Nanny and The Borg

Nan and I are bored. I just need a cup of tea, after delivering cards, I stand at the No Cold Calling covered automatic door, sighing, because she has to get up and open her door and press the button.

"You know you can get a free wheelchair" while holding the car door open, on way to pub,  "why don't you do that, then?" They get through a bottle of rose, while I sit there angrily stunned.

The thing is I've gone red angry kill the Infidel fire, all big shooting flames picked for a merry christmas.


Because I decide to call India, in the pub, and it was going well, we discovered Krishna, and I discovered I'm called a Rajah.

I made them stop the car before the pub to get some smokes, which meant i had to walk into town a little, back in the old home town. I walk across street in darkness and ask a man for alight. I get a bad look, and hear, you're a monkey. I am stunned, I leave the lit cigarette on the windowsill of the shop and go in, a fat white lady, I am stunned because in London only Polaks and Muslims have jobs in shops, and there's  actually a Nepalese influx in this town. I want to tell her woes. She is quite polite.

I have christmas welfare spending money, I order a bottle of rose and a small shandy, and the obese blonde white lady who was a little nasty when I asked for a light....

Farts, farts all over the bar, while I stare at glass of beer.

I am stunned, the other kids, and the way the girl who didn't even see me came across evil, before that beer, I had been getting more and more worried.

Then angry, so I try to sing India, then hear inside my head woman screaming and worrying. Then a big old lady at the next table says aggressively;

"Where is my lighter?" Cos I didn't have my own and had to go out for about 5 cigarettes in a few hours. I want someone in this town to be nice,a man comes from the at tome sitting at bench; "well, I've come from London to see my parents, and am not used to this place." He talks, but I go inside quickly, I don't want friendly.

I say;

"I gave it back to your daughter (the fat evil and you are cow) at the bar." She spins back round to face her cronies.

This morning I get worried about Nan.

I need a cup of tea, badly and I am hugely tired, and I don't know why. The thing is I try a cup and its dirty full of tea marks inside.

"Right, Nanny is going blind. She is going to get sick."

The next cup at the washing sink is dirty, so I use it. It's rude to start washing cups when they are there to be dirty. I start reading all the fridge magnets she collected on her travels, like you can get coaches full of pensioners, but she has been to cool places. A cottage one is upside down, no matter how many times I change it swings back round to its wonky position. I read,; I love Claire, Ireland, Ephesus, Benidorm. etc. and go to read the ones on the freezer.

There is one of the Virgin Mary. I hear something like a scream or something, cos I call red fire.

I say don't worry, I like you, and pick up the kettle to pour on the teabag.

"Well, I have a surprise for you, People of Mary in Heaven, I have made an Immaculate too."

"Yes last night, a baby appeared when we kissed just kissed and talked, there was a blue glitter (I see colours appear from when I mix colours to paint.) His first word: was;

"Meds."

"And I was so shocked I died, because I had to "go and take my meds" it made me cry because I was worried. Are we dead?"

I go to sit on sofa, while the cat does something new and nibbles at the back of my head.

The Creation of the World.

The country Issuran, is NUMBER-ONE Time Traveller, the Time of a tent, the Time I asked about where all the languages began, and all the red people walked out. Issuran is what Nanny Sarah calls China, or what I called China, in magical old language, that just, sings from the mind-voice...

"Well, well...Nanny!! If Abraham doesn't want, lets bed!!!"

(What I mean is, new reader, is I can time-travel, I want to sing to a wise woman who is weeping, a wise woman who an help me, pray for me, call God for me, take care of me all my life)

Some silly little woman in black, was sitting at her boyfriends house, silent at the table. Just left him but in the same room, in her youthful soul, quiet at the table...What the old woman was doing I don't know, cuddling the damn boyfriend, perhaps, in front of the TV...

I am hysterically dead that me and Jesus, FIGHT.

"Don't flirt with me, and I don't care...WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING???!!! You are going to fire..."

I really couldn't cope with what he was doing. So, I had to try and call God. I ended up in the cell, all coagulating my soul, until I turned dark blue, like pulling the soul further, rolling it around my body, feeling the softness of the blue, and then giggling!! ;

"Mummy God, help me, my soul is dying, they want to kill me, they want to throw my soul out of the window, the amaleks in the cars outside are taking my soul, they want to burn me...."

I kept patting slapping Nanny Sarah;

"Old lady, you are dead, you are dead, and he fled....Another little evil, evil Hagar...Where is he? Where has he gone??"

I slapped the wall;

"Nanny Ava!! Kiss me!!!"

Jus kind of a restless sleeping dead.

"Nanny Sarah,...when the bad people left, what did you think, are you a Noah? Was there a place where the goyim left you because they had to?"

All those millions leaving the tower of babel, to go walking all over the place to nowhere.

"To make Israel the white ball, like poo-snooker!!!! All those reds!!! All that little magnified light; (I hold my hands in a ball and stare down, at her little white old frame....giggles) in the centre, where all the reds in the whole world come to attack!!!"

I laugh, and have to move to the other side, flip over to the other part of the bed...that little woman has, eyes, biggest dark eyes, not the actual eyes, the eyebrows on top, thicker than any I've ever seen, little flickers like wings all over the black little eyes.

"I've never seen any eyes like that! Sarah!! That is amazing, she is amazing, take the eyes!!!!! No more people with never eyes...."

Grab her away from the table....

Grab her, then throw her upwards into the sky....and go quiet and call God for help again....all while you smelly sock feet are resting somewhere over Sarah's face, cos she is lying there giggling. SHe shows me her youth...

"Ohhhhh, not, another black......ohhhh, none of that, none of that..."

I want to back further...I mixed up the chronological bible stories, but I want to go back further, I want to see, when the languages began and why the languages were changing....why the reds got up and left.

Then, a giant hairy feet, in gold, slapped me in the face...that is a mans foot, why does he think he's great? .I roared; "Get offfff ME, you stupid man!!! That is NOT better than me!!"
===

Ignore him, that is stupid. we must sing, it is king. That man is a king.

I told Sarah why I had appeared, and changed sides again...I needed to pray, I sat up on the bed, and bowed forward, grabbing the steel frame, There I have prayed like a muslim!!

"Nanny, you are so old, you are him. We are old, Old is king...

I heard the oldest, oldest old lady;

"MUMMY YAHWEH!!!!!!!!! This isn't nice, I've gone back to the Ancients, and this Time you decide to reply!!! I am dead! Dead from the beginning of my own life, killed at birth!!!"

===

His, voice, is like a crackly old lady, and I throw myself onto Sarah...Chinese, I looked like a chinese baby, I had mono-brows, black eyes, you know what meant, what, meant, what meant, I had straight white hair, like a Chinese....

===
The black and white in my body crackles , and then I know...I fly fingers like a shadow over the parts of Sarah I see....I say;

"Thou shalt wear a velvet cord of gold around thy soul..."

This is your, soul, round here, this is your womb, the womb is the soul...SLAP BACK!!! A square of blue silk on your chest!!" A conception immaculate or not...

Oh, what, that is enough...Go away lady, go away....

The doors open to men...pink skin!!! pink breasts! Those, those, those are him, men near the bed,"LEAVE ME!!!!!!!!!

DIEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 I grab her hips, look at her above and wow, and say no,  and throw her away, up into the sky and away into portals, not ready, can't do that, back to the boyfriend and the TV....Cos, these bastards keep listening to me talk...Jesus, you Flid, you have sinned...

"I go to sleep..."
===

I fall asleep minutes later without remembering how.

MEETING GOD

Staying in Hashem is full of tears, literally, image-allerelly, I could not cope with the weeping. I had to make a face of him, so the face is like a martian, kinda whiter with no hair on his head, like the little brahim whose feet were washed by Krishna,

And so I leave Hashem well alone.

I'm not as bad. Just; not as clever.

I struggle to memorise simple arabic verbs.

I got it down! After being in and out, for a week. I've got a new head, it can go out walking and remember what it's read. Naktub, Yaktubuunna, Taktubuuunna Present tense plural, Yaktubna, Taktubna.

I repented the day after Eid Muburak, someone was having a party across the road, playing loud Indian music, and then repeating some European pop-hit with heathen words, obviously.;; obviously stupid heathen words.

I didn't come back to my own knowledge.

I just relaxed.

I didn't want to be seen praying, so when I prostrated in the dark I hummed, and crawled around looking for a pen on the floor.

I sat on stairs outside in the sun, and screwed up Fatihah and Ikhlas.

So I went and washed and got the Koran down from the top of the wardrobe, where it mixes with my notes and the other Korans.

I sat in front of laptop with book on knees. I stuck up an old list on the wall with a flyer of a camel going across the desert, covering a decade - old pencil drawing of a girl in a cloak, hair flying in wind, Exodus scribbled across.

I sat with the Koran on my knees, and spoke to Hashem.

In minutes, well, seconds are minutes to me. I asked for forgiveness. I didn't expect anything.

I swore when I got an answer.
The book became covered in a starry SILVER LIGHT. SO MANY WORDS.

I could see so many words in the parts of the little glitter stars. And without.

Any Black Magic, or Evocations,

From Myself.

I saw;

Two very, very, thin silver arms, with silver hands, grasp the book, opposite me, holding onto the book that I held.

"I don't want to hear you..."

"I can't hear you..."

What I thought was Koran was Death. I didn't understand the words. I didn't like myself. I was dead.

So, I made an effort to hear something;

I heard;

"THIS BOOK IS BEAUTIFUL...AND YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL."

I went outside to smoke. Trying to make something tell me all the words, but refusing to listen.

Sugar

A hot day....

My "Hal-din, din..." was of over a month of writing a novel, it actually was my "bed in"...and i supplied/applied my mind, with Fyodor Dosteovskys PDF's, strawberry laces, Feminist Manifestos, (see Scum;/ Politics of Housework), gobstoppers, videos of the wrestler Black Jack Mulligan, extra v.cheap fruit and nut big bars, how to write by Hemingway, vitamins, a computer dictionary/thesaurus; autodidact/epistle/negro/olive-skinned/blue jays, multipack of crisps, cups of tea every half hour, Hippy Slang, an Electronic Cigarette, gave up; breakfast/lunch/dinner/ for fruit gums, pastilles, Foxes suckable sweets when I couldn't find anything cheaper, as the nearest shop has a new couple, that conned me FIVE!!! times for money, charged a mentally ill girl twice for one pack of cookies, the man and his crackling wood carrying wife, cashew nuts, roasted peanuts, kraut-rock, thinking the Beatniks this time, were just bad men and queers. Then I found a second hand video shop, and bought films, took films home. Watched at least two a day, bought more films.

Lotttttts of sugar. It was to crank me up for a week of writing. I was actually doing something fun and productive. I started to lie about how I was spending days, when I was doing more than I actually said I was doing. I trawled through this blog.

I started hiding my pills, by making tea, complete with heavy teabag to use 3 times, putting pill in mouth and spitting/dribbling into the tea, thus hiding the pills, and pretending to swallow. That was just mean't to be every now and again.

It's been over a month.

I started going sugar-shit-crazy. Weakness, and sweating (glow), body-shaking psychotic wailing.

I bought 3 strawberry lace packets, and 10 gobstoppers, yesterday. Daytime. I watched Only fools and horses for two hours.
 Weak
A free banana, or an orange to stop the headaches, to keep healthy.

The room is messier than ever. There are squashed bananas somewhere under the old clothes I will throw out.

Wrote a Romantic Sci-fi Psychological Novella. I left it for a week when I found a new lover. All true Green.

I played the Violin in lover. I play violin like I forget how to hold it, but I only played one hour and another hour since I bought it. I rushed staccato. I learned how to tune, little round bubbles on the bridge, I discovered form the dummies book, Damn good cos I broke the G-string, and then in restringing feared it would snap again and dummies showed fine tuning, I played into it, and the sound was nice and rich, sometimes I'd slip or dis-concentrate and scratch across the strings, I gave up trying to play the first track, Dvorak, and got Irish, found out where the notes where, and played fast and tried some finger patterns, it's fun and I should

Love Fun.


Then there were the Wars.


The sugar amount, and the lack of medication gave me restless nights. I kept calling Jesus

Himself.

But damn I've been great colours, purple, gold, and silver, and white pyjamas, and trying

Magic,

for the first time.

Gold Chinese Dragons. Swords that burn red with flames, when they go through

Sin.

Evil, Evil, Evil.

I tried to attack jesus.

I was at the end. he said:

"Peace be with Thee..."

I sat on the star is smoking, and he prayed, his eyes blinked

and were;

Gold.

Slow/////Worried, don't know witch is witch.

I learnt how to make Magic, Paintings mostly made in Magic, but I needed real
Power.
And I got a lemon house. And I saw a boy fly out the water he was swimming in (because he was starting to struggle under the water, as I was making the water rise quickly, so I threw him out, and watched him land in white dust, and when he looked up, he
Saw

A huge closed white door, and on each side, men or armoured men, in gold armour, with spikes or spears or swords stuck in the ground.

And God was behind the door. Nad I
Left.

And called FightHate/Woe/Death all around. and;

went Evil.

I went to sit down on a chair in the dark, and kill, because I had to drop the

Men that Came Back. into Hell.

I had to try to win with Jesus or not with Jesus.

A man turned into a rat in his sleep, he went into Hell, he had a horrible dick that kept jumping on people,/ Demons.

Fire, and


Eye for Eye.

My eyes shone two red and black, pentagram five point stars in my eyes. I was in my paints, and see-ing that Light can make Black Magic. I was in scruffy ol' paints, and then;

A long Purple Hat, a priest hat appeared on my head.

Don't Listen.

What it meant was that; (and i quote) QUOTING is;

Asking God, in a  most heathen manner to tell me, repeat what was said as at the time I can't see, most of the time I don't listen, So;

Try a little;

"You have Soul. Arise King Cohen, and Burn Hell...." and?and?and???

The Purple Hat sang and;

Said;

"Loveeeeee Lord Jessssusss, Love My Kinnnnnng...."

Singing / song;

Well;

End;

with;

"Why didn't they die, why don't you help, why do you think I am bad. WHy couldn't I make better than this....why can't I write a cool little story about

SUGAR.

and why I can't I sell rush rush rush....

Light. ?

Black Magic Hell-Making is

in Heaven?????????????

Lets go into this.

Later.

The Diatri

http://dadoichzlig.blogspot.co.uk/2009/03/diatronangels_16.html

+

http://dadoichzlig.blogspot.co.uk/2009/03/elohim-and-diatri.html

Mental

temple of love.

she was witched, everything was looking great. Screams, helper=skelter down the stairs, tear my hair…rip up any I Hate Myself and Want to Die, Kurt Cobain the `poster Boy, is always spiralling down  the stairs. Abandon mascara, never use kohl, straighten hair, Hell straightens hair,

its all looking good.

Screech.

Screeching, not screaming.

Tell a joke.

Love and Hope;

magical. everything was fine. 

One Echo;

"Sweetie?"

Helter Skelter…

Don't want white, don't want flair.

Want my own clothes.

not flares. you didn't know. Flares are 2007-10.

Fascist is IN.

Bright colours are fairy.

Don't want them. No thanks.

Crying, weeping. Will not save. All your prayers (Temple of Love, Sisters of Mercy)

---

In souls, angels weep. Kurt is dead.

I am dead.

"There you go!"

That b***** reminded me of the Angel of Hope. 

A High Security ward; A classroom. One old Viking King, long red and gold beard, fast cigarettes, at the window.

"We have died, and this is All Heaven. Save US!"

I said to the King;

"You must have wonders, you must see. Heaven has sheltered us. We are Free."

I spin form the window to the cackling women, everyone is smoking. What an odd heave, white doors are all locked. But:

"We are all dead. !!"

All my hope was resting on freedom. I wrote her a farewell, or a an escape note;

"There you go Mannie!!" pen on the whiteboard next to a unicorn.

I had a paradise, the african women that sat outside my door, had a special perfume. A smell of Africa. Like some tiny princess.

They gave me an ecstasy pill. I awake in the sunshine the glorious sunshine. 

My nose ring had slipped out and spread up my nose into my brain in the night. 

Now I could pick up radio-signals.

They didn't care that i had cheap metal stuck inside my nose-brain.

The amount of the sunshine, equalled the amount of joy, there wasn't a garden, there was a walled small lawn surrounded by windows. Still, the sunshine. The Glorious High.

My little brother.

He would walk from one end of corridor, just to the stop-line of the girl's section. 

"My little muslim brother! I am muslim!!! How are you!! my little brother!!"

They wanted to kill me in the smoking room, still i let them kill. 

The smoke God turned blue. Wonder of spiralling magical blue smoke.

---

If she screamed Im happy. But;

She Glorious'ed.

"never die, never die, I am here."

I found the African perfume, in her new house. It was situated in the corridor.

"So I was mistaken. I thought they were Holy..."

Who cared?

Soup

The Soup;

Something in this is soul. I am God. I have become a higher Angel. God is Wise.

This vegetable soup; It has contained everything, it shows. If I spin this spoon, everything is destroyed. He says: everything.

Particles are soup. I have contain many years. There is in this soup, §1000

"Particles."

"Contain!"

Sang a lot. Lift spoon, 

do not stir.

Important not to stir, or move, or stare. 

If we exact the soup, everything will die. Now that God is down here, we begin to die. 

"WE must See."

I can't eat the soup. I can't move.

"I suspect he knows."

A higher amount of time, stirred in the bowl, the water was weak. The particles were tiny, and coloured like weak. I couldn't eat. 

"What are you telling me?"

Something in the walls, collapsed. There was a darkness fitting movement. There was soup. There was only Soup. 

I created a softer. 

People were publicly speaking. There were walls. A bowl of light. Water sucking all parts of itself. I couldn't move. Breath covered a hate. Staring at a table. No spoon in hand, staring into bowl. 

"Wait." Wait, because there is so much in this.  

Little orange in water. Little soft bits. Going to disintegrate. 

I waited for God. He brought the bowl full of universe. I had an action-part in this. 

Don't move.

The walls flew into grey bricks, fell away, the table spinned, the dark of soul crept back…Soup….The Universe destroyed itself and fled into the soup, it hid in water.  There was all and only Magic. Only God.

Something in Time flew away, days were unaccounted. Everything fell away. 

I slept into the soup, i hit head down and into water. 

All gone. NO people. NO outside. 

The End of Time.

"I have no memory of anything actually happening after that. I don't know where i went."