led to me rolling around the room. yoga positions. tai chi, very slow hand movements and balance of feet.
totally, madness, mad talk rolling in bed.
forgot my sandals out of the entrance of my room-door out to smoke. greek slippers. greek bed. hands together, elbows wide apart, a floating head left to right.
totally dead nuts, the toilet is locked up with thick tape across it...the inside of the toilet is still covered in a puddle of pissy water, because i opened, then put the tape back over. i didnt do htat last night, instead i crept in that corner, placing hands in patiular places of the walls, with silver lights coming from my eyes. Then i went into the hallway, and collasped in a weird dance by the door, the door covered in a foot of muck and tea stains.
I have never been this aware of going totally insane, and as impossible to prevent, so i just let the talk, i woke up this morning imaging the exact same, I cried out:
Pray me, cool!!!!!
The manager of the house repeated in cynical undertones, 'PRAY me. cool. 'tut''
i got the bus and came in to work. I know have a length of wood painted in turquoise and bits of silver, i'm trying to draw and colour in a tree with no leaves.
I hate the art, now.
I should, in such a angered way, draw lengths of scribbles in black and red, like a polish jew, like toploski, like auerbach. But i'm light. Light needs light. Always light.
I need to know how to right.:
I will try to write last night: I ad to touch mummys foreheadin the cafe, adn tickle a bit of hair, to know she's alright, because, i went evil, over tajweed, i wne tso evil, i refused to sing, and threw somehting bad at mum and heard her crying in the corner, then when the HAfiz realised what was happenign she led the prayer in the next ayat of the surah, i went like a majestic, absolute refusal...evil and deadly refusal to save. Then hair -grabbing silence...then sweet, slow reading individually.
And when I got home, I finally died.