velvet, ancient loved dark haired, dark thick eyed ancient love, he sees in the Angel, Heaven, he sees in 5 billion years in her thick red hands, Jane is dirty...Jane; is 'ashoomen 'means; 'the first time Louis bed, the watchers body possess Jane, she looks with brown eyes, she likes so much she's skies'...Huh! And does Louis know?! NOOOO!!...because This Love;

It is 'shabookmet';

'a given estimate of age that reveals itself to be, of an age, like ancient Persian, where it is so want it is marriage, marriage is wholly Gods, the ancient has a man, who, invented love, the man looks, the woman is overcome, she says, 'You love me!' They love like they had been forever, the love is fervent, it invents no lies, it is eternal, it is already there in disguise, it is wanting, it is home, it says, Now, I will not woe...',

... dark haired, she is an ancient man, comfortable kitchen with wide shoulders wrapped in Greek Arabian robes, smells like tobacco in rich velvet, billions of years old...the man is smelling ancient, turning round in the doorway to click her fingers and wiggle, like the servants give her in Indian palace and she is still man, dark eyes, where are those eyes? just eyebrows all cuddly rich when she grabs his face in her hands and gives Italian religious kiss, and she harem dances backwards to the bathroom just the hands shaking, the steps wide and shuffling, big smiles, the henna fingerclicks, ancient dark eyes still shining man, the yellow geometric pattern on the corner of ropes, like only the two of us know Hindi, and Hindi says; "I Love Thee! We are Heaven!", a booka emelu, Boom sparkle! In comes the youthful younger Beloved, jumping forward, her soul from her skin, bang bang, la hula la hula!! wide eyes! say question?...Hindu goddesses, Indian dancers, "I love you" fingers, coasting teacups in hands brushing lovingly, silent whispers, scrambled eggs whisked light fingers, lemon tart, is cooking, she says, for a man who is never dead, gives 'arapat' means;...'a look like silver, a hope in bed, a love height that reads, a little, higher than angels, hope in God, highest salvation'...That is SHABOOKMET he sees in the Angel, he sees in 5 billion years in her thick red hands "Ha! ugly hands!"

In 1940's they wore suits and sparkling ballgowns, faces etched with ancient eternal tears, when the Assyrians killed the ancient Greeks, they giggled, because the Greeks said muddy, when Mohammad cried they jumped, when the slave traders arrived in ancient Africa they wept, O! Angel of Love, and the Angel of Hope! Fallen to Earth! Lars woke up they had old children, they have 300 angelchildren, 1929 born son is weeping, he's 'shulvet' means; 'depressed on meeting, loving dad, hearing Heathen, crying dead...' But Mummy and I are; 'shavirer!' means; 'we were hipper than Him, we bring Him, hopefully Him, feeling God!'
Shabookmet! is; ' O! Happy Love! This Ancient Taste!'....
....
ECSTASY
arapat {ap} ECSTATIC...
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