الخميس، 9 أبريل 2009


Dad is ---what?---I'm hating him. This is just a stupid day, from yesterday;

Dad grabs my little brother, round the neck, and brother is whimpering like a dog, I can hear Grandad's voice in my Dad, telling my brother;

"Son! We've got a hit!" I can see Dad, about to punch little brother, he is holding a fist up against his face, it's a terrible feeling see-ing violence, I kick Dad, to break his leg...the dog is called Alfred...and he says: "Say we are West Country!" I'm hating Dad.

Earlier; 'Look at Dad!! He is a pig or a stupid man, he gets violent! Look at Dad! Then he sits by the pond talking to God...I've written a play, about Dad...I'm sorry...it makes men cry...

I'm in the car thinking of this speech and then think of my father's side, hoping they are well, and aunty, how well my father's side of the family is, if she is well, that I think in the german language, and when I speak german, I say, well...I'm trying to tell you, my thoughts are germna, and I think these thoughts are much more God, than Im regular speaking in english, which i'm getting slower in!!..But really it's pompous?? @Look at these dogs!! We rule!! I don't car for dogs!!" Nan loved aunty and aunty is supposed to be sweet, a remember a school picture, she has long red hair in braids and a huge nose, a saxonite!! nan used to mix up our names...why am I hating Dad, Nan still cries; "My little son is dead!!"

, look at Grandad!! King!!! Blood: Little sister, uses the same cupboard for a drink after me...'Check the records!', she sees in the record, "Yeah, it says Alfred!!: this:

Blood of King Alfred-of-Bavaria!of I hear around 909 AD...

I hate Dad, I want to play, the black princess/prince, "Falcon! Falcon!!! I will take the sword!! You have killed my light!!! I take out my eyes!! Heathen dogs die!!" Wearing some nitty shit, like black feathers on my shoulders, and black belts, with a small sword, waved about...He is up there crying light.

Later, Dad arrives at Nan's using a walking stick:

"My hip went...." Bang! Got his hip, I was trying to take out his knees...Dad is the 'stupid' son, why am I hating him?...what does this Dad prince see, he reads Rumi, and says it souls Heathen? Grandad was shown to me by my girl, at rehab, she showed me a film, magically in the lens of my little glasses, I see my uncle, being bathed, he has long curly blonde hair, "I am the youngest of five men...etc..."...then there is a ghostly film of me, with a little head and red hair bangs, drowning...then Grandad Alfred, mourning the death of his young wife, he wears a crown and red and gold robes, He cries the Lord; "Father!! My wife hath died!!" She is lowered into a lake, and comes back to life. You see, I think I have his God, because he speaks Kings, his is a Thou...

I'm at Nan's, looking at a picture of great-granny and grandad; I tell her; Nan looks like a mean, grumpy old woman, why are they crying we are chinese?? No!! but she is so sweet in Heaven, I see her divine, but do you know she has just fallen??, she has gone to lower 'england'!! I remember she called me in Time and She said, my daughter is Kings! So I gave her an early ticket to heaven...Grandad looks like happy light!! I hope to be like him...And my brother is lucky to have his picture near the telephone, becasue we bring him light, when we look up waiting to talk!!' and then I walk out in a low, because these words were in my head, but God had them spoken, She laughs and says; Heathen were dead...

Dad looks up at me on the stairs, with his very bright blue eyes, I reply;


My brother walks in through the door, Dad stops him...brother stops, woofs, because he is a nutty little doggy, and cries; 'Jerry pig!!"

I'm reading on the computer next to his; "Don't fucking talk to me..."

I don't listen, he says; "Are you gay? because being a gay woman is God..."

"Leave me alone, I'm trying to learn..."
Little pigs. Drink.what i found when I searched:


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