I went to art-college on Weds. There was an exhibition of our stuff last week, one friend and my family arrived, but I was dancing around in the toilets for some time, so I missed them, I sold 3 pictures, one a pink ink and pencil drawing of self-portraits made without using a mirror, I missed out the spots and hair, but added lots of freckles, made a quick 7 pounds in change, from the prettiest girl in class, she has curly brown hair, sounds Scottish but has a foreign mum, "She made you study here, to marry me!" because she lives the other side of London, takes a long time to get here, chose this one other all, because 'they are the best tutors...' hmmm...my opinion??, well, they could teach, and I like female tutor... somehow I managed to hold conversations at the first showing, sipped a tiny bit of red wine, which mellowed me out of a huge high I've been experiencing for months, my stupid tutor told my Rehab manager I was drinking alcohol, "Why does this cunt think you are good?..." so I was in a little trouble, except that:
"You are my Star!" She loves me, I see her soul...green...new colour lime green; is Jesus 'wants', good sex, not sin.... Just have to do something about all the spray paint on the walls, that I covered with pictures...but last week, I was;
"You are going to Hell!"
I managed to giggle as I leaned against the wall, with the Scottish girl, because my dead great-granny is also Scottish, and I said an insulting word, and I said Hi to her foreign mum;
"So, you are Italian? No?"
"Then your Dad must be African!"
She shoved her face in front of mine like she was going to give me a Glasgow-Kiss...and it makes me laugh, because she is good to me, but it's Christian good...
I was dead, when a Arab girl said she liked my biggest painting; it took half an hour, to paint reds, and yellows in Acrylic, Oil, and spray-paint, scumbled and whipped around with my finger, so that I thought the wavy parts looked like Arabian Calligraphy....so then I added a face in black, with a hooked nose and a beard, an eye, an ear with an earring, with red for a turban, and lots of smoke---the guys thought it was;
a tropical bird.
"ooh! I didn't see! It's abstract..."
I got offered 6o pounds, I was shaking, so much I put an awful signature in the corner, i took 55 pounds...I was shaking because when I met her I had said her photo-shop advert, was shite, I had said it was all shite, all their work..."Do these cunts want?"...then remembered it wasn't by her, the 'galaxy' ones were, which she showed me on her phone, while I mumbled 'yes, good'... "OK, we'll make a note of this, I'll find a teacher...oh no, shit...crap, how can you buy me when I said, it was crap..." She was talking to me but I kept walking around crying; "We have to write this down...the photo shop was shit..." "Stupid Cunt." this girl, she had to leave Uni, because she couldn't afford her flat-rent, plus expenses...And I could hear her tell Father Mohammad about my painting, so, that upset me so much, and made me feel shaking guilt...there's been a weird fight, next post, they don't want me to leave...
I did my first 'graffiti tag' on the wall, my name.
My female tutor was walking around in high heels, with little lime green striped socks, holding a glass of wine...I wandered over, she turned round and pointed her face in mine...I don't wear my glasses when I make Art, because they smashed, so when I see her, I see long hair over,
fishy little eyes. And a little hooked nose.
When she stared into mine, they were large and black and her face was white, and the voice in my mind said;
"say it, say it...say it!..."
so I said loudly;
"OH. My. God!!" And she opened her eyes wider and then turned back round.
And later, then she took me into the cupboard, she wanted to buy my portraits of female rock stars, 3 of them for 50 pounds...we were alone in the cupboard, and I said I didn't like putting out so much crap..the 3 of them were stuck to a wooden panel, with photos of me in a collage on the other side. I was sure we;
"Have to get these cut..." She said it was fine as it was. Wait; Dad has glass in his eye, because I smashed the front door, I was trying to smack devil in the head...bl'ady elllllllll!! I kept insisting we cut them out, singularly...fine as the are.
"Cunt, she vants Luov..."
And then I began an Affair.
I'm somewhere in my room, where each night I'm rolling about on the floor in hysterics, because; "We're in Pink Lights!!" really, without knowing why, calling to Yahweh light, for many reasons, which I say in English is Allah, which will be hard to recount, in the next post
and modelling for a secret sketchbook...