Therapy

I need to shoot.

I have a 'doodle-book'...I added little ideas for sculptures, I have one more art-show. I wanted Sepia...I'm supposed to talk, and I say it's Sepia. I walk with Haly and explain; I use a word, you should never use;

eclectic. that means everything I make is different, and I have no special style, unlike every other artist in existence. I dont know what I want. So I doodled, a table, planning to cut out many lines, and fill the lines with dark brown varnish, add just two legs, with old-fashioned lion claws.
Sepia

So I grabbed, pieces of wood, and began cutting out words, written backwards, the first words that came into my mind, about the teacher. Sepia lost...I filled the words randomly with black and red paint, and wash a little over, the plan flipped, it died...then it looked OKay. I wanted a school-desk, I'm to add more words with a blue biro, I got a little piece of wood for the leg, with a diagonal cut, and because I can't even milk a cow, Haly hammered in a huge nail, it stands on its own with just one leg. Then I put some blue ink over it...then grabbed a huge piece of paper, with a magnificent idea, which I couldn't translate...I explained what I was doing.

I think odd.

"piece of this...add space..."

I drew a school girl, with a tie, and a line of school-girls, squatting and bowing, I got a pen, and began writing words, from every memory I had of school, in the spaces, where there were no drawings.

I should be having hissy fits. I said, to the girl ; "Yah? It's sane hate..." She souled; "You speak, evil, languages..."

What do the others think?

I cut my finger, Haly ran to get me a plaster, it was bleeding a lot;

"Quick, before I get aids, the yellow-man, tell him fail, before they give me aids..."

She does a lot of running for me.

I'm a danger, a few months ago, I went out in my apron, to smoke, I like dropping ash on my jeans and burning little holes, I forgot...I had to get something from the office, I smelt burning.;

"I think your heaters broken..." I left the office, then smoke billowed around in the classroom, I looked down and a huge hole was burning through the apron, the teacher noticed. Nothing. No words.

Haly hates that we;

"Don't know..." She looks angry, we're all a bit loser. One girl is amazing, she knocks off quick portraits, in oils, and they are so realistic, her latest one is a woman lying on the floor, with a boy-ghost kissing her head...amazing white transparent boy-ghost...

I don't like trying to catch up with my mind, I can't be bothered. I'm going to end, end it all, end this blog, its become a diary not a story.

Aliens. Wondered about aliens, the project is still the same but I've ditched the comic, the comic was sick, I was ill, I drew a hand with a razor, cutting up some huge testicles in watercolour. A man with tubes and bugs inside, a butchered body under icicles, a brain being cut open...it was supposed to be sweet.

I've gone nowhere, now I'm drawing arabesque weeds with flowers. the mosque book, is full of nothing. God says I'll get the Tajweed class I want, for an hour I didn't want it, and I want smokes, chains of smokes. I thought I was God himself, I was calling into my own soul, I thought every woman was a cloud, and they part away from the sun (WHICH IS ME) to make light, on earth, some souls are trees, other onions, one is sure to be the Moon.

I must be God, because I made a mountain.

I want kill. I'm lucky enough to be alive in eternity, later I might be killed. There was a scandal, it's over, I'm awful, sang the Hells.

My best friend, my only friend, is Lady Buddha, I sent her a coin.

Help me, Help me...

Brick Lane

I jumped on the train, defying future time, karma, prediction, and circular time, I decided to find inner London. Damit, I looked cool I wore last nights clothing and eyeliner, with a new bandana...

Reading the Qajar book I thought about this:

(SHabOOKMET)

The conversations around were to 'rote', but these were good men, clean men, 'posh' men...I listened to two talk,

Shabookmet, here: 1979 (2008 October)

'a given estimate of age that reveals itself to be, of an age, like ancient Grecian, where it is so want it is marriage, marriage is wholly Gods, the ancient has a man, who, invented love, the man looks, the woman is overcome, she says, 'You love me!' They love like they had been forever, the love is fervent, it invents no lies, it is eternal, it is already there in disguise, it is wanting, it is home, it says, Now, I will not woe...',

replace 'Grecian' with the original 'Persian'...

It was something I made that would light, I was at the cafe, and I wanted to kiss a persian, an ancient persian...anyone of the princesses of that time...the conversation, began good and ended as predicted...'commonly' she was stoned last night, we all got stoned and we talked, I talked to her and was sweet...I was waiting for the yellow-man to come back...seedy disgusting talk.

What did I say to Allah, I heard her voice, again. I spent a week and a half believing that I was Lord Allah. I stabbed someone.

That paragraph, was part of alot of writing, most of it science, about Time Travel...I read simple physics. It was a good time for creating, and now it's gone. I can't create. I still am...but I cant.

Damit, I helled someone, DAMN I wanted to fight. I tried. Everything flowed, nothing touched. NO-one was hit, but for me.

What did SHE say?

Get Married, give a divorce. I dont know, dammit, It was Hell, I was in HELL, and everyone else walked free. Even the 'Persian' Grandad said, LET HER GO!

How did it get to God?

I said, I'll leave, I'm dead, it's perverts, free....Let me Avenge...there was screaming, there was a sentence. He said;

Love God Forever.

Dammnit, one guy, with one try, got damned, that *(^*^* yellow-man hears, her scream he is a black infidel, and it souls, it gets him high that he heard a voice, it gets me die, that he didnt immmediately, spontanously combust, or roll around like a snake going insane.

Well, dammit, I bought the kid a chunky watch, for a pound, it still ticks, and it's pink leather, on her it will look cool. Anyone go near and I'll burn, damiit...ducking from fireballs, the brain defies. No more brian. sizzled...

Whats God?

Sink Kitchen

checked Nan's diary, and her eyes, eyebrows and nose, we took her to the pub, chinese eyes, arabic eyebrows, hebrew nose. s'well...

"Anboo, came here and slept over, left the TV on all night..."

"Bastard! Who is this? Which one? Where is there another Anboo?""

Edna found out we were dead;

"Oh God, Nan, he was calling Lucifer!"

buzzy buzzy noises, not the television, demon bees buzzy buzzing in his soul. He got dumped by a girl that he got, with his weedly weedling tentacles. I decided I knew what he was doing, because I too had to hide in the flat, in the granny complex, to get some light...this was because I started hearing the Devil, "...and it's girlfriend," in Mum's house, It was getting heavy, the Thing, said in my walls, I started calling Satan the 'Emperor, a Roman man,' I walked round town, trying to find help, when it appeared in the house, I had to move the Kid, into Mum's room, away from Hell...I woke up one day, knowing I was fluent in Hebrew, and I spent the whole night, in the lower bunk-bed, practising conversations out loud, I also tried Gaelic...I got into trouble, I was talking too loudly all night, the news I got was that I would soon be locked away, i wanted to kill the old doctor, I fought, I heard he died, a heart-attack...

Well, I had to go to Nanny's house for Help. It began with a giant claw, shaking my skull, as I walked in the bathroom to look into the mirror, suddenly a hole looked cut out of my wrist, ad the blood started leaving, when I blessed a bowl of water, I sank my arm into it, but there started appearing red scars on my wrist...I thought down, I dated strange girls, I told them what what happening...things got worse, I walked round the block, as though I was on an acid trip, colours were dark and shifting, my soul looked like a shadow...the family left the house, to go on holiday. I called an Australian girl, I had met in Camden. I was lying now, on the mattress on the floor, in the middle of the room, I left sticky bowls of cornflakes everywhere, which were used as ashtrays, I started burning holes in the mattress...as I was talking to the girl, I heard a long whiny scream, I was laying down, and suddenly the monster jumped on my body and sucked out neon blue light, then flew away, it ahd taken divine light for power, I sang, it's OK, OK...I picked up the wood-links on the bunk bed, and moved them until the bunk above was in a mess, there was a bible, on the slats on the lower bunk. Trouble.

I spent one whole day into the night, watching the bible, (because I couldn't sleep, I would sleep in Hell) I heard chanting from Hell, an army of men, crying:

"WHORE!"

I couldn't go to the bible and pick it up, I couldn't got to the space around it. Because:

"The demonic men in the book, will come alive, and kill..." The bible staring put Satan in quiet...It was hating and getting weak. I read to a plane above, at the worse, it was crying in my head, "Eternal Flame."

I read a line from the gospel...

"Hear Thee O Israel and the Gentiles..." They laughed. I read and read the same line, crying for light, I rocked.

Images were silly, there were fireballs shooting down from the sun at me as I walked...One day, I sat by a full bath, I couldn't show my skin to Hell, I sat by it until Anbo appeared, and a throbbing red and black heart shot through me and became buried in my chest, his soul left him, because he spotted a woman in the bath, and he jumped on her...

One night, I went to an Angel, he said:

"...Cry Love Forever." I was weak, I was wilting before him, I was eating little bits of my cornflakes , I heard:

"Never Eat Again, Never touch Drink." I had disrespected an Angel.

I had to go to Nan's for help. For prayers. She got out a phial, of what she called holy water, It looked dirty. I rubbed it on my chest, over my heart. Then a light shone from my heart, but, it was bright red anger...I ran to her toilet, to call Jesus...weak...

Satan was speaking on the TV, I thought, "You can hear it, and you're calm," She started dying, I said:

"I love you, and I will overcome. It won't hurt you. Be Peace."

When it was bed-time, I lay on the sofa, I saw disgusting images of death...I pleaded with Nanny to pray. Suddenly a golden light leapt from me and span into her bedroom...

"I'm dead! Dead!!"

I stayed cool, I whispered on the tiny sofa. The I saw;

A boat going through a river, surrounded by bamboo trees, and then, me dancing and cuddling a woman...that gave me sleep. Nan had saved.

He get sick, and it's clicky little chuckling...

"So, did he know this? Did he call the devil to me?"

"He was thinking, 'we die''"

"Then he said, 'Hell'...and then I threw, I threw you out to bite. You sang 'Height' and he choked. Screeched..."

"I threw Satan out..."

The Hottest Summer

It's the beginning of a wealth of memory.

Summer, 2006. I was locked away in August, and have been ever since...

It began with, "Shining!" Shining, Hi we here, I've entered Heaven, I'm married.

I began to call planes, as I lived in the lower bunk-bed, in the kids, lilac room, the wallpaper cartoons of fairy-princesses, and the smelly Lhasa apso, following me around: it could talk, it told me once, about a man being beaten.

The airplane calling: I chose;

characters, I was insane.

Plane after plane passed over:

The stewardess was young, and 'remembered me' from another flight, we flirted, in the skies, I talked to families, I picked out characters, deadly arab men, and frum-girls

"Hebrew girl, this medication is making me itch..." (it gave me furry arms)...

I spent the afternoon, in the back garden, walking up and down the patio, hollering messages, from a little Italian Language book:

I DEMAND PEACE!! in Italian.

I went back to calling the Saudi airline, in the November of 2006, I learnt the flight-paths of each airline, I tried to convert an arab guy. We held a long conversation. I eventually condemned him to an after-life on an alien world.

One night time, in the kids room, I heard screaming...A woman was crying a terrorist had just grabbed her child.

I tried to use power, I could the mummy screaming in the skies just outside my window. How I did this, was, to bend, and concentrate all the power of my mind into his, and crying;

FALL! FALL!, a small red dot appeared in my mind, and I made it explode. This hit his mind, and;

He fell over having a heart-attack, the crying woman thanked me...

What Happened, Part Three Silver

Silver Lights, Part 3:

9/11, yeah thats what its called...90.11 twooo thousand and one...11/09

I laughed.

I laughed that morning, I kept laughing, becuase it was a new excitement, and 'schizophrenic brains' (well)_.everyone is always telling how they gracefully, nobly, mourned...

.I was smoking a very long, 2 king size- rizla long marjuana stick, filled with fine light green buds...on a sunny, green morning.

"QUICK! Turn on the News..."

I was on the kid sisters bunkbed, smoking, smoking in the parents house, I put the little TV on.

I was delerious; The picture of the plane exploding and hanging inside the skyscraper, was

"Beautiful!!"

"It's Amazing! It says souls!! They have fight! Mohammadin have fight!!"

"Sticks and Stones!! Sticks and Stones!!"

I danced round the room.
Anyway I told an American girl that day, the woman in black appeared, because I was in the sparebed, waiting...waiting for help!!!!!!!!!!!

Waiting, so i sent a silver cat to Allah...waiting for a reply, that's when the woman in black appeared, and I put my head under her chair, with the cat softly lying on my head...and got the vision of the woman in my mind, eternally helled, in mind....when I saw the silver and blue lights, that said;

You Love Soul.

When I went into the bathroom, being odd, and saw myslef in robes and a silver crown wrapped round my forehead.

You will See Heaven soon.

I dropped the whole tin of skunk in the bath, which had just been full of water, it was soaked through. How I got away with smoking, is strange, later, I went to the house down the road, (in a nice area) to get some more stuff, in someones car, I got trouble, i didn't have the extra ten pounds I owed, and he was an arabian man, he screamed at me:

"You know!! You know what I said!!!!!!!!!"

What do I do now?

The cinema, a huge force began to push through me as I walked, I felt weak, very weak and faint, and as I looked up at the stairs to the cinema, I heard a veryy loud voice, the power was so strong, I had to repeat the words, and I bowed with my hands clasped over my head...I began bowing in the chair, and couldn't relax in front of the quick images on the screen, I had to leave under the pretence of a smoke, so much for shining God, anything odd, loud, and I'm dead. Any screaming crying...lots of singing, and whirling around though. because I was on a mentally disabled trip to the cinema

I forget what IT said, because,

The film, was Robin Hood...I saw ' fool Kings,' mine, I saw joy, in

Rise and Rise til Lambs become Lions!!

I saw myself, in the white horse.

I was stupid, I said, Am I really in that horse? AM I the horse? Did you kill me, and turn me into a horse? I am fool, fool, fool...

Get Back

When the woman in black appeared, I thought she was God.

When I went into my mind, and saw the woman talk to me, in our bed. I also saw a blue and silver light. When the woman was covered in yellow, I quietly left for the bathroom, that's where I saw silver.

The lights told me:

You Love Soul

You will have Heaven soon

God appeared ...

Not Speaking

I want call back.

We've made up the idea of an alternative world...we learnt the 'new dimension'..it's human, it's a little coloured in scene, it's where Humans, can live.

You cant live in my toilet, in my bathroom, I live in silver. The toilet is dark, the tiles, are kneeled on, there is a girl speaking in the walls, there in the toilet, I am God.

I wear a silver crown wrapped around my forehead, and robes of dark blue, with silver embroidery.

The 'dimension', we had discovered, is where you can'

SIN.

You can be human.

You can't be near girls.

We lost the Halo's.

Halos fell to the 'dimension', because of sins, forgiven sins.

No-one dies in silver.

We tried to know well. But we had to ask God. there is no God in SILVER, except your Love.

This God, let me rest in His lap. Then he said;

Get back to mind, put dreams in your skull, inside your mind.

One Wife. I was trapped with a loving woman in a film inside my mind,

together forever in bed.

I died because I knew Satan.

This God locked me inside this room forever...

The woman turned yellow. I ran to the bathroom that turned SILVER, because I wasnt prepared to die like that, I wanted to find God inside me...AND this happened, what appeared was the crown, and the silver lights and a girls voice. An ancient girl...after I had said,

I defy Him, I believe in Life, he has me killed, I worry about this......I must see God differently, that voice wasnt God.

I wouldnt listen to the girl, it was sweet and sorrowful, but the words didn't mena much to me, I just needed that voice.


"God will end the Hate, end the Dream." "I won't cry to Him, anymore, this woman ruled our consciousness, death of love...."

I mumbled, the words I mumbled were odd.

I said: Hosannah, Lift the Hell."

"bringeth Light."

"First stone turn."

Purity. Silver, purity...I was soul , they fell...I saw Paradise,

There are 3 of us, going to Heaven. The rest go to a place;

called;

Allah Hell.

"I' s gut fer human."

The 5th dimension, is secular, cellualar, it has hate, spiritual, spiritual peace.

I had sex.

In Silver, I can be a boy with silver clothes and fowers in my hair, sometimes I might forget a shirt, and I'll be particularily 'odd', but very young, but I won't have sex, I will kiss, and I will spin, and I will mumble, and I will crouch on my knees, and I will converse with flowers.

Let the human rest:

We learnt there was a 5th dimension, but what did we say it was?

The Dimension: (I will go into this!)

It's a secular world. It has, a part of luck...It creates a prsion snetence in men, they create in Holy, what they expect. This can be God as a woman, God as an Elephant, we all worshi9p a different God...it's pleading...and then defying...punishment:

Punishment, that is the holy evil...

That 'trick' was punishment, it was unfair. It was death of life. It held another soul, not mine, the woman's, it killed that woman.

IN 5th's we see how they hate. Slippery hell colours, cartoon colours like dull red, deep yellow, creamy white...they make things, colours are soul and sin.

I made a 'bitch'.

In the silver toilet, I was with a friend, but we didn't want to make love, we were Love. We were young and sacred.

Damn me, I called Silver; 'Ireland.'

You; go to America.

We could see the 5th had Helled. We were silent.

I had finally appeared in Heaven.

Little things are like flesh, the writing of notes, is like flesh. The habits are disgusting. The respect is like a game, a game of 'ping-pong. "I don't now, no not now. OK. " I dont need to show respect today. Ok. The talk is always the SAME, and when it is different, it's wired different, it goes in men to disgusting...

I dont see: "Sexy Boots" in Ireland.

Simple.

I have God in Ireland, I dont need to call God, just live in God.

----- serious----

"Abay." the talk might have been hebrew. The turning of the stones is real. My soul is real. These new words I began to call out.