the days, i forget...alot has happened, the sunny afternoon, the birds started talking to me, as i smoked on the patio...Ahmara's mummy, glad to see we're married?
"We're married? I am a girl! We are married, already!?"
It was just put, it was just her, flying to my part of the house, she was no more than ignored...I wanted to teach English. So, anyway, Nan told the typical, when she was a baby, and then how Afghanistan fell, she said it fell in soul, wehat she actually said; it was when jew's cried them to soul, so that; "And we all, fell...."
So, i spent the day, reading a hard book, a hard book about Afghanistan, a very horrible story...it wasn't the book that made me appear, someone made me think it was time to give a little more soul, to the guys crying, strange english; "It contains nuts." in an east london accent.
She didnt get as much chance to wash as me.
Was wasnt I hearing?
I began this strange, 'you touch me, i catch a disease.' So, desevrdly when I jumped oput of my bed to meet dad downstairs, and put a few things in my holdall bag, with a large rip at the bottom, 15 yrs old that bag. I felt ill. The staff-woman, who had really begun to piss me off, because she never stopped talkign and had lately taken to arguing with me, forced warm tap water on me, i sipped it a little...Cried she was a bitch in the car,a s my whole body, felt faint, weak, and very hot, with bits of puke promising to show up. So, what i've been delibrating that I wont die, well, holy. I will screaming bitch like in the car. Cancerous lungs. Cigarettes. Tune yourself, to paintings, drawing, reading....I started a few pages of sketches, in pencil and paint, quite a nice style as well, drawing in the dark under lamp-light, just shading, where the shadows fell on my face, adn leaving out detaisl, but the dark parts showed, chins, noses etc, then i painted some more, attempting to re-create the pencil drawings, and then hung on that book.
I didn't blame her for the disease, just said it too many times. I listened to her mum weeping, had to show I was listening by laughing.
"I caught two sentences, ok, ok.... I'm surprised you are glad about this, quick...
The book, with the terrible stories on it, taught me about moslem marriages. The bride and groom sit together and hold mirrors, they are meant to look into each others mirrors, before that, in the engagement party they eat sweets...or was that Eid? Taught me some Afghan words.
The disease left.
Something else happened, at night-time, as i jumped back into bed with the book. I began with this, "I ahve light from Satan to make an alternative heaven, becasue I was too white, but still Satan...." Because for some reason, she had started crying out she had fall, and that was the night, I attempted to defeat the Taliban, by cutting a hole through each heart, but Allah, put the knife through hers, but why wasn't she in Heaven?? That is the thing that would make you very ill, if you thought you had cursed someone into falling out of Heaven, because of your own doings...very sick, in the mind.
Then in bed, I heard Shaytan, I heard it call out from under the floor, and i just sighed, I've heard it so many times. So, I said, "I am in Love. I want..." I wrote this to a class of arabic girls: I flew what was happening, because I was actually screaming for help ...and when I threw it completely into my soul, it screamed, I had given 'God-bed', and I worried, "When did I give Allah, bed? Did I go to Heaven?"
One of the girls, said in an Asian -East London accent...(which is a special accent, it's cool and sexy..she's the one who gives me laughs, because she pretends she is very stupid, to make up for my stupidity, and says things ; like; "What if you were dead, and you didn't even know?".)
"Shaytan said, she gave Allah, bed, and Allah said; "My Wife is King!!"...I thought I would DIE, if she was bonk...I screamed and thought, you are going to die!! Then God said, I love Jews."
The teacher wept; "Your wife is King!" a small voice, and a pretty voice.
"Man, It died, sick."
It died sick, because I threw its voice through my body, and it cried out I was Him. And then, it sort of collapsed into itself, and made a large noise like flatulence, and it burst and died. Everyone giggled. They were amazed that I called, and that, ..."...if you love Him you're lighter than Hate..."
I wasn't sure about writing this.