dadoichzlig

"King"

2012-01-17T11:39:00.000-08:00

Summer 06; I saw a man with a fat white head, and big blue eyes, and short black stubble for hair, clearly in those 'windows', during a moment I lay on the bottom bunk in the fairy princess room in the dark, by the lamp, talking to the Michal shadow, in the middle of the floor...

"Where is my wife!! Where is my wife!!?"

"He's running through the halls looking for you, your husband...He is going to kill Saul..."

I wonder in the mental hospital, if there had been poetry in those meetings so I began to write a play...I wanted to know what was underneath those souls...

I had a dream I was with a dark haired woman, in a car-park, we were supposed to be in Heaven, but we were loading huge old gravestones into the back of a battered little car, a peugot...(which I've before, so want, want want....)

Christmas o6, I was spending it in the hospital ward...I was writing 'Drum N Bass' songs about Jesus, on paper, and bad bad writing poetry set to chords, and I tried calling people around my area with news that I had lyrics for their house/garage groups...it wasn't dangerous but it got nowhere...

Anyway she appeared in a window, in a little room, she was there because she was dead, had been dead for a long long time... she had set up the wallpaper in light blue, with black spiders pattern, her eyes turned bright blue and she spun them round and goggled, she sent me a picture of ;

Amy; Amy's face as a man's, black hair, with green eyes, a very handsome man...

I met Amy Winehouse at Trafalgar Square, i London, on a sunny spring day in 2006, when I was 'sky-flying dating PJ...'

Polly, sang, in cars, so much in the locals that she was nicknamed "Corny" due to the wessex accent...

I wanted to meet her for real. She named a town in dorset, I sat with my Baptist friend and my dad searching for train times etc. I took my benefits/welfare money out, and the baptist took me into a shop, on the way to the train, she started singing;

In ehr big, genius voice, to a Micheal Jackson song playing in the shop, I was pissed off at that, the Baptist could hear her and smiled, he stayed quiet...I didnt even know he was baptist til I met him a tthe church a few months ago,a dn we've known each otehr ten years.

So, I wrote down the Dorset town, and she gave me a house number and street...I went to Waterloo.

She sang over the tannoy. Someone cried "Hallelujah!" I got on the train, and opened a murder book from mum, I realised I was talkign in the man as I waited on teh train by the platform, something oinside me singing, then I got pissed and broke him off;

"I'm on drugs...."

...Through the journey to the countryside she remained silent. I was getting upset, quietly.

I got to the town, and wanted to ask in tesco if they knew where Pj's house was. I walked through the high-street, on and on pulling a suitcase, occasionalyy she spoke to me from the noise of the turning wheels.

I got to where the town ended and a country-lane began. I thought of a huge farm somewhere up that road. I was upset.

I walked back into town, it was getting late, all shops were closed, I walked on: I had to find somewhere to sleep for the night. No Polly.

Then I found the street she had mentioned, I sat on the corner, deliberating, perhaps this was some secret hide-out?

Two boys arrived at the bench, they or I starting talking about cannabis and where we could get some....

I stood up, and wandered up the street. The problem was:

It looked like a street where only pensioners could live, little bungalows, all the same, something about it was also terrifying. I had to find number 86, the road looked as though it went to 200. I realsied she was lying but kept walking.

I needed the toilet.

I knocked on a door. This couple could have been insane murderers, they were old and spooky, and the house was so clean. Of course they looked worried but said nothing. I didn't noticed. I pee-d. I cleaned, I said thank you and left...

I turned back past that bench, and took a left and walked on, I was walking and walking, I found a BandB. A man like a freak from the seventies opened the door, wearing a pink shirt, and bad glasses:

"No Gays!" I wasnt even a skinhead then, I had very long girls hair, and girls clothes, I sighed at him and turned away...

I gave up even then or the next day, and sat on someone's garden wall, crying for about half-an=hour. The cars passing me so fast where mocking me...a girl a few years younger than me appeared in the garden behind me.

I decided I wanted her instead. Said I was okay and walked....

I found a nice BandB directly on the edge of the countryside and knocked, a homely fat woman opened the door, I must have look liked a problematic run-away. I assurred her I was fine and paid for a night.

I had nowhere to go but bed, so I walked into the room, everything was chintz and lace, even the bed, it was set high and square. I contemplated smoking in the room. No.

I got into bed, I could hear a small plane overhead, coming nearer and nearer, I could even hear a woman inside and hoped that was Polly. Then the hell followed me from my home town, men driving in the cars and roaring over and over again...I was going to die, because they had followed me here.

The couple in front of my bed, I could hear through the walls, their accent the same as mine, they seemed worried about me, they had a conversation with me through the walls,

It got dark, and the night became Hell.

The fat woman, was worrying about me downstairs I could hear her very well, the magic was making all our voices carry to each other.

I forgave Polly, but then she appeared clearly in front of me, and jabbed both of her fingers into my eyes, they flashed white. I 'magiked' them back, I decided hating her would be to fall asleep...

I had a good breakfast, took 500 pounds out of the post-office and went all the way back to meet the Baptist in London.

We were sitting happily against the wall beneath the National Gallery, listenign to PJ sing in the double decker buses flowing round and round, watchign to see who could hear her as well. Then:

"Wow! Look at that Italian couple!!" Beautiful Italians.

"That man with her is a poof!"

The young man was in a polo cut t-shirt and plainly handsome and clean. The woman was dark and beautiful, she was wearing a pale blue summer dress and heels. They walked in a direct line past me, I was talking about them very loudly, the buses were still singing :

I shouted, she was lapis lazuli/ amazing Italian, gorgeous, Italian......:

She turned and said: "Congratulations."

"She noticed, that beautiful woman noticed even me!! cos I was in a green wool hoodie! Lapis Lazuli dress!"

The Man

2012-01-17T10:22:00.000-08:00

There was a man in the floor of my rehab house, screaming. He was handsome, muscley with black hair and a tanned body...2007 Summer

He was screaming...

--

"I'm a penguin, I'm a penguin!" ...

He screamed ; "Get out!!!" he looked like he was struggling with something, I imagined he'd fallen on the floor of a cave...

"I'm a penguin! I'm a penguin!"

"Get me out!! Get me Out!"

"Look!!" I shouted!! "I'm not doing this....get up!!!" I'm a penguin, I'm a penguin...

"Wow! This obviously means I am crying I am a Nun!"

"Get me outTTTTTTT!!!"

I was going round in circles, the new red capsules I was taking with other things were making me restless...I didn't want him there in the floor...It wasnt even funny..

"You are Muhammed! And I am not a penguin..."

---

What is a Mummy God? What do I believe?

I have a lot of belief, even in magic, in lies...especially if it's nice...it's mostly worse...

"the Devil sucks teats."

In the Summer of 07. I was writing hundreds of pages of a special book. The trick was to write the first thing to mind, it was easier than ever before. When I translated the first line of the book, I looked at languages, if I picked Aramaic, for example, white words would appear above each word in the line. So I copied them down, in Arabic, Chinese, Gaelic, Elf, Modern Hebrew. When I copied out Modern Hebrew, every sentence began and ended with:

"The Bitch is Dead."

"Okay! This means they are too War. Stop!"

I didnt want to delve into Chinese, It was about lesbian lovers. Or; Love.

Arabic was fantastic, it was a song of a thief with a dagger...

--- In Summer 07, I was trying to woo someone, I was trying to also, pick a fight, with, Saul, the King Saul...

What I 'worked out' was that he was the husband of this woman, the woman had arrived in my little sister's room, her profile silohuetted against a lamp, with thick black hair, a nose that was tiny and hooked, and she said:

"Who am I hearing?"

--- Summer 06, I was in terrifying, but the Devil Itself had been painted like a cartoon, even the sight of things, they all looked cartoonish, in waves of dead colour the yellows the dead red, the scaly grey black, the Whore of Babylon:

The Whore of Babylon appeared inside a TV screen, on a music channel: "perhaps the music is particularily babylonian...."

I saw it:

It screamed. it said things like "Rape Them..." It had a womans head, with thick long black hair, a womans head of a creamy sickly white, it body was an obese, it had no legs they must been stuck underneath teh huge rolls of fat, it's skin was yellow ochre, it had tentacles, yellow and black, long thin hands on each one, with long sharp talons in black...

When Lars heard it...I had to sing; "be strong I can kill it!!! You! Are strong!"" Because Lars was just a kid, his mum had called me, everything had been light, conversations with Heaven, until I wandered in from the sunny green garden, to see and hear that thing on TV...

There were zombies in my garden,

The Frags.

These were witch women, with my DNA< a fragment of my genes had been taken when I was dragged i Hell, to create zombies...

I only said:

"Can you see the witches?" Because Michal was standing there, with two girls, beside the garden table and chairs. And everytime, I would skulk off quietly;

"I betta go..." Again she appeared:

"I betta go!"

--- She was also, 'mature'. older than me by far; which was perfect... everytime I mumbled:

"I'm looking for dog-ends, " she would talk, like happy....I tried to say the Frags were behind me, that I needed a little help;

"...you are dog ends, I betta go."

OK, I betta go!

Mummy God

2011-12-31T06:47:00.000-08:00

I got an airplane the other week...a kid with straight black hair, looked adn stared through the little windows, then he went flying, he ran through the alley arms stretched, through all the blue and white clouds. A TV advert made me think, it showed all modern types of technology, run on a little engine, with fire and smoke, even a bill credit, thing...and a mobile...

I've tried to explain technology before to people in the past;

"well, they run on fire, they have cables, which spark, and it runs on fire, it's impossible to explain..they must be very clever..."

Some old woman said: "Then the buses, have chains that turn the axles..."

Michal thought at first that demons were flying all around the house, when she heard traffic...

--- I was thinking about a fly through Hell, when I said "Mummy God, ...I called Him, Mummy God...."

I was in front of the TV, when I heard:

"Who brought this boy here, and why is he calling my daughter Mummy God?..."

You should have shut up...but you felt happier, so you swined...

I sat in the dark in the rain, smoking and dreaming, the smoke turned silver and sparkly...and I listened, I listened to everything I had missed, everything concerning me...blues and golds, and yellows and greens, and purples...

I heard a boy who said:

"What is my Daddy's name??"

I was thinking aloud to myself:

"Mummy God?...why was I in hell?"

---

"Mummy God, Mummy God..."

I sent 10 angels and my grandmother...I watched the door...It was all very;

Happy.

---

listen again.

"Are you Mummy God? I wanted to find you...My names is M. I am happy to be in God."

when he was younger I listened: He was a toddler, with women, he looked a little ZimZam, he said:

"We must Sing Him." I was in a delirium...Schmuel was by a mirror, copying my hand movements, I started this strange, duck hands whilst I'm talking, I talk out aloud now, in the mental patients house...he went to see my Dad, he was doing this strange stare eye thing...opening them wide, rolling them around...Dad couldn't see.

We got a smash of new soul colour, she was in the doorway dressed in dark green. She was me. So, I soared, I was so surprised, I replied, the colour of a neon green flew out of me into the roof...

I was singing him again and again on the Island I flew to. He was 90 % in thought. Annoyance was 45%. Hunger 75 %. We got on a bus to the capital and went round the island once, and stopped at the airport, I asked the dirver where we were going; "Yes, we go there, we got here..." We went round again, stoped at the airport again, went on the same bus, eventually arrived at the captial... I thought about him over a cappucino. A theory about why Moses saw the burning bush was on a little Tv in the corner. The scientists explained it by saying, often, there were seizures in the ground that exploded, and this covered the bush. Then after the coffee we walked back to the bus.

We sang on the way to the hotel, about Jesus in the tavern, it was like we were holding crucifixes in the air, well, when he was in the tavern, a man put a bag on the table, and emptied out lots of silver coins, Jesus told him to divide the money and who to give it to...His eyes would shine a bright Sky blue, but when he saw the money they turned a bright red...Thats all I remembered except that he often walked through the rehabilitation house walls, with a hood over him and those bright blue eyes...

--

ZimZam keeps them soul. Everyone looks at him and cries, because he is their Father King. The hijabs? Women where he is, look sin. He loves everyone that souls. You are his wiser dead...

You, must, sing Allah.

The 31 Doors and How to Cope.

2011-12-26T09:17:00.000-08:00

Parrallell Universes, multi-verses...i.e can a special event/action change time, yet remain static, thereby creating a secondary happening, according to force or choice...two parallel places, running on a single ribbon...

(nb. Time is Circular....) (Seed of Life) 8/9 circles, one in the centre, The Soul, the arms of life...time rolling over the next time, repeating yet ever-changing...rolling into the next circle,......" each circle creates a Flux..."

There were 31 Doors, after a Birth...the time from then to know, is just a long-line of events...many types of Doors have snuck into this time-line...i.e. You were born 1965, you live, you marry, you reach a certain age, all different, things, but there are portals entering into this time-line, at, first, it looks like nothing at all has happened to you even when these doors have been opened and someone new has stepped in...you didn't see him...

We know the History, of the Planet, we know there were Kings, then the sons of Kings...Great Fires, Plagues, the doors are secret, they didn't prevent these events...

The doors centred...

31 Doors since a birth...

You knew the past, yet you also changed the past...

Exactly this: You knew the story of the mouse, and the mouse wrote to you. The mouse created a fashion of thought, many years before you were even born...the mouse died, rich, and very famous...You find the story of the fashion of the mouse, and you decide to sign up for mouse classes in this specific fashion...you meet a mouse girl in mouse class...you marry the mouse...you pick a portal by some accident or purpose of thought. You go to the beginning of the mouse, you live with the mouse...you create the mouses first thoughts of the fashion...You have created the mouse, you have made what the mouse made for you...

Right, what I will do now is try to repeat the Voice, that told the 31 Doors. As I was confused by the mouse...

I snuck into Time.

I picked a door called, "Satan at it's Height..." I was carrying a blood-present...

"Why can't you weep?" I said, I said that...

I am flee-ing, flee-ing!!!!
"Begin the Flight..."

31 Doors.

Since a large event, 31 portals on Planet Earth have opened...I went through 4. The doors are sought by prayer and fear and death...A messiah door was the ww2...I fell through Heaven, and picked a messiah door, I wasn't the messiah I was falling from heaven...

When one opened, it was a (and know I quote the Voice) course there's someone here....door 1.

I picked where the Lord would Arrive.

I've been to a group of women, where I sat on my bed, and saw a huge boulder like a ball rolled across a doorway...I've seen, a snake and an instrument and felt deep evil...I've met men that look like rats mixed with humans, I've seen massive scaly reptilian flying spaceships...and bright blue fighter planes buzz around them...I've kissed a fishtank, and talked to a boy invisible in a wall...

"because you knew what would happen, you sang!"

I am fearing light. Your black is holier than the brightest star...

my name; daughter, is God. shit shit shit!!!

I want the 31 Door story please.

The Witch

2011-12-14T09:07:00.000-08:00

The witch walked down the alley, and held the kids hand...

And told him stories, when he got a little older, and envisaged his face...a smile like mum's, thin lips in a sideways smirk, the long nose of grandad, black hair mixed curly, mummy's there somewhere in the smile, and the eyes...did you lose your hair when you got older?

When he got older she sent him a war, no-one replied.

A lady in black started crying...I said; whats happened? no-one replied...I said, I had a dream after the restaurant, and woke in the middle of the night, it was defiantly a dream, and not a fly, where you can speak and control, yourself.

It was good an old maid was sitting on his lap...

I called his mum; And said:

"This insane with is talking to your baby..." No-one replied.

I had a dream, first i was in a type of kibbutz. But, there were two men sleeping and snoring in a bed together, just as I managed to see I was sitting beside the bed on the floor...I knew the men;

"Oh, no, I am see-ing they will go to Hell."

The bed disappeared, but suddenly I was in the room in the kibbutz, a grey room, with a child, my baby boy, he had darker skin and silver hair, he looked like my brother did with a sweet thin smile. But somehow he was in trouble...he was moving his head, round and weeping, like he was trying to get rid of a voice that was inside him and continually calling him...I was good. I said I love you, I held him, I sort of screamed, but said sane enough to try to keep him well...a real, proper love,...As I was beginning to see something in this dream was becoming real and I was worried, ...Mannie walked in, from , with a little, working outside in the kibbutz, walked in smiling with fuzzy black, wearing what she wore in a photo from Greece...I thought;

"What are you doing here? I'm glad those men are dead...this means -this- and this means - that, a baby who can actually hear God, and I'll stay here..."

I didn't cry out, Help Us! We're dead!

I left the dream knowing the dream would go...I asked for a meaning, I said, I know the meaning why ask?

So I bothered Mohammed the Father with stories, fluent arabic...He said:

"You are driving me mental about the body shop!!! Why are they beautiful in body shop! Why am I in the body shop!"

I was shocked, and though okay so I've been accidentally telling Mohammad himself stories, I was thinking about the body shop, because on the tube, an old woman and a mad looking girl walked on the train, they were; en Anglo:

Pikey.

I said; I'm a swine. You wiped the seat before you sat down, that was lunatic, and you hate this girl, your daughter is filthy, daughter look at me, she was dressed in a type of hospital clothing, in light pink, she looked up. I gasped she had a type of Michal, a beautiful, face, a 1960's face, dark straight hair, cut 60's, but looking like a childish mind, or a everyday, always repressed by mummy look..a dead looking eye. And she had bad peeling skin all over her face, and her mum wasn't covering her chest, so the flaky skin was all down her...so, I said, my friend has that because he doesn't, wash, go to body shop, get something natural to wash in...

."I hate your mum!""

And you had to pray or bother and didn't. And you thought, and thought.

Pill Time!

---

I stopped the contact because I was swine...but the crying lady in black went to visit Nan, and she said:

"Kill! Kill!---to the girl: "You're not filthy!!! You're good!!" Don't tell them we're Hell..."

So I said to Nan; "Hey we've got a new family of black arabs, all in black!!"

"Mummy we think you're witch." said a kid...A kid 'back in time' said;

"We kick the witch!!! They're going dowwwwwwwwwwnnnn..."

They tired we I died.

"She has gone...good lad...let's take you home...."

I am still ...madness...they shriek:

"You. are NOT a sentence!!! You kept him well!! We are all Light!"

Developing A New War.

2011-12-14T08:26:00.000-08:00

Cut to 58'

I am Jewish. I have prayed the world...I brought soul (quote the Voice) /not the 'voices'.///

I am a wily little "Abraham Girl"

Yes! A ghost appeared and said:

"You are an Abraham Girl."

"Hahahaha....!"

---

1958: Fuhrer of the World. King of England. King of Arabia.

World Soul.

Lord of Heaven.

Any but the most useful vechiles are banned in Britain, everyone rides bicycles...I have a limosine and a little house in the suburbs, the towns were beautiful then...with circuses...everything got knocked into soulless towerblocks, and architects won awards, for piss-covered metal cages, and no cover...no covers...

The london buses are no longer red, they are black with silver chrome arrangements...there are gunners in my little houses,

there is a lot of Love...there are thousands of night-clubs, and churches are filled, and a new Israel...(and that damn Sisters of Mercy playlist/This Corrosion/) ...

Got to think specifcally here, and listen to a Voice:

Speech:

"Hitler is Dead. He hath Fell, He hath Fire and the Hell. I am Law. Now, we are well. We deliver Love. We Sing. I will become one with Allah."

Iran was insane. "Witch! Witch!" They wondered how we'd King. "It can't be a God?"
"She's slaughtered every man and now bring God ()?!"

"Daddy...sing we have Allah. It is a girl that Loves..."

England was amazing:

"Oh Gosh! A naughty girl!!! She has saved our world!!"

"Jesus! Jesus!"

"She walked in, without praying!"

Mummy with kid; "When She sings, I want you to be good..."

"Mother! Mother!!"

---right, now you think this is lunatic and so do I.---

I wanted riches for the masses.

"Allah?" "You brought King. That tale has told..." "grpijhwiniow...was it true?/am i bad?"

"Yes...tell the tale..."

--- A Temple in heaven. White light. People, A People.I died if they killed Love, am I looking at a rare picture of me in black, and I have an expression like mad Salvador Dali, and it's all black...Arabic words have an emotion revealed by colour;

I want to study Idlahamma;

a deep black/gloomy. a simple definition, in the dictionary, I know three types of black, the Satanic one is greyer, like it's built of scales...the deepest woe is, deepest black...I want to write the one word, all in arabic...I said about the Arabic green also...

""Yes, we have green-eyed monster...red rage..."

"No no, that's not quite correct...green is a feeling of Love, not sickness...the Zelda (?) You know that? That's waiting in the dark for Love...English doesn't express..."

There's dhamma...then the dictionary explains in part of dhamma, a type of Habba (Love) that he was "Crazy in Love with Her." I forget, but its something like Madha --- BLAH!

Ismee Lars. Inta --- ? Kha'eer...Dhalika Jannah...

Zim Zam

2011-12-14T05:30:00.000-08:00

Zim Zam must have been a shadow. When I went from the mosque to the ice cream cafe, Zim Zam was sitting there with girls. He looked up at me, all wrapped in conservative black and brown. And he frowned, and then he leaned over to a girl to talk.

I walked through to another and sat with Miss, who was alone...They offer to buy me drinks, they do that every time. Miss was wrapped up in a little frown, staring a the table...

Zim Zam came over just as I said:

"And he said...there had been a split in Time, which must mean I witnessed a re-birth, and I was important, and I time-travelled..."

Zim Zam stood over the table, and looked cross:

"Can I get Harry Potter books in Arabic??" He looked cross, and I shook his leg, I mean his stance turned boy-fight...I knew all this kissing each other wasn't actually....happening!!!???

---

With a friend by a river...."Guess what house in H.Potter, I was put in...."

"Erm? ...The Dursleys?" And then I wanted to tell her, how hard it had been a t home when I was a teenager...I mean I got chucked out at the age of eight, for a whole summer, and stayed in my (Mum and Dad) Grandparents bungalow, in a village with few houses, and a stinky pig-farm across the road...and they took me to a theme park once, and I spent turn after turn on the swinging machine where your shoes fly off, and they told me they did that too, when they were young and drunk, and guiltily I demanded an ice-cream...and we played bingo at the sea-side, and went strawberry picking, and Is aw a barn owl in a shed, and I climbed huge hay-stacks, and I wrote my first story, and the only books they had were old readers digests and an encyclopedia of animals, the last one my favourite because it was about whales and dolphins, and I was going to be a ceateaologist, or a paleontologist, or easily just a zoo-ologist, and perhaps marine biology...and my story was about Cassowary's, beautiful ugly birds that can kill a man with a kick...inspired by Jurassic park...

---

Harry Potter gets locked in a cupboard under the stairs, by the Dursley's, from the age of one to eleven, given little food etc etc. because his parents are killed by the Dark Lord; And then he gets picked for Magic School!

"Oooh? Hufflepuff!"

"Yes!"

---

It must have been a shadow leaving his body. But then:

As I was weeping in bed, ZimZam appeared on his, and floated over my head...;

"It took you a year to want. And I waited by that wall, because the pid followed you...yellow ochre lights, a stream of hate and perversion, and he looks arabic...thats death of soul..."

It must be like the time traveller's wife, I hadn't realised yet, that nothing had been happening for Zim Zam a year since we met...So Zim Zam just appeared in the time of a week ago...and in the future she has been coming back to me all year...

Months ago, I had slept in her room, to keep the pervert away, months into years of giving a piff, fly...he was in her room "EXPECTING!!" and I knew white wings of angels could kill him;

So, I don't know what happened next. Except the Zim Zam bits...

and all the ; (not quite explaining a soul) Zim Zam is supposed to the 'one who knows'...Zim ZAM is singing;

"I might fly thee..." It's like

The Mad-House

2011-12-14T03:25:00.000-08:00

"Oh, Gosh!"

"Sharrup, I'm writing..."

----

I am Sensei, to a new little puppy, the old one used to be able to speak, and send me news, Lhasa Apso's are magic, they are kept in Temples in Tibet, as foot-warmers and burglar warners...She has been taught, to help my sister avoid bad-men...

---

The Mad-House:

Duty was; When the Interviewer thought I was Red, she winked...

"I am putting you in light, you are, enter, a mad home..."

Scream!!

"I HATE YOU!!" she smiled: "Now, we are dead..."

The madness of a 1930's home, the girls were sparkles,

"OH, nonnnnnnnn! You look, Light!"

I screamed, I ran through corridor...I said:

"Start This, and Dead." I said:

"I'm going!"

I ripped apart, a curtain and said;

"This is Jewish!"

I took scissors, and forlorn, and stationed my mind in circles;

"Right...I'm going..."

--

I clapped, and sang:

"I am Jesus!"

I punched a peanut. I ran through the house, and took clothing. I turned into a man;

"Right...Now, get work..."

I ran to an office;

"Nein nien, Hail! Hail! I vant a job!"

They gasped:

"You have Aryan face."

"Do you want special? Or sort?"

"I'll join, Effer..."

--- I lifted my chin, clasped my hands, crossed my legs;

"I vannnnnnnnnt, S.S."

"Blimey!! SS is hardest!!"

"I know.... And I sin. Piss on my face and I will King."

They wrote:

"He has....a look like lemon. A good King...get him to Kraut. Write,: came in; Him."

I growled in the office; I growled with long hands clasped, and long legs crossed:

"I am waiting."

---

In 1935, I was cross, In the fifties I was a Star.

---

I applied for breeding, on the grounds of wanting sons and daughters, because I was weird and wanted weird children. I wrote to Hitler, I wrote I was Zwitter. But I wanted no Hell from men...A card arrived that said:

"We do not need to see your c***k...we are going to select, you have the look, and you're a beautiful pig...Welcome to Lebensborn..."

---

I shot a Jew. I felt mad. I saw they were going to shoot, he was nearly mad, "Lover! You can't win!" I saw he was going to get a worse fate, I shot him...

---

The pretty girls shone. They were wow! "And you can't lack!" They were all around 16. I was 19 and a half...

One looked down at the floor, shyly;

"Would you like me?"

"No, no, I don't vant..."

"We can have a family..."

"No, no, I die..."

---

"Keep her..."

I can't! have...I am brutal! I know girl...I tell them I'm girl and they lie.

Girl; "Why can you?..."

Another Girl: "Have you got half-blood?"

Me: "Yes, I'm zwitter...are you alright??"

Girl; "I like this...give want."

---

I took over, it's obvious...

Why there was A Door

2011-12-03T08:06:00.000-08:00

When I say, "Muhammadan" I also whisper to God, "And, yes, something Jewish..." I'm neither actually, I just joined up...To say I'm neither a Muhammadan, well I am, and I have been since that little part of teenage voice, wanted more than a little hate, and hated too...and got tired of teenagers and teenage noise...and therefore; studied through books , how to be an angry young man... and became a British traditionalist, for morals...

bla, when I was definitely/defiantly a Muhammadan, and I said so, in English class...and I was purposely weird and stupid and always stoned...and I studied the War in Afghanistan each evening, while listening to Ibiza chill records, and rollling spliffs on a balcony over a river...(because Mum chucked me out) and swearing to single-handedly stop that War, and singing, for Epiphany's, and when I got one, a strange feeling of joy, as I scribbled in my little green note-book, so that I went and cooked scrambled eggs, and put it down to, even though it was surely a reply from God, to a second hand Ecstasy relapse....

And that, is part why I am now Muslim...

The portal, was:

"To a place where Satan was at a Height..."

I cried when I found out about Lahab...I read the story of his death, he seemed to be an aggravating shadow that followed Muhammad around throughout his life...I started following Muhammad too...(t.b.c)

When Lahab attacked a boy (and he has his own chapter in the Quran) in a tent, a woman grabbed a tent-pole and slammed it into his head, causing a deep cut in his skull that revealed his brains... (this reminded me of when I slammed a curtain-pole into a man's head, and he left the house, said, to keep tapping his forehead)...

The brain got gangrene, Lahab died...

His family would not bury him, they believed that they would catch a plague from his body...this made me so sad for him....

Eventually, they did what they were told and made him a grave.

The grave was made by two men who threw stones over Lahab's body until he was completely covered.

This was hilariously saddening, and I doubt, I doubt about alot of things, to do with Muhammad, until I bunked a few weeks ago when I another school, again, full of teenagers, and hid in a library with a Quran biography, that was fresh, and described the emotions and life and thoughts, of Muhammadan, even, if guessed by the writer;

re; emerge; cleansed...and nicer.

anyway I went through a Door, And The BIG STUFF has happened;

And anyway, the Door:

The portal I slipped through, arrived by, "falling through silk"...

"You wanted to die....and..."

---

When I returned through that book, and got a bit upset about the next book; of Rumi poems: Mathnawi, (because the King was so obviously dead in that story, and you knew;;;;; what....;;;;

I got happy...

---

This book is full of portals and alien worlds...To die in a desert is the best thing...the other plan was magnified into a completely sequential devised plan, of hope and joy...

The best things have happened...Amazingly sky-full things that I have to

I have to decide to listen to God's voice, even if there are many others...and I believe the craziest things...

Going through that door, was hopeless...

I listen to That, here silently and quickly...now I am refusing to listen, but half this blog has been written by God....

Wear Black Forever

2011-12-03T06:33:00.001-08:00

We took over the world last night, we were Hope and Peace...there were two of us, and circles of passengers, in the south face wall, where the door cut through...

Every wonder became spiritual in spaces of seconds into minutes...the course of the snood curved round a bare face...a door in twilight, a new sight flying dark grey-blue like the depths of a cold sea...exact like the colour mix on my palette...then the scab of brown-red, discarded soul...

music repeats itself, like prayer was supposed to do, but then you discovered extra light...extra things for life...prayer gets to be fun...

---

I knew the twilight was making a scene, for me to play the actor and the storyteller, I knew we were becoming ...the first...

I was making spirit, in a black coat, black trousers, a black square hat...she kept her face on the edge of the pillow, she whispered, what I didn't listen: It became Everything...she said...I....

"We are in charge now...." I declared.

"Don't worry!" Because we are Hope and Peace.

Because compasses pointed North...I went to the bed...In black dress, and knees, and walking from one space to the next space, preaching, preaching...

I got to my knees beside, the bed, in black trousers. "A black square hat!"

I put my face to the floor, a pillow talking...above me...There's quiet in this direction...

I sat on knees on bed, and my face on the pillow, and my arms, back behind flying in the air, like a crow, a crow-man, in black feathers...

I went to lock the door, still pillow, I bowed towards the door and the passengers...

"I am wearing a black hat! "

"We are becoming soulful, we are Muhammadan, We are Law, We will Soul You, We are Lover. We are married in Law...Go Now..."

I sat on my knees, by the pillow, I put my face to the floor...

"Leave me now, don't worry..."

"I can see I am going to a Lower World tonight, you are going higher, you must leave me, and then we're well....I don't mind...I love God..." and I waited, at the pillow, and bowed my face to the floor, and repeated myself...

"We are in Charge Now....We can Law men, We can Ride, We will Ride Him, we Are Love..."

I didn't hear her say one word, perhaps there wasn't even a Her there...I was going crazy again, I had promised no more joking, I laughed loud, , and my trainers were on the pillow, in her face... i knew it was another annoying schism, I rolled on the duvet, and kicked the trainers against, the wall, my hair turned short and black, my image became a man, I kicked at the grey wall, covered in Arabian graffiti, I joked...It died everything a little,

"He needed a good expensive pair of trainers...

"Benjamin!! Benjamin!! The little guy in Romeo and Juliet!!" Benjamin " THE ALI!!! !!!!!!!!!"

..quickly she smiled, and she left for the Higher Heaven...

I switched the light back on and left the room....

War-Time

2011-11-25T09:32:00.000-08:00

bow to the law, law give me words;

there was a fire in the belly. I heard twice. Name the belly; Muhammed...

Does she like the O and E? She likes the U and A?

There was twice. And I believed.

Then I sat near ZimZam, and flung myself through a lemon portal, and screamed:

"There? There? So I'm dead under the tree in the desert!!! I know where I've been sent..."

I slid down the stairs, " the Bait...The Fire has the Bait!!!!!!!!!"

On Zimzam's bed:

"There's no way for me to stop that door, no way for me to be saved, I've already gone through the portal, it was so quick, this power is hatred..."

I'm a weeping black in silk, and a hot raging red fire in my sleeping...no power kill's Infidels...

It passed in minutes, a quick e-yo.

I faced it like it was nothing, I laughed, I slept, I said:

"Look at these theories..."

"And ZimZam boy; what if? How can there be two souls? so this one must go....Yes, Allah will show me again by making it go..."

Zimzam was not supposed to hear any of this, it happened two weeks, ago, I vomited over the bed in the night, I brought up vomit, twice in a few days. So, I didn't say, "It's Shamsi's...." Because I wasn't calling anyone Shamsi...

They were all sure. And so I went to the cafe in the dark, and bought a plate of chips, a big plate, I ate fast. and I crashed:

It was a blank, then a quick drop, focused over my cup of tea. It was sudden blank pain, it flowed through my eyes, and I stared over and around the centre point of death.

"What has happened?? Everything has just died, I can't cope, how will I get out??"

I heard: "Daddy has died..."

"Who is Daddy? Why me? Who are you? I don't know you? Why can I die? I freak...Is this a Mohammadan girl? Don't tell me! Who is Daddy? I will mourn but I don't know why? I've nearly died, am I the daddy that died?? Don't tell me!!"

I went outside, the table was silver, I put mug on table. When the mug hit the table, it made a soft noise, but the feeling of the cup was a grating flesh-searing soft tap, I rubbed my finger under the cup round the little dent, it didn't feel soft, I tapped the mug a few times on the table and the feeling was still soft, it felt like smelling the colour creamy sick white, a putty smell you can't wash off the skin...

I recovered by walking home and becoming a lunatic, joking and hating through doors, I passed the place of the fruit and veg stall, where an arabic man had once called me over, I was angry that he called me, and I kicked him as I walked, his beckoning turned into a loud punch, he kicked his fat body off his chair, wobbled up and down, and shouted:

"Oh Boy! My Son!!"

It was a quick hilarious use of power I don't want...I ask for light to be taken away. I pray heathens dead...

I'm writing this because it's a mental month...the 2nd egg, the one egg, left the fire...I wanted to put marmite in my pasta, eat fruit bars drink vitamin drinks...impossibly I didnt understand this sort of thing , doesn't happen, in a week, when I finished eating, looking at my fire, asking Mummy God, a woman said call him Muhammad, I said sure but this has been insane before. You must know?? I !! know !!

If your all sure.

I took two tests in the hospital ward once, I was certain, because guys were appearing, a mentally disabled lad, (I mean psychically mental disabled) appeared in my walls, I saw an image of a girl with Amy's face and my red hair...

I dreamt a future alone with my kids...the baby girl and I both get bob hair-cuts, eventually she has to use a wheelchair, because her limbs are little underdeveloped, I see women in tichels, and black clothes, all looking like whiter versions of Michal, come to visit at my welfare-given free house, the guy with the divvy stutter and big enthusiasm had got a bedsit, called a bed-"safe", nothing better, it was all disabled because of the drugs.

That's a stop.

A blank.

The planet was Ezequitar. I had a free house I had a bed-sit. It was all-joy...it's a long story about the kids, it got insane, I had numbered the kids now had five different mums...there was my son John(my pick) Edom (her pick), from a seperate time and place to teh other kids, who wanted to divorce his wife, there's another story about those ones...a terrible almost comediac story...

Zimzam.

Zimzam is pretty and a hero. The first story she heard was when he called: He said:

"Mummy! I am star-light! This is so Him!"

We get like silent death. ZimZam will choke, you choke....

I tell the story, and the point of the story is like a fable.

All I need to know is assurance, some good truth, some honesty. Honesty is here, and the fact of fables is true, just little points like star-light dont shine through...

So thats

a stranger sentence...

To Zimzam

2011-11-25T08:02:00.000-08:00

...hilarious war, silly war...
nothing can be shown, nothing explained....

delirious war, idiot war...

flayers...Fating...Forgetting...a joke love...

"Blackest Angel, You are Fight. I fight Free. I don't want you to tell everyone we're Hate...."

Special Days. Unexplainable Days...

This Heathen sings, that I am the Black Dog-Boy Jibril...I am Take. I want you and I fell. White Fox? I can't find my Love, I've wept every single day. When I weep on pillow, you weep all day...My throat is numb, the headache cold, rare kisses, and no tongue or throat. Never Silence. I should Raise a type of Love, where ;

I am studying silently. I study you...When I smoke I study, when I walk I study, and I worry the study alot, 95% Fear...

I called her Shamsyee, and you let me toy, I toy with history, I toy with your beliefs, there's a mirror, in me and Rumi and Shamsiee, but I left you out of that, a terrible war between Love and Nothing, what I've broken, left you in rains and rains of words, and curse of ruins, becuase I'm soiled...Now she's Shamsi...

Insane insane, terrible fires, I bite Shamsee, while you roll the stone, I take her from place to place, and cut at you and cut away. And make you wait.

And bite, then roll...

I have a fire in my belly.

"And I'm in the desert!! And I die under a fucking tree!!!"

I wanted to keep the fire for ever and ever...

Now we have a Holy Fire.

And not a dream, and not a dream, or a fear...All become One. The Dream : Some little guy to love a little more...

And patience, and names and Holyier names, and types of feeding, and types of killing...

Lots of doors for us.

And Shaytan lies...and fearless fixtures, on your teeth and your cries, and your weeps, and it's Shamsi for ties, and bits of lover, so move over and you can watch, watch...and when you watch I can come back...

When I can develop wish or wash, "ZimZam." All the waiting was fun.

And we are Liars; O Heaven,

and watchers.

The witches.

I've forgotten again...

God's Morning

2011-11-25T07:44:00.000-08:00

telephones.

You call two. and then exclaim!!;

"I am the Wife of Allah!"

you don't know why you exclaim,

so you sing, you roll around like a loonier, jump off the bed holding a white sword in two hands... stick on a Mastodon album...

The firs thing you when you check...

a blue woman's voice in the sky....then...a deep scream, made of rocks and brains, and deep old..."The computer!! In God!!" preaching to children;

"A multiple brain, a force into a woman, I force her to woman, then a formation back into 'Nur'...(Allah begets none, nor is begotten....)"

Cuddle the lady in my pillow, singing rhyme from the radio...roll with the pillow in my arms, and kiss the woman...

Pull the light into the left hand side of face, flesh turned into rock...Hear...

"The goy men are crying Hell..."

I'll fight Hell. I have an ache in my face, and the clock is running.

A bark dog.

A boy angel that bark's and growls and sings like Blood Mountain...

Destroys the satan...black hair, black eyes, black clothing...knock knock:

"Your Dad is Here!!"

War-Time

2011-11-12T05:44:00.000-08:00

Hope.

I studied. I became a hitler. I read secret pamphlets. The pamphlets were about sicko. They cowed. I read hitler.

One.

They were special. They said; we are Higher. I liked cool. There were stories about Vikings.

The 1st one:

"We seek Satan."

I was in love with Hatred.

I went to school...I was a fuhrer, especially an Untsharfurher of the Reich. I did this by school.

When I arrived I was in a circle. I fell on the floor, and crumpled. I would like to say I touched the ground like a cat. I was clothes less, and astonished.

"Oh God. This is dark..."

I got given a table.

"You." nod, nod, "...are Jewish..."

"Nein, nein." shake head, shake...

"What do you want?" A hand on a piece of paper.

("I want. To, Fight. You!")

"I think I'm dead...I've lost my mind...My mum and Daddy are dead."

I had landed in the brusque. I worried, I sheltered in a storm, a large luckless storm, full of fool, darkest rain, blank tiers of fell-storms. Luckless.

I hurried through the streets.

"Find a girl, find a girl!"

I found two happy kids, who giggled.

"Lady, you are fit. We help you..."

"Help me. The fucking pig burnt me!!!"

---

They led me to a Kraut. He said:

"F***ing Hell! You are God!"

the Irish luck and the flared hair, red gold, but only in sunlight, or an electric light...the Irish mind, the the inter planetary red...Irish temperament...IRISH...leprechaun hair...big giant leprechaun, horns hidden in the hair...hooves, furry legs...

The first book, made me 'gosh!'...It was scientific, it sheoled jews, they were superior, the jews were superior and they wanted a war...they "Satan Luck..." ...we can only hope...

"We are wise to War...We are Luck."

I got the book from a woman...

The Interviewer was in tears:

"Your mum and daddy are dead? Vhat foul!!"

"I help you...get a suit...get a memory...give us Luck. You have entered fuhrer..."

YOU>

HAVE.

ENTERED FUHRER...

here we go, f*****g pig, here we gooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

BE VICTORIOUS!!

----

I got joined to parties. I got special prize, a suit, a luck.

I was 19. Nineteen in Soul. I fell door after door. I had been asleep in the mental hospital. People all over the dormitories were interplanetary travelling, an old grumpy woman was landing in a little town of Amwell, demanding to leave her day-time clothes on, every time she slept, I knew Amwell, well, it was full of huge wooden American houses...and a friend.

I flew through a dark room, falling like drowning in water, shining doors moved all around me, I went into a door, that gasped:

"We are in need of a Messiah..." a whisper gasp:

"Help Us..."

I chose that door.

Because I was sick of falling.

"Just let me out..."

"This is it!! I'm going through! I'm going through!!"

---

The book that led. It made me think, I was special, I wanted to crime. "F*****g Hell! I am Red!"

Getting a home was Hell. I got put in a dormitory in Munich. I was a mad-girl, but special, because I looked like a King. I decided to transform, I burnt bits. I had it all shaved off...I joined Munich...I got a seat:

"Welcome to the Talk."

---

I begged. "Will you help me?" "I am Hitler. I need showy light, I want Reich. Give me a job."

I got thundered.

I blanked out hatred. I joined the pips. The Army. I was UntSharFuhrer. (Sargent)

---

Aber

2011-10-29T06:28:00.000-07:00

True Life Story of my Ancestor Aber, in Moorish Medieval Spain

The man ran at him, while he swept the street with a broom.

"Bastardo!" he shouted, " Get here! I want you!"

He looked up, the man wanted to fight, he ran at Aber, and cut, he pulled hte shirt off him, he pounded his chest, screaming;

"BLACK MAN!! BLACK MANNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!! The Negro wants to hit me!!"

He ran like a cat, quick as lightening, he ran into an apartment, and shocked a woman, the woman was Spanish Moors, he tumbled through the building and dived, he crashed into the floor. He whipped his head round, two women were on the floor, they sang: "OUT OUT!!"...he quickly leaped, through the balcony window, he landed on a apartment roof. He was crying, he slipped into the street, no-one appeared.

He ran through a wide alley, a girl came running through, he grabbed her, and cried; "I'm dying!" She gasped:

"You are. a good. man.. I help you...." She led him to a door, he flew around, hearing a pounding noise, he jumped, he fought the door, he ran back to the alley...she screamed, "You will die!!!!!!!!" He stumbled, he whispered; "You are good girl. I will die..." She touched his arm, and held him, as he collapsed on the floor..;

He said: "Go to hide..."

He fell back on the floor weeping..."Good. girl..."

He gasped as she held him....

footnote; i hope this is okay for them and isn't misunderstood, these are tales of my ancestors, which I'm discovering and putting down in this blog, i'm writing them through someone else's memories, it's not fictional, it just seems the story has been written countless times, this is the 12 th Century story of Grandad in Spain...

The Letter

2011-10-29T05:10:00.000-07:00

Amon Duul II - ArchAngel Thunderbird

A panorama, an angel in holiest king, a white temper, a virgin queen, light like leaven, lemon queen.

A jewish holy, a white queen, serpent tables, just and fair, orange like queens, a virgin bite, light queen, purple bright.

Grandad Aber

2011-10-29T04:50:00.000-07:00

It's beginning with lots of motown classics, on the mind. So, I play them. Delete with respect.

I don't know, I don't know. So, I research family-trees. I've got further than, some priest in Canada, and cousin up north. Spin! :

So, a sneaking suspicion, came to mind, there, may have been a jewish boy, in Medieval Spain, but there was also, a black boy.

Because when Nanny Charlotte, appeared in my cupboard in the cage dormitory, 2007, she had freckles and tight black curls. And another vision, of a woman with an African face, but with yellowed skin, and long neck...Egypt?

---

Grandad Aber.

This feels like evil doings to write all this strange history, in my Mum's kitchen. Like it would kill her.

Let's publish this out in bits. Sorry, folks.

Fat Calcium Vitamin Drinks

2011-10-29T04:18:00.000-07:00

The Nanny that told me about Nanny Anish, was an older Nanny...she called the 'ceasar year' (??) the 'heathen year'..soooooooo, she was a Muhammadan. Of the year, 632. (Was that the time, the Prophet 'salla alahi wa salaam' was born?)

I believe it was. And she;

She married Muhammad, she had a wonder-joy.

The hero was Grandad Aber, slave of the Moors...they took many men, from Morocco to Spain. They built houses, they slaved in dirt. He was born, 1132, he met a jewish person, and fled...Because this person was going to fight him, he ran to, n******* (?) I don't think he ran to that...anyway, isn't ESP, a wonder?

See Research, lots of Africans were taken by the Arabs, and made Slaves, in the Medieval Period...okay!

This person-thing, wanted bad black. So he ran.

Then:

He was arrested.

vague, vague...

I don't know why this 'person' has to be jewish...that's...baaaaa---d to say jewish is an evil...sheep...a division between the sheep and the goats, Revelations...a black, book...

---

God. This is going to take forever, to find a good tale....

Kitchens

2011-10-23T07:29:00.000-07:00

The war, in my view, was supposed to be black and white, I fight two disgusting monsters, pray for perhaps the whole of this fair country, because it had invaded town...
We pray for black and white...

Heaven is beautiful, Hell is horrible.

But, J.R.R Tolkien, wrote that Mordor (Hell)...will seethe through, into our minds, create arguments, mad wishes, bad mistakes...(Children of Hurin)...holiest peoples were destroyed, from the inside...

It had to be black and white enough to let me go...

It's there...
it's always been muddy...

What could I overthrow?

I kept clean, there were momnets, when the voices and the haters, could get htrough to me...I was resting in bed, weeping on sofas, anythign It could catch me with, scenes on televisions, people passing me in the streets...I never used to look up, I watch the pavements as I walked, they were see-ing through my eyes...this went on for probably, two years...I went through getting a diploma, in a fight against Satan...

I had to play ping-pong, at a gallery show, when the Arab girl that bought my painting...(painted on wood in 30 minutes, yellow back ground, Hand painted orange swirls, spray painted bits of red, a black image of a man with a moustache and a twirly beard, blowing smoke made from my hand swirls...I wanted 45 for it and told her, I was happy, I wasn't thinking, she ended paying me 20 pounds etc. because I couldn't think about being good enough to give her my first price...then I saw it behind her, shook my head, my mouth falling open....the thing was trying to get to her bottom...)

even when I got to Tajweed and fell in Love with that, it could get me, on a train, it could bring such a darkness inside a crowd of people boarding a train...So, I went a little wrong, a little sinful, I wanted to dream about sex in class, ...then I cried each time, in front of the Hafez, I failed the exams twice, I couldn't even read, in the exam, 0 % Tajwid, A half-mark 50 % for theory....

I knew it was men, in magic... I knew the men's names...

I couldn't talk to my kids in Heaven, because I wasn't well...I tried to call people to pray, and then I got into fights with the people to pray....each and every evening on the train I would talk and joke and cruel...also on free days, at the house...slamming doors, walking round and round the garden...

Then, it seemed to me, like all my worry had suddenly disappeared. I can't remember what it was...it wasn't the green stuff, we thought about, and talked about...

I know (and even now, I nearly forgot) I converted in December, I didn't want to convert in front of a strange, pale, red haired Shaykh, I wanted to convert in class....

So, she did Du'a...I vaguely guessed she did...it was around a month and a half ago, I got back...and it wasn't because of a kiss...or because of anything...I just stopped being paranoid, that if my family in Heaven, Nan and the kids came to talk, that they wouldn't hear foul men, and they wouldn't fall, into being sucked into Hell by Satan. And it wasn't men that gave me help...we just didn't know about Satan.

I wasn't going to poke a cigarette into Father's eyes, I was going to convert terrorists, to destroy the real evil, that hides...and then, I had saved them all, by letting them free, in a real War.

And then they would change their minds, and stop, War.

I need that grandmother back: (my other nanny right now is sitting in front of TV, I've spent every Sunday, on this damned computer...and they're watching ****)

One of my grand-mothers came down to talk to me, I wrote down what she said here;...

Around the Heathen Year 1264, my Arabic Nanny (Anish) ran away, from the family...(I like to think, Anish is like my mum, always ready to fight against things, though she's never left town, and whats she fights isn't too righteous, just that same type of will-power inside....) Somewhere in Moorish Spain, she met a Hebrew boy, so then, he ran away...and they had children...

Somehow they got through Europe, and we get to the latest, my Nanny is in Cork, Southern Ireland...18--

So, my old Nanny, won't come back to tell me more...And I need Nan.

My fat Nanny is front of TV, she has black hair...and a wide nose, that ends in a diamond-hook, to me, this proves things, mixed blood...obsessively, must, have ,special, blood.

The eyes, the eyes, The Eyes have it!!! (Shakespeare?)

AN accent: worried, look, tearful voice coming from the front room, ghost nan:

"You are not stupid, okay?"

---

And!

End!

Friends

2011-10-22T09:14:00.000-07:00

We lost you, we lost you. Why couldn't they quiet Soul? We lost you to Sheol. We saw...

Peace.

My baby, my baby.

My Sire is dead.

We lost you, we lost you.

"How are you, Little Soul?"

Moses said: "I will fight and I will scorn, I know those men red, I will kill every Satan..."

We're singing People. King of Amorelia is weeping....Christ Girl...

"Why could we let them die?"

"We Love You."

Kids

2011-10-22T06:33:00.000-07:00

There's a war in Amorelia, I don't really know whats f-ing going on, except that, it's Amorelia that is the Cruel one in this.

So, mummy has just bought me burgundy (women who love women; see ;colours of soul;) brogues...

"Where is she from, d'you think?"

"Eastern European..."

The beautiful Jamaican girl, showed me a picture of her ex...the black drug dealer that thinks he is bi-sexual...the beautiful Jamaican girl is with me all the time, she's like 5'10...and autistic...she is isn't black, she is completely white, I don't know if that is because Jamaicans are mixed with white immigrants, and their attitude is a little stuffier, and I said so....but she is dark, with a red undertone, bulging shy eyes, that look all over the middle distance, when people talk to her, attracts the hip-hop boys, perfect symmetry....enough...NO! She likes my music, has Jimi Hendrix t-shirts....etc...enough, i like writing more than skyping, jus' saying...

The drug dealer, had one grey eyebrow along his forehead and a skinhead, and one evil american-hick face, he looked:

hick..."Evil, and like a down-syndrome...So? Will I get a chance?"

Together, we always have a chance, and we say so.

The gay-boy, ("Be good to him,Christian is good.") and I have done nothing for our film project, we need 2 mins of footage each, He took me to the photo place to borrow a camera, we were too late, it's open for just 1/2 an hour a day..." So, I left off making the sculpture with the smelly kid who draws demons, and went to the computer suite...

Passing the student union, there are pictures of gays who want children, when I see the female one I laugh, because I can have children, and I won't let them, I stand there staring and it occupies my mind every time i see the poster, I wont let anyone know they can make children...specifically, I begin vomiting all over the pavement, when I see, a girl in pink on a bench with two old gays, this is strange, because I put my card through the door, turn round and I'm puking on the pavement..."That proves so many things, old man...."

I drew and coloured a circuit board, which flashes and changes colour, and then I found an 'earthquake' option, which vibrates a few frames, I needed music, so I looked up 'Kraut-Rock', which covers the early seventies, prog rock movement, supposed to put on some Kraftwerk over the patterns, but needed something a little darker, and completely instrumental, spent two hours fiddling with files and movie players etc...decided like the Avant-Garde german film we watched, with collages of monkeys, and sickeningly some Holocaust photographs, ("I'm see-ing me in this film they know, this is like my book...." And so, thought of looking up images, to fill in the minute I had left of the film...I got to Acid Temple Mothers, images, there was no speakers on the computer, didn't know their stuff, found a picture of two naked women kissing on the album cover, decided to fill in the odd half second with psychedelic naked women, adding boobs, nude, and primordial african mother goddesses....there was no room on the computer for any more files to be added to the film, it's in on Monday, have also found a 1950's film, called Sappho of Lesbos, the whole movie on one file...certain scenes, involve a hunky man falling down a cliff, naked women carrying firewood and sheep, hunky man being kissed by everyone, which I found:

"Laughable..." It actually looks like a big-budget, at the time, blockbuster movie, like that film about Moses, when God is a Fire, on the mountain, adn lately I've seen that, like it was made especially for me, a fire-line, but:

The other kids made a video of a dance, specifically, a small black standing on her chair and wiggling her bottom, over, another gay-boy, a large fat kid, in a tweed jacket, who stood with his legs splayed, nodding his head, clearly overwhelmed by the dance, and at one point shyly slapping her bottom, I sat and stared...

"She is so white...."

I don't listen...I don't listen to the words of gods.

So, I planned to watch that film in the dark, tonight, when everyone is asleep, but checking the film, I had nedent worried. It's nothing like my lost copy of Vampiros Lesbos, a 1960's film....about a rich loon, obsessively crying for the blonde, Linda, Linda...and living in a minimalist apartment, with groozy red furniture, with Igor, the ugly, idiot, butler...

---

....etc...

---

The broken-face registrar.

They both wear cheap jeans, I'm a little obsessed with footwear, mostly trainers, I'm obsessed with women in hijabs, because I refuse to wear hijabs...I'm obsessed with the foreign girls thick eyeliner, I'm obsessed with making sure I don't make eye-contact with greek men...I'm obsessed// with being the best//.

Cheap jeans, are dyed bright blue, they have a thicker weave, all round they feel rougher. I have mostly grey jeans,some from Sparks.

They cost me: Always:

£2.50

So, I wandered madly behind a door in the corridor, as the registrar, strolled with a hop, down the corridor with a graphics bag, and a water-proof jacket, and looked at the butt of her cheap blue jeans, I don't do this normally, but I've gone:

'Pathic.'

Pathological.

Not in a lying way. But odd stops in behaviour. What I think is evil in man....not too evil...evil to look at a butt. Evil to... I forget...

Broken face, knocked my tea over at the corner of the stairs and giggled. What did I say, then?

And I asked about this in the dark, in the kitchen, which was a place to silently call and think and I also asked about the jewish-broken-face, and heard:

"She will have you Mad..."

And:

"This is God? This is God? She will have me mad???"

And there's a God, that appeared in a fight, inside the lines of my book, and the Man says: "She Will Love." And the wisest showed me bigger words in the words, and the words were:

"SHE, REMAIN, WILL."

Of course, she f-ing will...she is only Will, despite all the evidence. And I've saved her, in the Jah-Speaker at the office, door, by saying:

"I Yiddish, I Yiddish..."

And God, is an African Woman...

---

That other one, the teacher. I didn't get her, all that time, full of lies...

Whispers in the class-room, from the girl I go to gallery's with:

She was shagging some-one else...

So, now I don't know who I get, and that is making a bit of me; 'Pathic.'

I was quite sure, she was shagging no-one, every time it was mentioned in the cafes around the galleries, and I was superbly, chastely...(?)

Now I want the Jamaican like I want light. "I'm joking."

I've been describing Rastas, in an Amorelian language, it's all become a hit. "But it's evil drug taking before God..."

Four of the darkest stars, landed on my forehead. I was being scammed again. I had said:

"You forget there's a Jihad, a Holy War, against f-ing Satan, and you've left me in it. It is unfair."

I'm blaming saints, like King John, John of Revelations.

Countless times I've tried to put him in Fall.

Someone called Moses, I called. And some of the Royal Amorelians, my friends. I tried calling Jesus after forgetting about it.

So, four dark blue stars replied....I did this by getting through to their lovers, asking women for help. I went specifically to their bedrooms to ask for help, I finally got through, before this I cried Attack. I wanted to ruin their bedrooms, and hurt them alot. Stars were weeping. Man, Satyrs were weeping.

I didn't listen to the stars. I was with a girl.

But, happier.

---

This is one to delete...

Goats-legs, or sheep legs, another form of soul, usually when I'm trying to attack holy people, I grow white curly covered legs, and hooves, I have horns in my hair, I wear a crown of grapes.

God must be a silly woman...

That Moment

2011-10-15T09:04:00.001-07:00

Christ!!?? I am Allah's Father!!!

Whiter whiter, you've finally left that tremendous death in Abel. Sooo more....

My transformation is devil...

then Nerina Pallot, again, the lyrics: Put Your Hands Up...spoken...

---

The soft white is a woman. The black heaven is a man. The kill in the woman is to be a man. The bite is from an abel. The abel could be cain. Often is...The cain is cruel to the white woman. The black man isn't devil, he is just the woman.

---

transformation, the communication is frightening, it's never there when I want it...when it is, I'm deaf. And dead.

Ok, I see a room covered in dark green, that means true love. I want to high a higher purple. But i don't want it, really...I wonder if you got that silver letter from the painting?

I know she gets every letter. But, I don't know if she does.

That white woman, I called her Big. I don't like her tears.

That voice of Lover.

I know my biggest love, is...God.

I weedled and plied for a form of a woman in a God. I said, to lovers, that, was the only lover.

The Father of the Son. I saw a little bearded black face, a little musky unclear picture of green eyes above a little black beard, a bit of brown skin. Who said, something in a syrupy accent.

"Lion's syrup!"

"A proper real, voice!"

"I forgot what you said!"

"Leave! I hate you!"

Then the transformation, a black window, and suddenly a little black girl on my chest.

So she said:

"It's the strangest thing that you're dead, because I am a girl...because being a naughty man is dead..."

Two nights later, and we haven't called each other back.

I've gone back to calling God, the highest spiritual soul. I've gone back, to speaking my mind. Touching the sky.

I turned into a man, the other afternoon. An obvious picture of a man in soul. A large "peachy, huge, round" woman appeared. I said:

"I like your hips,
Now; do the splits..."

"That means, leave, split. Split, I don't want to be this man..."

Everyone appeared. We talked about earth friends, I said:

"They told the joke,
what they said,
was dirty meck,

and it left me in a total wreck..."

huh, poems, we flip each other poems...

I feel like swearing. Shame.

Where was God?

Crying, because I told her everything. The toilet turned a certain dark blue. I didn't listen...

The guy was white, with black bits, previously I was brown, with praticular muscles, and more black.

I was wearing a black jumper...

---

I have wife....

---

The Moment.

2011-10-15T08:25:00.000-07:00

---

"Wonderful! Wonderful Hate!"

theme tunes for life

Mickey....

If I have soul, I am King. I was a wonder-star. Built fifth element...

My task:

To engross;

"...you want something special. See Christ;"

The part of love, we great. The higher love.

?? petal.

I have found a truly Lord. He is pretty and whiter. His name is Christ.

"You are the only one I really Love. Higher love! I don't mean I don't love the others. I only love you, really. You are the one I love. You are the one, I mean, the one I love more. I do love the others, what do I call higher love? This is high love, what can I call it? I will tell everyone I love them! I love you more than the others. God! I have found someone I love more! I do love you. I just found higher love! I love you, boy! I can see a higher love in this one! No more lovers...more lovers, oh, don't go others, I love this one more... "

parts of love

Thought faded.

God wrote everything good. I took God thought.

It's like a darker purple, than those religious lovers, it's girl lovers. There's dark purple everywhere now. I watch it shoot from eyes, circle in the air. But, you are boy, girl-lovers. There was a little green, in dark purple hair, across my chest. There was a voice like boys, that said, old and spice. Not musk, not old, just wise, an assurance of heaven. A little black! My own true, little and dark haired. Then dreads, I dread those dreads like musk. But, an assurance. Little black lover! Change, change.

It was the wrong theme tune to life.

It could have been, By the River's of Babylon...

So disappear quick, Lover. Never come back.

I have the little black girl.

What will you do? Little black lover!!!

Nerina Pallot, Put your Hands Up.

The Prayer 2

2011-10-08T08:16:00.000-07:00

I have free lessons at the mosque, once a week...I've gone backwards with memorising surahs, as there a terrible uncleanliness in me, and it needs to stay away from the book...I picked up:

"Au'do Billah Himena Shatayni Ragheem..."

Quicker than even I thought I word (would), and I've been doing this for almost a year...

We sit in the deaf girls section, which is just on some odd landing around two flights of stairs and a ablution and toilet just opposite, where we all share various sizes of flip-flops...which always astonishes me...because my socks still get wet, and I wear sizes too big, and they're just there....and...when I went there to paint and draw the people in the place, I had to continually change my watercolour cup, and each time, a strange looking woman wearing glasses with giant lenses that make her eyes look huge, stops me, in arabic, and points to the flip-flops,

"Sister...sister..."

"Yeah, just a minute...yeah I've left my ribena in there..."

"Sister sister, blah blah blah..." pointing at the flip-flops...

When the Adhan begins at a specific time...before that prayer-call, my teacher thinks I'm not going to pray, because I sit silently holding the book on my knee, leaning against the wall, feet out, sighing, because she's going mental, beside me, clutching her head, and bowing up and down...there's a lot of psyching each other in this white-muslim-women happenings...so, I psyched I wouldn't prayer, and then...but this is the girl who says Allah will reward me, damn if I forget to say:

Sallaam Alai Ekom

When she goes to join the other women and a stand in line...

I get up, and put my hands on my knees, leaning forward, I watch them, from a little distance, and see my teacher turn dark green...

I sigh...

I stored up, about little more than 1095 days of prayer, which means, specifically, I pray in a chair, in a bed, round and round a garden, on the toilet....

I know there's a war, and I prayed Sanity....

If men and women in Arabia or anywhere else, have to be tortured and killed, then let them die quickly...there are other alternatives. Just a quick little heart-ache..."Cut into their heart and you have a quick death..."

The men torturing them:

"Let them know Hell, make them die..."

We sing:

"A-audo billah himena shatayni ragheem....."

We prostrate, we stand up...when we prostrate again, I cry out...

And...

to the right of me, like a secret black door, a tiny white light, shines on and then off...

I look at the women in line, and wait to bow...

I get on the floor, and then stand up...

My right hand blazes with red flame, on and on, the fire flies through my hand, and disappears into the floor as I bow and touch my hand to the floor again...

I was in delirium...

I wanted to let every muslim I knew what had happened...it got horrible, I kept repeating the same things, at once I expected them to see, without explaining...

These were important things for me to include before I finish the blog....

Sallam alai ekom

The Prayer

2011-10-08T06:13:00.001-07:00

Last night, I was eating noodles at the same table as the fat 'Satan Who Hath Fire"...As he bent over his sausage and orange beans, the Jah-Speaker came over to him, leaning over him...then his talk went stranger, and I saw myself looking over, a psychotic evil, grinning with a snarl, he had his face in the little blonde woman's, the blonde woman, like in the photo, sat eating with a sheepish face, and deaf ears...,

"yeah, and Woody's my boyfriend..." It was sharp, low growling hate, then there was spitting...

I stared at the ghost inside the fat man, there was almost a staccatto type of worried laugh, coming out of me, perhaps she had started to cry...

I was full of the disbelief that she hadn't left, that she couldn't get out.

This man used to have a twitch under his left eye, when something was about to happen, but then he was always too cool, to make any kind of fight...and he'd make that frown, and flex his muscles under his black leather jacket...then he would know he was cool, and that would be that...

But this time, was worse than anything I'd seen before...

So, I reacted twice...I remembered I had been punch in the face at the shopping centre, and then with no one to help, followed the rest to his designer clothes for men shop....crying in the shop, because in the car, I had sensed a pin-fadel, and...

had grabbed his neck with both hands....

and...

I didn't believe, a few weeks ago, that if the little blonde left them, something worse would happen, they were goign to do somethign to her...

I twirled a fork-ful of noodles, stared through the fat man and the man-boy standing over him...remembered the punch...

and...

I transformed, into the image I had first transformed into when I was in the tower-block, when the next morning, I saw the last eye twitch...

I reached out over the table, and my bigger hand, with my bigger arm, went through his chest, and I saw his face drop and he coughed...

and...

he began coughing up blood...

I spoke to the little blonde, like a dark blue line, conversation looks like lines of light...

She was giddy.

I bet she's stupid...

I took the noodle bowl into the kitchen, and said:

"I've murdered."

A joyous murder!!

I took out a pro-biotic drink shook, checked I wouldn't fly with hand-prints on any type of furniture, laughed when I told the little blonde I had murdered, poured out a smoothie, got a Mocha sachet out of the cupboard, checked I wouldn't fly.

And.

PJ Harvey-The Colour of the Earth

Then there's the Prayer to tell about.

The End of The Blog

2011-09-10T09:08:00.000-07:00

I've found myself repeating my stories. And making things worse...

The Tale has been told.

This is the End of the Blog.

Please find some more stories:

http://dadoichzlig.blogspot.com/2009/02/time-dimensions.html

http://dadoichzlig.blogspot.com/2009/01/hair-colour-it-is-mothers-wed-which.html

http://dadoichzlig.blogspot.com/2009/01/reich.html

http://dadoichzlig.blogspot.com/2009/02/matishis.html

http://dadoichzlig.blogspot.com/2009/02/israeli-defence-form.html

The Dumping Ground of the Universe

2011-09-10T07:24:00.001-07:00

Emelbert, home of the rat-people...

There was an influx of english-men, demons like little women with red and black and yellow tentacles, and the terrible ruling Goyim...

I choose to give the patients in the hospital "Fly..." There were grades, levels, and colour codes. I learnt the colours before I was locked away.

There was the colour fluorescent blue for Emelbert...

One night, standing in my sister's room looking out over the garden while the whole house was asleep, I heard a crowd of voices. It was something to do with giving Finland, powerful light...(seriously)...they didn't want the light, and they threw it back violently, the gardens to the north-west, lit up neon blue, a huge mass, a wave of light began to lift over the fences, and shot like solid square towards the window, I ran out of the room, the bathroom door was just in front of me, I went into the bathroom, and the blue light screamed through the tiny window, I ducked, and ran out...

I was trapped on the small landing, and each of those doors glowed full of this light, It was sharp like a knife, I almost fell on the floor of the landing, with no where to hide....it looked dangerous, sharp as glass.

I learnt the colours when I walked through town, to the shopping centre, different colours were flying through the air, merging into passersby, into houses, even a bright blue light into an big, slobbering dog.

During the day of learning colours, when Satan had already appeared in the town, or rather, kept itself in my room, or when I went out for tobacco tried to shoot balls of flame from the sky...stuck a cat monster that purred to me, stuck somewhere on the bar of my borrowed bicycle...the Babylon Whore...("...the Devil's girlfriend...) A cartoon picture of Lars Shalom, meeting the devil's girlfriend on the top of some stairs...so I knew I had fallen into Hell...

and I called everyone in town to fight...I saw how people were wearing their chosen colours, a tall white man with a skinhead, in a stripy black and yellow ochre jumper...women and girls in pink, one in lilac, African men in dark blue, some in green....

How it got on radio, and made men say disgusting things...

The family had gone away to Spain, which was where I sent them, after some days, of the arrival of the 'Roman Emperor', I had already moved the kid out of her room, with a sleeping bag, as the Emperor was inside one of the walls, and I had to keep the rest of the family in a safe light...One day, they got too loud, slamming every door...a kind of toll outside in the road, the cars passing by...I said it was a Toll-Gate for those who would be saved or not...

I hated the 'cat' on the bicycle the most, because no matter what I did I couldn't get rid of, I rode all through one newly built town, through chalk quarry's and to my aunt's house, everything was dead, there were zombie witches cackling in her garden, though they were invisible, I couldn't shrug them off...I spent hours in her garden, smoking and smoking...then I ran a bath, the bathroom seemed the safest place, I couldn't tell her what I was see-ing, and the taps went on and off, and I spent most of the day doing that, sure that this time, instead of exposing my skin to burns, it might just keep Satan off me...I didn't get in the bath eventually, and went to sit on the spare bed in her library, when:

I spotted the 'black book'...just mixed in between, several other odd books, Japanese myths, Anthropology books about menstruation, a dire book "probably by" by Sackville-West I'd tried reading before..,

The Crowley book.

Dead, dead, dead....That book.

I was dead if I didn't take it down and threw it or burnt it...I tired to persuade her baby-son over days, to get rid of it...

When I left, and rode back up the winding road beside the chalk quarry, with the cat still on the ******** bike;

The bike jack-knifed, it just broke apart in the middle, and the tyres were down. The chain had fallen off.

A little white car drove up the empty road, and stopped beside:

It was the social worker manager from the evil house up the hill, that used to be my art club, the place were I continually drew copies of skulls, from my original copy of a real live human skull, and I like the art-club teacher, because she was gay...

The social worker had been looking for me...I was miles away from my parents house, so assumed somewhere had telephoned the house-up-the-hill...

I hadn't yet got back to my new flat, which was being refurbished after a fire months before...When I got back to the house, my aunt arrived, in my sisters room, I had destroyed the bunk beds, moving the slats, away, so that I wouldn't be sucked into the portal called Hell, above my lower bunk...the little bible (which would evoke many demons, because there is evil in the book too) was resting on the edge of a slat on the lower bunk, throw there, of which the mattress had been put on the floor, and there were big burn holes in the mattress, and bowls of soggy dried cornflakes everywhere.

She did something astonishing;

She leant over me, and shouted at me, as I sat kneeling on the floor...it was shocking to me,because I could see she knew what was happening but;

"I... she was wearing boots...."

---

So, I learnt that we were put in levels, and Emelbert had become one of those levels, the lowest of course, a little higher and safer than damnation...

---

I met a girl on the benches, she was a ghost, and she lay in my lap, I had met her before, from the War...when I was trapped in the ward, I would walk down the halls, up and down, I began to imagine where I would "Fly" to, I began to practise, I spat on the floor, and I high-stepped, I did it in front of her, forgetting I was being watched...later that night, a woman I had sent to Emelbert came into the dormitory where I had woken up...

She had gone to:

"A terrible place, while I heard you went to a party..." (sometimes I hear where people have gone as though there is a sound-window above their beds....)

We had hired a jazz-band for our wedding, me and the girl who had spat on my shoe...

Lars and The Books

2011-08-28T13:18:00.000-07:00

I like to think I have a Life...I have lost the best book; one I wrote in Rehab, I forget the year, but it was early summer, the garden was huge, with a smoking shed at the end, and a little fish pond...I was taking different types of drugs for different mental illnesses, and I added to those with some stuff magic, the round red pills got me hyper, and I added to that, wibbly woof, a Planet Jesus drug, and some little dark blue blocks called American LSD, or acid something...never touch the Dab-alien, a dark grey evil-looking powder...

So I began the first page of six hundred pages, tied together with string, which I got with the pads from a trip to the post office as I was collecting benefits there with the staff.

The first page, was about Amorelia, it went from a description of a Choosh dog, which I first saw, in the corridor, my wife holding it's lead, it's an actual reptile shaped like a whippet, and very dangerous, that she had one on a lead, shocked me, that she lay on a bed, in the rehab conservatory (no sitting in the living room, no TV) like the image on my dark blue t-shirt, an image of a woman with long flowing hair, holding a sword, floating around her, shields wearing the Union Jack, faded through red, to orange to a green...the model....cool...it went from the description of the Choosh dog, to some kind of Burrough's like, ritual mourning...then, at the turn of page 2, became Jewish women, calling me as they were dying...where I guessed, in a camp somewhere in Germany...I would make a great journalist, I write as it happens, and I didn't give my self time to let in any type of emotion...

I was aware that lack of emotion was the most disgusting crime...the worse crime.

I wrote what she said when she got home, and carried on with my book.

There are two books, of around 300 pages each. The second book started with a story of two homosexual men, sitting in a garden, one of them spots a gang of gorillas, and chimps, and there are some sort of jokes in it, about invisible monkeys. But the second book got tainted...

I had extra books. I had a red thin hardback book, containing songs, the songs were in Punjabi, they were Holy Songs, for some reason I already knew that, Hindus Indian's, worship God by making and singing songs...It was a translation from the depths of the 1st book, and contained songs of Chariots, and Horses and Swords and Worship.

There were chapters, containing conversations with a Demon, whom I mistook for a girl, until I heard:

"Wear a Purple Bra...."

"You want me to wear a purple bra??? I'm writing the blood of David is dead....do you really want me to get a bra???"

Lucky for me, the book was more important, than the serpent sex, so I stayed at the desk...I had a little room, with a chair and a desk, I stood a little out of the window, with a foot resting on the roof, perched on the window sill, at night, to smoke roll-ups from butts of roll ups, from the butts of roll ups...Once, when I crept out into the garden, late a tonight, I saw, a river full of reads, and the most frightening hairy orange arms, reaching into the water...a Neanderthal, I expected, or, "that thing...." and I dreamed about the little baby on the basket, floating along the hallway, on the end of my long robes...

I wrote down the lyrics of the songs PJ Harvey was working, in the dark,big scribbles and little mashed up words:

"The Wave Winds are Billowing!!!"

After her lyrics; I wrote about a man watching a concerto of violins...

Next thing I know, I'm on top of a cliff, with King Gray, in Emelbert, in the last war, watching for the dragons demons flying towards us...We are just about to die, and he tells me he loves me, I say I love you too, I die grotesquely, I am burnt to a crisp by a dragon flame...: "Only her feet left..."

Next, I'm wearing muffles over my ears, with a roll-up in my teeth, in the snow...I'm disguised as a boy, and I'm in a Russian Gulag in Siberia...I work there...And the only Russian I know is "Dah..." Then I'm found somewhere by Russian soldiers, discussing Americans, The Americans are God, are you God...are you good...don't care about Americans, no good...then a Jewish man, watching us says he will take me away and marry me, before anything bad happens....

Then the worse book. The second book, was becoming total Hell, not in the way I wrote it, but in what colours it made, and what;

Was being read between the lines....

Start on the story of the Choosh, and pick a special language, use the pen above the writing to pick up each word...and glowing, new, white words appear...

The first language I chose was Aramaic, because of Adalia. It involved the word Sedition, I didn't know what that word meant...Then Greek, then Chinese, some Japan...a lot of annoying Japan,:

I am a star! I drive the car!! I go far!!! The car is a star!!

And so on for some pages....

The Arabic was amazing to me. The Book and the Sword!! it began...The thief holds a dagger, he holds a book....

Kurt Cobain got involved

So many stories were coming to me, so quickly and with little of my own thought....

Molly and Ben and Eloise. Something off-key form the other books, a saga about three people in one couple, and that never stopped, I could always go back to the story of this threesome, if I was a little lost for words, of the naughty Ben who visits Priests, and then makes love on the beach, sings and defies, always wondering whether I am put-upon Eloise, if Polly is Molly...Molly is the bitch...Molly is out of order....

There was the Story of Our Little Sister...

"What shall we do for her??? Silver Palaces or Cedar???

WHAT do we do when she gets into the car, with the knife or the fork....

The book shone like the moonlight outside one night, and I heard many voices, women's voices,, I turned towards the window, still at the desk, as the words I had just written, actually danced in swirls in the air, and spelt;

I Love You...

"This is Elf Language!!!"

It was late so I went to sleep, I went to sleep...

Everything is dirty after that.

The second book, began to shine dull disgusting colours, a dead silver, a deep yellow, a black grey, a lime green, a dull red...the stories were all in the same vein, though I stayed away from translating this one....

I had no idea why this book had got so tainted, because I don't think I had shown it to anyone...

Anyway, that's all about why I'm trying to write in this blog, and rediscover some of the stories...

I'm tired...

The Lizard

2011-08-20T07:01:00.000-07:00

the mental health care worker, also the one I see as the house-keeper said:

"You know what!!" Put her in the bloody temple, "Thou Who Doth Defy!!"

She has a man at home, who recently became obsessed, with "the devil, I'm getting sick of it, he is always watching the god-channel, and talking about the redemption, he wasn't like this when we first met, and it doesn't stop..."

I hate this woman so much, she used give me palpitations, if my room wasn't clean enough;

"Right, you know what!! You're going back to the hospital!!"

It was so terrifying I shut the door to her, and was in shock for some days, the days after forming a plan, hiding when she was around, and avoiding her presence as much as possible...

...it involved praying for my life.

One day, when she came to check up on me, I managed to get her to shake considerably, because she got an invisible powerful shock... so much so, that she jumped back as I opened the door and wailed "OHHH! OHHH!" As she had no idea how to stop it, she stood looking at her feet in front of my open door, crying "Oh! Oh!" she stood shaking extremely energetically in front my quickly closing door and exclaimed "OH! OH!"

"That's it! I'm putting you in the fire!!"

I wanted to put a form of ghost in front of the door every time she appeared, but no ghost, no angel, was willing to help...still I shook, and still now, I ask who is working what shift, when, so that I can erratically clean my room from time to time if it is her, as for the other times i don't know why I'm messy...as for her jokes, damnation. I find it incorrigible to hear English Jokes...

(note I've been reading Conan Doyle, The Lost World, and The Poison Belt, for the big words influence, in the last few posts, but here, on blogs I make no effort to actually do any kind of 'proper' writing...)
---

---
I shared some milk at the fridge with the: "Satan who hath Fire..."

The other man, referred to always as a boy, likes crying out ;

"JAH!! Selassie is the form of God himself!! JAH, Jah..."

As he also likes to talk about sex, some of his singular exclamations apart from things like ;

"Elephant Man!!" when he see's 'the Satan that has Fire';

or "Ronald McDonald!!", when he passes me, have become:

"Evil -Doer, Fornicator!"

---

The Blind Mice, and The Lizard With the Flaring Tongue

2011-08-20T06:08:00.000-07:00

There was a little mouse, with a rather larger than normal head, zooming back and forth, out and behind a flower pot...I spoke to the mouse, and discussed the Emelbert-ian evolution of the Rat to the air around me.

"You Mouse, are a little thing waiting to bite me, your mind is gross, you have a terrible hair, you have dusty feet, you have a grotesque soul, bought from the enlightened...you pity me for being bought...you sail through blood drinking and delight in Hell...you were made. by...me."

The computer keeps turning itself off...back later.

EmelBert: (Bert-meaning=Planet)

'The Happy People' were once grotesque in manner and function, their minds of a mixture of pharoahic laws and the basest Satanic influence from humans in the development of their thought, a small soul, open to anything that came through, their look was three feet tall, with variations, lime green mixed to lemon white, almost transparent skin, thin membranes, large heads containing considered, minute brains, long, forked tongues of various length, a voice hissing and curling, they developed a mind-voice, twinkling in a monotonous background sound of fuzz, tails or no tails, stumps of tails, tails of various shapes and length, writhing evil long tails...

The Happy People greeted the Emelbertians, the rat-people; in the first quarter of their human-like development, long after, their shapes and sizes had been almost fixed, at the stage of being introduced, to a soul...it was a dark shrine, under the ground in the giant nests, of branches and moss, they came from different planets, perhaps different galaxies, different universes, I can see the position of these planets when I look up into the night sky. Planet Jesus glows dark blue, Emelbert is as lost as Hell, a star surrounded by a haloe of dull dead white, yellow, hot red, and deep black.

Yes, Emelbert is like Death in it's people's eyes, thick deep black un-seeing eyes, that hide where they look so it looks like they cant see anything, but they are able to see through the darkest places, they watch you with no emotion. Where the Happy People had become pharoahic, was a surprise. They had been thrown into the puddle, and left like that...tiny and many.

Someone had introduced the concept of a Temple, to both species. The men who did this were Earth-men. Inside the underground tunnel I could see, through a window in the wall of my room, the squat extremely hairy Rats, stood four feet tall, and fat, huge fat bellies, behind a table, they had a manner of all chattering and whining and screeching together when one of them started to talk, it was a language...it was a dead soul-less electronic-sounding speech.

What I assumed was Cups of blood, stood on the table, the rats beckoned the lizards; the Happy People. It was a ritual of welcome. It was a dead.

It was dead. Everyone of them had the aura, not of death,

but of dead.

My first idea, was to set fire to the whole place. Abominations, Evil Doers.

I had met the Emelberts before at a much higher level of evolution. King Gray said, something memorable: "We've been through some knocks, but hopefully, we're back to snogs..."

I am now going to investigate what was left out.

The Fire raged, then the poor things began to squeak.

Those eyes were like jumping black beads, trying to fight their way away from the rest of the face.. The Happy People came down the stairs. There was an aura of evil in the tunnel, as the window first opened.

Nothing has come here to explain.

The Wedding

2011-08-11T11:02:00.001-07:00

I'm actually excitedly waiting for my sketchbook to arrive from the back of a taxi, instead of spending much time on the computer, actually doing nothing, reading what i always read, and playing what I always play, the 'death' has lifted, and I've not so much noticed, but 'noted down' that I have a sort of small smile playing around my lips, I'm not hiding inside some tiny room waiting for the hell downstairs to leave...I like watching the rain through the doors, it isn't always weeping, and I'm spinning on a new leather chair, sunshine has lost the fiery ball in the sky, and I don't boil over in what was said, and I don't get the piffs, and everything that shouldn't be said has remained silent...

I have some kind of monster I'm trying to corrupt, in pen, in watercolour, in oil...to be part of a painting inspired by all the Turner's, and the Constables (Hadleigh Castle where I've been many times, though I've never seen it look so wild, as he cut through all the surrounding fields, to add in the Thames River, and now the ruin sits on regularly mowed lawns, this was painted around the time his wife died, and it is also wild, the colours are gloomy, and the clouds are thick and and dark, dirty and wild, and the Van Holst's (Goethe's Faust, the favourite one, sorry, Gerter, not, Go eff)...I like the depth of the green background that melts into the fairy's face...Turner paints the worse kind of figures, he has a mighty Hercules (I forget quite who) in the middle of a storm, waving two bendy sausage arms, with a fat blobby figure...all his figures are fat blobs, all I have to do is work out how to paint an immense amount of oil paint layers for the sky, and what detail to put into figures, and what damned historical type of story...I've been introduced to another German Royalty called Herkommer, which I must research for grandad...I've shown two friends, a picture I stood in once, Absalom's Tomb in the Kidron Valley, the goats have gone, I think the top has fallen off the tomb, and now it's surrounded by gravestones...I have to be a little more transfixed by the evil face of the Man Who Taught Blake How to Paint...best to avoid even looking at the thing...

I'm drawing images; from images I see in shadows, in the worls of woodwork, in dirty splatters on walls, on myopic faraway details, on spillages, on messy paints on walls...and I keep finding monsters...a dog like dragon standing on a pig like beast...a 'sky monster' like a huge bat with scaly skin and many wings...I want the Constable clouds, and the Turner landscapes, cliffs in the corners...made up buildings, G. Moreau's figures...some 'fairy blobs with snaky bodies and human heads' which appeared on the dried milk running down my mirror...

Now I forget why I am smiling.

Perhaps I should write here what was said.

I hate to listen most times, and this time I'm being assured that not listening isn't all that bad. I've gone to them clearer and wiser. And this time I like hearing them, instead of the worrying them.

Well, I'm going to put a little sketch up here of my dog monster...

I heard don't worry about a thing, "You are welcome to Higher Heaven...." "You have Eternal Life..."

God

2011-08-03T07:31:00.000-07:00

I called God once. I went all the way through voices in Heaven. I've called quite a few times, I hear women, my friends, my family...all up in Heaven...most of the day, I'm in miracles, coloured lights, that are speech and each colour signifies emotion and soul...and usually it makes me weep, sometimes I'm well enough to talk to the kids, most times I use the madness to tell them I think I'm in Satan, then I shake and weep...but at the moment this:

I have a record I bought some years ago. It's heavy metal, 'an old school' type of record, songs about Thor, men with battle-axes going to war, wolves, mountains etc. Ozzy guests sings on one of the tracks.

I had completely forgotten that the first time I played this record, I had called God...I wanted something with a bite to play, my CD player hadn't been working well with any Cd's I put on, but this time, it managed to work, without showing up the error sign...I sat with my book on my knee, when track 6 lit up on the player, and stared at the red number,

Track 6 began as a garble, and continued un-intelligibly all the way through, it squeaked, it destroyed any type of instrument, it flashed forward, jumping, and squealing, faster, and faster, some of the noise went upwards, all of it scrambled, no vocals, like a strange language, I would have to think over and try to translate.

I guessed that it was God's speech, God, with a type of brain that can think at astonishing speeds, and that has thousands of thoughts at once...a type of computer mind, bringing out lists of numbers which make words, and control everything in the universe.

I'm sure, track 6 only does this on my copy of the record.

I jumped to the first thing, i could think of to hear, a deep wrathfull man's voice said:

"You will never become Law."

I quietly began to die a little, because I've entered Law, in Islam and in Jewish stuff, and that is mostly a correct observation, in that I don't effectually have any religious law...then I decided, No, this can't be God.

I went for a short walk, to buy soup and chocolate, the soup for my preparation for Ramadan which began August 1st...I listened to the record as I walked...there was another voice, it was a lighter girls' voice, it was sweeter, the words were sweeter, it was my 'japanese girl' the voice of my own personal Boddhisatva...I chose a woman's voice, because I would love that more than I could a wrathfull man...God is sweeter, than any type of Law, the Law is different, holier, wiser, easier...I repeated the sentences, one I remember only and most of was:

"Do not be afraid of going to War..."

I remember more, right now, and I will write them down:

"I will fight in soul, we will become One..."

and in the scramble of track 6:

"Sought me, Sought me, sought me...."

---

I began Ramadan in a flash, all alone, I looked up the date and saw a picture of soup and dates, I went out and bought them...I woke up a 5 in the morning August the 1st, and bowed, I said a little of Al-Ikhlas...I bowed again, wanting to talk, I saw dark green, black and blue, I left the room, without listening, I don't listen, and I'm rather sick of it, the plan had been to be completely alone, and think of nothing while I drank soup, also to taste dried dates which wasn't an appetising thought, I put three on my plate for afters, and nibbled through just one which eventually tasted quite nice...I tidied up half of my room, the next day and found my Salah, my four previous prayers were now; null and void. I washed my face and snorted water up my nose, which felt tickly and made me laugh...washed my arms, left the water dripping freely to dry...read through the complete ritual of prayer...it was a long list of long sayings to repeat in just one sitting...

I picked a corner of the room, and stood with my hands next to my ears, said:

"Allahu Akhbar!"

I said: Protect me from Satan!" ("I've been in a lot of Satan...")

Went through; Al Fatihah quietly, with hands over my belly, swore once, over a long list of other sayings...then stood bending over, unable to get my head to line up with my knees, then; prostrated, looked at the book in my right hand, from the floor, and said:

"Sabhannna Rabbayil A'laa..." this is to be said three times, got confused about where to put my left foot (under the thigh) and realised I hadn't bowed on my toes...stood up again and did that properly...and then very quickly, gave up and turned round on the floor, to go back to the other book I was reading...

That was at Asr, and that was the only time I prayed that day, I was in a car at seven...and then grumpy at night-time...something about being at Mum's meant obeying mum's Law, especially, obeying, by eating duck and hoison pancakes at 8 o'clock, and chocolate at night...it's nearly Asr, again, and I don't want to, because I've kicked myself down again...despite deciding to actually go through my own Adhan...

Which I've let 'out of the bag' now...and maybe that's affecting something...

The Revolt

2011-07-18T08:36:00.000-07:00

I'm adding this link, because it just played on 90's radio, it was a surprise hit in Britain, and reached number one, originally written and recorded unknown with some kind of radio, in his bedroom...and well, the lyrics...I imagined my future with this song, as becoming some kind of utterly cool type of woman, perhaps a little Marxist, also, coffee-cool; which I didn't want after that, because a later age, I discovered many type's of marxist books, in the family library:

White Town- Your Woman.

"Omesius Si Gusus!"

"Here She Comes!"

I heard "Orgasm!" and screamed, ready to fight foul fire...for saying a word like that when kids were listening. Here comes my baby!!

It was the Lawyer, most probably, sitting in front of her TV, with a blanket, and a small vodka and coke, or a Cointreau's, or any kind of drink, in her verryyyy white hands, though she no longer has such an extensive choice of alcohol, I guess, not like her parents did. That's it, my best friend from school, whom I haven't seen for ten years, apart from an odd meet in a street, with her skinny lanky boyfriend, and other undesirables I just didn't want to be there, in, when i was in that kind of fuzzy loneliness, wandering out to buy cigarettes, and sometime papers, and full of cannabis in my blood, no money, and no home, while she was studying Law in Spain. Because I felt at that bus-stop, she didn't need my problems, her worried face... And I didn't need someone to speak to...

I didn't want to speak to the Lawyer, I was thinking...

---

"Omesius Si Gousus..." is Armenian. So there went again the searching of family trees.

I wandered down stairs to grab a cigarette. More Armenian.

"Well, it is the key!! How many white people do you expect to get married in their mother's kitchen, with an old woman walking in with a broom, conducting like the wedding, without a priest, and kissing the face in two hands?"

She said my fingers were 'white poo'.

Someone had seen; 'my "Paki-Wife..." This was the Armageddon:

The Rabbi had an Epiphany.

I said:

"I have great fear, when I looked through, I saw a yellow monster snake, and then further in an image in dark blue."

He said:

"It was already happening!!!!!!!! How could we have missed this!!??"

I thought:

"Well, you have your secret books...."

What He did, was call the happening, by reading exactly through God.

When I saw, a face turn up into a huge yellow cloud, and scream..." I went to bed. I lay on the bed, with my black coat and it's wide collar, up to my eyes, and drum my fingers, silently praying the shock of reaching a Hell-mind, by sort of humming and relaxing...drumming little quiet rhythms. I had heard him say:

"We are from a man from Heaven...."

What went wrong is that I mentioned a man and she read the man's mind...the yellow and the scream....What I call The House, is here, all round this blog, I'm tired to mention but it would be best.

It looked like the Armageddon, when I appeared in the kitchen again, and the sky, was blank, all in grey light, not like a cloudy grey day, but a actual grey over everything. It began when I stayed awake all night, successively, smoking cannabis, and then madly praying at the dressing table, I lifted a lamp, and smashed it through a mirror, I picked up a heavy book, and brought down full-force to a sleeping man's head, he leapt up and punched me in the nose. Lightening struck me, and I screeched, jumped up and down, like an hysterical monkey, grabbed a small joint, and ran to the police station. A troll-dwarf took me back to the house, I stood at the front door, in fear, did what I was told, and slept in a room downstairs, on a little bed alone. A gold watch on a chain, which I found in a cupboard, I took into the rubbish garden, the hands turning quickly, backwards. I ran through the alleyways, night became a long day, I was bleeding in the streets. I found a car, in the car-park next door that looked like a friends, when I opened the passenger door, a young foreign man sat in the drivers seat, there was a big lock over the car's steering wheel, I knew it couldn't be his car, he looked like a Buddhist (where a Buddhist means looking like Buddha himself, a wide glowing face, large brown eyes, skinhead...) I couldn't speak, I grab the radio knob, and tried to find a sequence that would explain what I meant, I got hysterical and became that monkey again...he stayed staring at me sweetly, then leaned over and gave me a quick kiss, on the lips, that calmed me, he got out of the car, with a light blue rack-sack...I had my pink bag with me, I watched him stroll away, to the East to cry....and I went West...at the corner of the road, I threw The Tao I contained in my bag, a black shirt, on a bush, because, we are going to die, everyone will die...because I wanted to keep the white t-shirt...everyone will die...I wanted to keep, the White...there is a dead man...

Another night in the House. I called God again...the man turned to me, and his hair was wild and light red, I watched as his face changed, it grew older and older, his nose shifted, he is an Elf face, he is old Father's, he can't be King,...his eyes shone like cats eyes, big and yellow, his voice was deeper than I had ever heard before...he told me to go...

I only stupidly told the Rabbi, that I called a man I didn't even like; an Elf King, that's when I saw the yellow light in the Rabbi's mind, and the scream...I told the Rabbi about my crown, I got it years later, when I sat in a smoking shed, and woman put a circle of silver on my head, the inscription appeared in flourescent blue, a black claw, grabbed at the crown, I changed it into a ring, and it is on my third finger right hand...

why do sex men sigh? Must us, must us...

Before I got to the kitchen, I walked into a supermarket car-park, everyone had aged, crowds of old people with greying hair, I thought I saw family, and stood before a couple, who didn't understand what i had said, who I could only see as very very old...

we must weep...

The Rabbi hit God, and died. He screamed at me, as I sat in the man's van, everyday i sat in the van and waited for the end of the day, I went back there, to the House, after the Arageddon and stayed in a van...he wept and wept...he said;

"Stay strong...It is only war..."

When each day was successive day-time, I saw myself, walk by my own window, dressed in a silly water-proof lilac and black jacket, Mannie's jacket...screamign woman drove round and round the house, I did what they told me and ran, but still, I went back...

The Rabbi, was warn: "Do not talk, just go..."

One of the men was calling other men, he was supposed to the be the Lover, he made a Hell.

"She's safe..."

The Rabbi wailed: "Throne, Throne...you've got me to the throne,

shaking:

"J'ES'U'S!!!" physical body shakes, "Gross men, gross men, the armageddon, it was fool's men, they kill jew, kill the whites, gross men, they are going to kill a jewish light, Father!!! GET HERRRRRRRRRRR, IN SINNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!"

The Rabbi sat weeping: "They are going to die...they kill...they die light, she's the whitest jew..."

to be cont.

Father Muhammed

2011-07-17T14:39:00.000-07:00

"Lu-weesa!! Lu-weesa!!"

I was thrumming through the alley at the side of the world, dressed in blue side-long pearls, one Imam's hat atop the head, coloured in jewels, a black and a white, the trousers were cut above 'delicate' ankles, they were darkest blue (the Mothers) (note; I am 'quoting some-ones eyes'), the shirt was black, she wore jewel, eight white bangles, one crown, (silver with flourescent blue elfin inscription; "We have Love Forever) on the right hand third finger, a light in the left eye, a wink...she walked through a barren wasteland called the Temple of Love...

..."Lu-weesa, We Still ('stop it.'). We are going to fight! I am the Lord-King!!!"

Lars thought Stop. She didn't want to fight. She wanted to soul. Where she walked was glass, where He sat was like a glistening fool.

I called them because I went mad. I called every help.

The Rabbi's Epiphany:

The Pool Cue

2011-07-12T11:53:00.001-07:00

can turn into a snake!!

Forever Favourite

2011-07-12T11:52:00.001-07:00

System of A Down - Inner Vision

Long Way Down

2011-07-12T08:52:00.000-07:00

The record that got stuck, played every week, from early this year:

1000 Robota-Fahr Weg

Classy

2011-07-12T08:31:00.000-07:00

I am now getting free lessons, in Tajweed (which is the reciting of the Holy Quran) from my teacher, we meet every week, either at the school or at a mosque. She gives me talks, but i think the talks are just the regular thing.

During those, talks about reverts, about striving etc. I burst into tears, I listen to her, but i want to listen to something more. I cry out, all the calling for help, all the death, and the flying, and the hurt, and the black magic, adn the overall failure of my soul, and it's nothing else that can make me openly cry, I let the tears fall, and I rock and nod my head...I kept telling the other girl it was because of Djinns, because there was no way I could kill her with what happened.

I'm sloppy.

I failed my first class, then failed the next one, which means I'm still on level one. To complete level one, you need to work out what the pronunciation rules are, who to elongate letters, where in the mouth and chest to pronounce words. I have a little tick in my throat because of heavy smoking.

I guess I live like a Heathen.

So I got, 50 % with the first teacher, this was all thanks to a girl who spent two hours with me showing me her notes just before the exam. I look dizzy and dumb when it comes to Arabic, okay so most of my life is a little lonely. I mis-pronounce words, alot. When I was a kid until about fifteen, I could never work out how to spell tomorrow properly...and some words in english are awful for me.

When I'm upset I refuse, to greet anyone with the words, Sallam, saalam alai ekom. NO...I tried putting together, what I called; a gentle rhetorical statement, Mashallah, to be a tiny bit different to this constant Inshallah. That deliberate and precise word: Inshallah...that mostly means nothing, in context, because it seems it's there to be used to fill in every conversation. but I mumbled it so that got me a scowl, because she didn't hear me. That upset.

Amount of swear words increased highly. Plus watching of Heathen tv shows. And reading heathen books. All of which I'm allowed, which the teacher shockingly said; if it isn't 'pornography.' I shine in hatred, I tend to give off a warm light golden light, fomr my aura, whenever I recite Koran, or when-ever, I just know/can see, someone's slipped and sinned a little. Because my sins are BIG. I forgave that word, by lifting an eyebrow and looking down at the Surah in fornt of me.

I get into tears, every time we meet, I sit with her, and freely cry, it doesn't feel forced on me, I just sit there streaming tears, while she gives me the spiel. What i've told them is that I can hear the Beloved. That's all I've told them. I've:

'concentrated my voice in Heathen, somewhere above my head, up in the sky in the garden, and said I was designing little mosque ideas. The woman who heard me, said :

I will build a house of Love.

There were other words:

'Tajweed would bring light.'

It didn't bring light, from November to May. But it was something I fell in Love with at the first class. When my teacher was a heavily pregnant French woman, who exclaimed: Oh, La, La!

I was big sin.

I tried sometimes, spending two hours or more, rewriting and rewriting all my notes. I didn't do this two often. I was supposed to memorise ten of the shortest surahs, plus An-Nas, a little longer. I was lazy, then menstruating, then lazy, then mostly scared, then worried, then dirty. I copied them into phonetics and memorised 2 and a half Surahs on the 45 min bus ride to the bank. I thought I wasn't supposed to do that, but I told them I did.

To add to all the injuries, she asked at the last lesson, if I knew what Wudu meant. I said yes, and explained. It's ritual washing. The one who kissed me, I thought, shouted out Voodoo, once, and I looked up from the book and blinked, it was a violent explosion. I was actually expecting to be asked if I even 'Ghusl' ed. I almost threw the chair off my back and ran to the toilets. There is a sign saying that pee=affects= prayer. The Salah. Perhaps Mum told of my old habit of pissing on floors, because I was 'flying.'

Two girls arrived at the care-home to do work experience, they were both in very conservative clothing and tight hijabs. The first one, saw my painting of swirlign, yellwo blue and silver, legs, breasts, bodies, writhing in a mass on a wooden panel. She lifted her eyes like a little sheep., very obviously hurt.

When the second one arrived the next day, I tired to do-somehting-that-is-Him. The staff-lady said, I was learning Arabic. I say it's Arabic, because I have the problem of explaining why I read Quran, Of course this is something that should have me thrown out for denying Islam., but I don't want to talk to staff. I'm learnign Arabic lnaguage alone. So, I was talkative this time, and we went through the colours, I couldnt rememembr, and through 1 - 10. She was veyr nice and smiled.

I played pool later, in the other part of the house, she was leaving to go home. I said:

"Salaam Alai Akom." And I heard a noise form a ghost, it was a choking man, and suddenly a loud sound of flatulance. I was playing pool, because I was in the red, again. Wow! I said, It kills Hell!

I was singing in the garden again, round and round walking walking round the house, and as I came out of the back door, adn to the table I threw myself down on it and magically exclaimed: "Islam!"

Surrender.

I got 64%, next time and nothing for recitation. I chose special clothes that were meant to negate the whole thing. First exam, a military kids jacket that fit me, the second exam a cheap Ireland rugby top. I rushed thorugh both exams, we got an extra hour to learn before the recitation, but becasue I had a hot fever, I spent it dying just outside the door alone. I went in, and said nothing at all. I jsut said; "No, I don't want to do it."

I had a period the other week, with Al-Fatihah to know, without reading it. I got an extra week. I opened the pocket Quran a pupil had given me for free. And I coudl suddenly read it well. I sat in the cafe, and decided to read on through Baqara, silently but aware of the sounds needed. I fell in Love with Tajwid so much, I decided to abandon it. In this Baqara, though, I kept hearing myself say Fuck Off. which is what I actually said, a week after I read the book, for a total different reason. She couldnt make this lesson, I still don't know why I am getting these lessons, not one single other person, i think has ever been given these free private lessons...

I don't know if I like her.

I didnt like her after the Spiel.

But I like her.

She came to my art show. I gave her a shoddy little picture of an ottoman man, with word Kuran behind his head, it was spelt wrongly to her I expect, with a KHA...it was something a kid could paint. We met at the British museum, firstly had lunch (a disgusting mix of duck in hoison sauce in which I found that evil stuff, called mayyonaise.) My hijab was on too messy, so she took me up the road, adn we walked in through the Uni of Oriental Study. I said, I wanted to do Oriental Studies when I was younger, I've told ehr about the mad trip, I ahevnt actually gone through the right kind of conversation needed for a convert, liek how Christians who 'find themself' can. I don't like it.

We went into the tiny prayer room. My brand new summer shirt, was discovered to be see-through. I thought, Oooh, la, la!?? So, we did the ritual of the prayer on the mats, and as I put my hands and my forehead to the floor, I felt very lifted and cleaned. But as she started chanting 'Sabah Lo!' which I had to repeat, I silently screamed. I laughed out loud.

"You're making that up!!" Sabah Lo! Sabah Lo!"

I thought later, Seven I'm Low??? Is she crying to the Beloved, or some other kind of Mother in Heaven??

It was Spiel, but It let my tears flow naturally, I was a little miffed about the pret manger cafe, it like being with mum to be told off about hijab. And the mayyonaise, and well she has this general demenour for being pissed off with me, maybe because she's small with a little dark face.

I got dumped just an hour later, and went into the Mexican/Axtec area of the museum. I magically guessed the name of a sculptured God, just before I turned to look at it, and said to my baby in Heaven, if we should invite the guy who carved it to Heaven. Then I saw this image of a skinny naked me, being thrown forward, in dark yellow light, a fountain of dark blood flying around my head. They call it a third eye. I dont get this often, and I was stunned.

I bought a coffee, and ended up in an expensive part of town, full of shops, still weraing my hijab. I sauntered over to a stall covered in leaflets, without looking up. I spotted Hebrew books, I picked those up, and then muttered no, too sacred, I said it out loud, and looked up a the voice, a beautiful wow-wow woman runnign a religion stall. I saw one Arabic book. I said:

"I became a muslim, in December, No, No, no..." and looked down again...she gave me a big nice smile, she wasn't like those fuzzy Bah'ai's I met, she was like a hebrew model, with large features and long chestnut hair, white face, and she stared into my eyes, and held out her hand. I took the arabic gospel of Luke, and she chose a cartoon for me (about a man who suddenly dies, and is shown all kinds of things he did wrong by St.Peter..."Wellll....they run the doors differently now, you can expect to land in a bed, some might be unlucky and wake up standing up...") I frowned because she chose the Jesus DVD, because I don't like watching 'television is heathen.'

When I got across the road, the tube station was there, and I took off the hijab, leaned on a railing and smoked a cigarette. Of course, I went to talking to her. I saw her in white with a baby in her arms....I thought about her for a whole day, and a half, and wondered why no-one else is getting Heaven visitations and what am I supposed to do? Go in like a red...

Charity

2011-07-11T07:23:00.001-07:00

I have a empty bottle of water, that I use as my 'Ramadan Box', I've started filling already, devising 60p to one pound each day. No fifty pences. For teh reason, that, even though they don't 'fit in the box', they are too special to actually give away. The two pence won't get in either, so I've decided on adding only one penny coins, and of course the twenty's that make up sixty pence. No pound coins, under the reason, that that is not change.

There's a gypsy van, behind the tree, at the back of the garden fence. And just one fish left in the pond.

Snell, Snell

2011-07-11T07:13:00.001-07:00

I've bought a second hand , 'guitar hero' package, complete with guitar controller, and a warriors of rock game, the guitar looks very, Kiss. That was the first t-shirt I wore in the Holy Land, I don't even like Kiss. At the security check, the woman searching me, commented on the t-shirt, "Yes! Kiss!" I said. I also said; "I do love you, but you're want..." I thought she would kiss the Kiss.

I had to carry the package home in slight rain, with no plastic bags to fit around, and when I bent a nail on the edge, that bent painfully yet didn't break, it crashed to the floor, I wanted to check, right away, on the bus, I waited, got back, and pressed the button that runs the controller, it flashed, still had a battery, when I couldnt work out who to open the battery compartment I got very angry, I couldnt get the lid of the box to slide back over it. Quite angry.

I bought it with a voucher from my sister, it's for the kids, one of whom is meant to be a man, and it's mostly for me. I sold a set of crappy, what-they-call abstract paintings in neon pink and yellow, fixed with wires between them, which i would have given away for free, but the woman appeared with a ten pound note, and i thought i would have to talk the paintings, but, i just said: "Help!" The teacher was going to put some more not-even-started giant pictures around the college walls, but I screamed, "I don't want to be known for making crap," and besides:

"I only started to paint in April/May 2009."

I'm also supposed to be having an affair with her, not from the others, who say it's the other teacher. It involves alot of looking at the floor and giggling when she speaks. I think she's quite pissed off. Every-time. And I talk and talk in the house, and then just go.

Yes, I have been reading the diaries of Adrian Mole. And I hate the writer, I read Queen and I when I was a kid, and at the time it was a hit. I msut have been about nine. There were no more books, after we moved into then house, at 10...because I hated that there was no street, jsut a motor-way, adn anywya my Just William outlaw's gang, had to finish soon, because I would soon be 10, the gang consisted of my best friends snotty fat little brother, usually covered in pasta sauces, who I once had to carry away from two dobermans blocking our path to the 'meadow', very sweetly and mummy-like, but no kisses because he was covered in snot. The gnarling evil, and huge dogs were owned by a woman in the back streets, who kept a run-away loud squealing pig, that would scream through the streets and have us clambering up the garage roofs.

we went to Grandad's after the bowlings. With the exchange girl. I had a collection of german pop music to show them, but they didn't come into the room I was playing them in, in the kitchen. We set off for Grandad's. There's a rumour going round that he is blood for a Bavarian King. This is madness, I've done a little research, and found one woman on the net search, who believes she is the blood of a Bavarian King. Then I found out about The mad King called Ludwig. And I've also looked at British Kings. Alfred married Elga, that is in my family tree, had two children called Hellman and Halga. This could be Alfred the Great. Then Alferick, Alferich. I dont know German lines, I only know the last two hundred years. So, I jumped up from the table, I ahd sat breifly on Nan's armchair, which I would die if I had to any time after she had died, but I havent been in the flat so long, adn besdies, it was covered in a pillow and some sheets. Grandad was opposite me on another leather comfy arm-chair, with his nose peering into the TV, sitting half a foot away from the actual set. Earlier we had gone to the pub, around lunch-time. We arrived so Dad, could cook him food, while dad was cooking in the kitchen, and the kids were sittign on the sofa, I jumped up, at the big framed photo of my red-haired aunty, walked over to the cupboard, careful to avoid looking at Nan's pictures, just in case I made a comment, while I knew immediately, she was ; looking down upon us; I ignored the aunty picture, and peered closely at a small photo of a very young grandad.

"Who has chopped off his head??"

The photo had been cut-off at the neck. I stared at the face taking in details, the eyes. At the pub Grandad had looked wise, and very, very, thin, so that it made him very handsome, he had a walking cane. He looked very tanned, somehow his eyes looked black, and his beard had been cut, so that it was a diamond shape round the goatee, and a little shaved around the edges. When I waved at him from the car, as he apprached very very slowly, I saw his eyes spark, perhaps, because he could only see my hair, which has grown bigger and very curly since I grew it form a skin-head, and saw Nan. I took his hand, (because I had to show something special) and then let it go. "A Spanish-Algerian~!"

"Nein! I said...noticing others were looking at the photograph..."This isn't Algerian! Look! Hez eyes hath the blond'! This eyes are english past german, I think now, I can see, He is the illegitimate blood, of the Evil, Kaiser, the latest ones, not Ludwig, look at the narrow long face...a bit in the face, a bit like that...phillip, phillip, that old cow...You know I talk to them alot, yes I love Elizabeth...there is a bit of white!"

He practised German with the exchange girl. I worried.

She was from Munchen-Glad-Bach.

He had lived underground in Berlin. I decided to quote Nan a little.

"No you didn't..."

He had been there two weeks, until they took him by underground train, to another camp for english men. I said:

"There wasn't an underground train, there. Not in old days!! You were in the country!!"

"Don't tell us anymore Grandad, with that girl here."

I sat at the table, looking through a pack of cards, while he ate, a tiny meal, of things small enough to get down his gullet. Problem with swallowing.

"Snell! Snell!" He said.

"Quick." said the girl. It was weep, but she was so composed, I said: "Be careful Grandad...I don't know what is sin. Don't tell her War..."

"Kleine, Kliene."

Me: "DIE!!! DIE!

"Kleine, Kleine."

"It means, die!!"

Composed girl:

"Little."

"Raus! Raus!"

No one was listening. I exclaimed;

"yeah, I know, that, Rise, Rise! Like that fucking song!! That Rammstein shit..those poofs, that you would think are Nazi, but are okay ..yeah, I like Rammstein..."

Rest of the day without occurence.

turks

2011-07-11T07:10:00.000-07:00

what is it about this Turkish girl, with the classical Royal Ottoman face? , and what the Hell is going on with all the Love Lines around us?

She probably stares at me, because "I have an interesting face...yes, I'm Greek Cypriot...I say that because it's souls. " she probably stares because I'm nerd, no need to describe things, but as the jewish boy said, "French women are (generally) haiier..."

The Turks created a genocide.

"When I was at school, they were always calling me German..."

"I like your husband, is he pretty?"

"What if me, and my boyfriend adopted a chinese boy and made him wear pink? And turned him into a poof"

SCREAM!!!!

Then a few months later:

"Why did I see you have me?"

I lay down to rest, and I see her hair flowing around me, a brief very clear vision of her hair swaying and her head turning.

"What about horse willies..." it drives me screaming nuts.........always bad talk around me.

"Is this sick, you're in my bed?"

"Men would always look at me, because I had big boobies..."

"What if I'm a lesbian??" she disgusts me with a few months after meeting.

The teacher is flirting with the jewish boy, because I dare. "I dare you to flirt." this was supposed to be:

"Becud she vants your Love."

I've avoided that Love, since the marriage in the metro station in Paris...I just go nuts, and stare away from her, I go nuts because I hate all my work, and she picks the crap. "I reckon, I reckon...for a very long time, she sounded like she was weeping when she spoke. Because even though I'm on the other side of the room, she is mind-reading me for an opinion. And I reply in an angry manner, it was going that, I either stayed silent or I got too angry. And then I would lauugh.

"Yes, it's long and it goes all over..."

"I'm dead, dead. Why did you do that?"

Why did I see her again, in bed, wearing slightly see-through traditional turkish pyjama trousers. Hareem trousers.
---
then she stares at me, whilst I'm consuming her home-made meat-balls.

We are walking down Brick Lane, I'm hopping beside her. She is talking about something I expect, burning gay-men, I found myself agreeing, and very elated that she agrees with me. I stay silent.

"Do you like Gay men, Lars?"

"No, I 'ate them..." ("NO, I ate em, I eat em, I burn them.")

I'm abit high, being out and about, and I'm sure her Dad is Sultan. So I begin my silent chat.

("Its wonder! Blood of Sultan meets blood of an Anglo Saxon King!!")

We walk into the Beigel shop to pick up food for everyone...it's a shock, it's a filthy walled, place, a little cafe, grime all over the counter, run by a fat english man, and a short cockney blonde woman with thick arms..."Yes, I did find Noam Chomsky in your bedroom,

I cant remember why I was there...."

The fat woman starts laughing and pumping out her arms merrily, it reminds me of Mum drunk, with similar thick arms, kinda punching the air...so, I throw a joke;

"Agh hahha, found Noam Chomsky in your room we did!!" I get a tea, it's a special tea, 50p, with lots of sugar.

When we walk out, I spin round to look at her, I turn soul, I wave my arms in circles and do a little bow to the blood of Sultan, dressed in Islamic black, a black box hat on my head.

"Do you think it's Providence?" I ask her?

She looks up at me briefly. ("You're keen....and you're pretty....") HASHEM! Found it!

"Maybe, I'm King Cnut blood, King C*(&*(! Grandad alright Grandad!! King Alfred!! King of England!!!" A week later I find out Grandad is very ill, gone blind, unable to swallow, with pains in his face, yet the entertainment for Grandad continues...He says: "Good Girl.."

----

Shonie

2011-07-05T14:38:00.001-07:00

(Katie B-Broken Record)

Shonie exclaimed:

"You've met a Shit??? Are you bazza's?

Atashe sank everything.

"What??? WhattTTTTTTT?? WHAT is that THING!!!???? exclaimed Hannah, beginning to violently shake, as she pointed....

"It's me! Lars! I slept on the floor!!!"

"Lars!! I remember, you kept crying sin!! You said I was the wife of shit...You said, she's a baby, rest...." (I said, on the single one blanket bed in the hospital, "Oh shit....I have a wife!"...it translated; this wife is shit...)

"I said : " OH Shit!! You're beautiful!! ""

(Ya, shit...O, shit...an aswad red...a red light...Arabic book for beginnners three,; 'Oh (Ya) My Fatima, of Al Quds, Palestine.'))

---
Dad said:

"Hallo there, Lars!"

---

She couldn't look at Atashe, as she slid through the door, heavy head of hair, whiter than white. SWELL. It's tiring, being awake after today, and I'm terrified of bed, only because bed has become an event. I was terrified in the car, happy at the bus-stop, happy because Sultan and Mummy and I, greeted the german exchange kid at my sisters school, with "Ach vat, mein digger?" Then the teacher starts shaking in her chair, and 'i think she has heard a baddie.' I sent Sultan a white toy car, made from a car that passed the bus, just like a remote control car that he can control with his fingers, then I see my toddler levitate. Worries, and worry. Can they hear the baddies?? So, the event, has become swell, except that I'm terrified, today has been light, apart form two spriks of paranoia, once in the bowling alley, I ignore my other sister in her tight pants and her new all-over tan, which, well, actually looks like a real sun-kissed glow, not, orange, because each time she throws the ball, she does some kind of shaking butt thing with legs wide apart, and I think slightly of our childhood, with her mousy brown very curly curly hair...(and now I can hear demonic laughter)...and something about when she fell off a pony in the mountains in Wales, my pony was white, and she landed on her head, and I cried, and expertly turned the 'horses' head, and 'cantered' a little...that was 2 second recall...I have 50 second terrors and thoughts and talk, that seem longer, much days wasted, pasty and fatter in front of screens and fears...and once at Grandad's...ol' King of Bavaria, the paranoia's at Grandads...so I talk and talk to the little sister, try some polite german , questions, talk about my collection of german music, and about a gallery show, and where I got a list of german music at another gallery show, and dad's eyes going black twice, because I remember before I hit ten yrs old, in weeks it seemed like his hair had suddenly become tight brown curls...something about he works forever on money, and I wanted a pound coin for a guitar hero arcade game...and how he jumps me in the room, while I'm trying to put foundation and eye-liner on, without actually having had a shower or teeth wash, my hair not even reaching the bottom of my skull, but suddenly curlier, than it could ever have been, being dead straight, as a toddler, playing with toy cars, dead straight, lemon blonde hair, and what looks like giant black eyebrows on a baby, that picture always reminds me of when I swept wall-paper across the floor, of an Iranian Jews house, and the ducks walked by staring at the floor, and I'm sure I'm someone special at that moment, and Prokofiev, R and J, is on the radio, and she looks Chinese like in that photo. So, I spend an hour, or more, telling baby all about school, and leave the day brighter, because I didn't see her when she was a kid...

Shonie is tire me...The thing is; When Dad walked in behind the open, door, which gets stuck on the carpet, I jumped physically, but looked and saw no fear, like when an electrician in the house made me jump at the bottom of the stairs and actually scream, because, his, face was fat and round and covered in dark red and yellow...when I looked at Dad , he shone gold, and I said; "Nay a demon, but an elohim..." then I had to go through, Why is he Elohim?" I tell people I tell strangers, through the doors.

Ing

2011-07-05T09:34:00.001-07:00

long dark kisses.

I saw a lover in hell. The Kallah was Sin. Brutal bed. Is it true?

Kabbalah.

It's getting Fire inside my head.

You took Abel...

The Arrival:

Atashe the Rat, and I appeared in 'Greg'...we go to meet a house on the sea, the house has wooden flooring up to railings looking over a wide dark blue water. I was in that house years ago, with dad, and the girl... I had only the clothes i slept in, and I slept on the girl's floor. This is another alien world. I dont knwo why Atashe had to come with me, because a small guy, with a yisthy yakkety squeaky voice and a furry body, and little peep pee nose, is going to get noticed. The 'flobbers' would come after us. The girl had grown up tall with a mass of shiny thick black hair. She was living around Shonie's house. We stayed with Dad.

I appeared with curled frizzy, not quite shoulder length black hair, and a boy's body.

"She said she's lesbian, and I'm a boy!! This is bitch!!!"

I chose to go there last night, I'm glad I remembered...I was going to wake up on the same space of floor. I needed that, so much.

Atashe got there because he 'wanted to be in soul'...

We planned to create sound and tele-visuals across the planet.

I see myself on my belly on a small bed, my glasses have huge eyeframes,, covered in pink plastic, and wiry frames. I'm stuck with the rat, because Hannah is back with Shonie.

The poor rat gets stuck!! He says he gets stuck with Dad, when I go to meet Hannah....!!

"It was matz...Shonie would plea: "

"what did she say?"

" I just wanted to die, it was sooooooo spack..."

"Like?"

"Like, the flobbers were after me, and you'd say Grat..."Don't fucking fry me, there ain't a rat, and you're MID!!"

When she was out partying, we had to hide. We wrote 'Weather-Well." We broke through country, crying they were satan, and we got happy 'Efluewers.' We sat in the bedroom, eating bits of metal, and built a Company called 'Rose.' I like chewing metal like he does, here I chew aluminium foil scraps, for stress.

Flobbers fried. Of course I went War-Head, there was a murder in Gratz. They said, "Man down! Man down! Two kids, one a monster!"

Hannah was soul;

"It won't 'hippy' you. You have to go..."

We wanted to go. But the door was locked in Eshela, until Atashe fell ill. "They are starting to soul, and it's making me squeaky, Lars, I want dead...."

Some kicks were Christ, Like when she kissed. I was cool forever. But dad said:

"Lars, they're beginning to Lice. You must leave." Atashe and I felt Hell. We got food,a dn we got 'grumptious'...only Shonie was cooler than me. And she wanted. So, I got a bit fell;

"You know I; 'Girls."

I sank, "This was God telling me I'm a thing." Atashe Souled, He said:

"You know they Sheol, and I want bright, let's leave the Red." We couldn't get through the Doors. We chewed and we sang. It was a hotel. DAd was glad we were there. He sang many songs. The Company Rose, was a bright light, we kept singing they were bright. I wrote many stories. I tried to get through the hotel. They accepted two stories. One was the Fortune of Love. The second was a Bright Abel. About how the world went Funk. Fortune of Love, was the first story in which I died; "They will find out I love Hannah...."

Shonie was plates.

"It a THING that he's published a book!!"

The room was full of metal. I slumped off the bed, and said 'I'm tired'.

I went outside to sleep by the sea.

The Raeffitti

2011-06-29T05:54:00.001-07:00

The Raeffitti are wise enough to weep on buses. The boys wear black beard and suits, the women, long black hair and long black skirts.

Becoming Sire is mine

Birches You have a Heaven Light, Why will I cry?

---

I know now.

---

I will Burn Fire.

I Hate This

2011-06-25T07:54:00.000-07:00

I really hate stopping and asking why the Raeffi died.

I hate the name,

because I was drunk, in that little garden, trying to flick the goldfish around the pond when I sang that name, and because Polly was on TV, in a film where she played Mary Magdalene, that night, it was surprising that they had even allowed the television to be switched on. I stayed in the garden past bed-time, I had just the chapter about a vision of a snake and Jesus, a snake crawling over my arms because I was sat on my belly, writing, snakes walk on their belly, and anyway that 'jesus-man' who came to talk to me, was 'too evil, what is happening.' He was a serpent. Things like that can cause a spiritual death. I fought him a lot after that. Not just because of that, but I'd been left in the red. Bad red. Impossible calls, weeping women. No one there.

So, I stop on the name and think oh not again.

---

History of Raeffetta and Amorelia:

I was talking to his friend, there was another man there, perhaps in a cloak and hood too. There were bright light blue lights in his eyes: God. Bright red lights, some frenchman that jumped in the back of the boot of our bus, and followed us tot eh sea-side, red eyes; equals: Devil. It was unfair, why let a Satanist jump in the back of my car? There is a book itself concerning this french man, I figured he was the one involved in all this Holy Blood?Grail 70's important. It was the Satan man who cried he was the blood of God.

His eyes turned bright red in the tavern. Anger. Whoever got those eyes would die.

Someone had put a bag of coins on the table. Buying a prostitute. The man in the hood with the red eyes, told a parable about the use or misuse of money. That was the clearest part in my memory.
These stories I remember so clearly, but I can't explain.

His friend was Judas. You saw this, and you knew Death.

You scaled, "If you are, You are."

You told him Heaven.

I knew this was the best friend.

hhhmmm...this will look hate. That's why I don't know why.

SPEAK!!!!!!!!!!!!

UHUHUHUH I didn't Kill Him by knowing this, I was the silly witch that kept speaking in his mind, while it looked like he was hiding out in the city. I had completely lost my mind. But I kept to him. I was cruel to tell the one I couldnt work out would kill, maybe I had my own story. Maybe it was odd divine. I just wanted to the tell the one he was with. It was fun. I even went past myself to the voice. the voice said:

Redeem me. I want to Love.

It couldn't have been evil.

---

Now both of us, we're soul. We find Love. We have hatred. He tried to redeem the Satan. I gave up on Him. It was simple, this was the War, help me now. I get Shekinah. I've brought Torah. I've married Shekinah. I've brought Christ. Shekinah says it's wise. ' It's not Sell, it's Face. ' "You did it before I was wed. You are right! I came alive in red !!!"

She is King.

The Reason For Death.

2011-06-25T07:33:00.000-07:00

The place broke, Raeffetta, Amorelia...they disgusted Kings by singing red. My extra definition of red, is that way of making a sickening joke, that way of blatantly being sick, it's a teenage and often male disease, a little differ to jewish red, the Emelbert red. The damn Hell-Fire Holy, red, that sparks from your eyes and blazes through all the doors, destroys the demons... lots of different reds, a crimson red, a dull red, the Holy bright red, even the strawberry red, that soul colour of cool thoughts, that works through all the Reds, and cools the Fire. The burgundy is a little red, women love women. The brown red of the Earth, the Colour of the Earth, poor little Louis buried in the earth. The red in the deep purple. The red against black. The red shoes. Red letters. Red hearts, blood. Single Mothers. single mothers, oh well.

The Raeffi were 'took'.

Taken by evil, possessed by demons??

I don't think even communists could survive the new Red. The new Red is especially British. The young girls are red now. I think they caught it from men. I don't see where they think. It is classlessness defined as wit? Anyway this disease has been encountered throughout my travels. The best is, that, I'm a Dag. I try to red and they sigh and turn away. Or I go over red, and that's it. I'm being 'out-of-order', because usually I'm polite, and for me to say red, is to be going over the bar. If I'm 'out.of.order', to them I really mean it. That means I hate you. It's upsetting.

"You silly bitch! You said she was a Dog."

So, they know I mean it, I really don't. I can't class red, and that was the disease that infected me that day, because someone kept asking me 'what do you think of her' all day; the disease that day was: 'to repeat; what you know is 'out.of.order.'

F*** it. Back to the History of Planet Jesus:

People are psychotic, they go to War.

The Raeffi's were a 'People'. They were 'Charlatan' (oh my.) I was brought up to say 'Gosh' by dead people, the dead people I know do not swear...that was red...

that was a scaffing, heartless sentence, emotion is paramount to dead, so ignore me.

Who thought they 'was' the 'Best!' ?

Amorelia didn't need oil wells. They needed soul-less Hate. Everything was cosy, until a whole country got 'took'.

Who started the Took?

"If King Aus was King, we were spittle." That was the jist of the interview, it was the Opinion of A People.

I am really angry.

I have a startled blank dull feeling and a painful neck from reading hours of red. I am really angry, that they are wasting my time, they have friends!! they make this known. I am not mentioned. Then I read long tracts of 'why you people are special to me.' And I turn red. I get blocked into this tract, and think, now I don't want friends. Is this Autistic or Aspergers? I am full of blank questions, and that turns my friends red, I mean the ones that actually bother to meet me at weekends, and then when I do elaborate in conversation, I repeat the facts, and then afterwards I realise, description or emotions are needed. Or perhaps a red joke. Dammit! I'm glad, to be 'out of your life.' I have nothing and nobody expect dead friends, dead children, dead heroes for friends.

I get embarrassed. I don't want any more dead heroes becoming friends, anyway I ran out of heroes. Note: find obscure heroes, notably mexicans.

I hate Modern Art. It's too read. I have a list of Nazism in Art;

1. Very high profile Art Magazine you find everywhere; A black and white photograph; A naked woman in a bath, not much water, washing her long hairless legs, with large boots level to teh middle of the bath, big leather boots with lots of straps and metal connections, on teh side of the bath in the corner, a framed photograph of Hitler.

2. A book on show in the Whitechapel Gallery window. A blonde kid, with a milk moustache and a side parting like Hitler.

Anyway there were more, but you've seen those ones, a jewish woman in fancy dress, as Hitler.

3. Another art magazine. A story of a german photographer, meets Hitler, and he tells her of the 'Creation of a New Religion.' I realise he is referring to the Religion of Lars Shalom, but he has stolen it. And made it redder.

4. That saucy story of Tamara Lempicka and a horrible Italian pervert, in a kids' book, an old copy I suddenly decide to read after having been given the book for 12 yrs, because I hate all her Nazi paintings of Nazi's and

oh, she's Jewish. So.

---

Amorelian History, Planet Jesus

2011-06-24T07:53:00.001-07:00

For New Readers:

this is a brief history of a planet our Universe called Planet Jesus. This is not fictional, it is a real live place, beginning life, when Lars met Jesus in a rehabilitation house, he time-travelled, he saw parts of Jesus' life, he talked to him in the walls, he was there when Jesus died, Jesus died near evening, in the summer, in a small conservatory in England...Lars went into the garden and sang. It was dark outside by the little pond. Lars turned gold, his hair sweeping the floor, he stared up at the sky, and saw the blink of a star, God awoke, and blinked his eyes, he gave the star Life;

Planet Jesus has people just like humans. And a few Tribes, here is the brief history of Amorelia:

----

the Choosh, is a reptilian dog, shaped like a whippet, lethal.

Av 1: (After Vater)

Jesus Arrives, his name is Lars Shalom. He looks odd like Fire. His name is Sacred. He blue-lights Lover. He brought Delv Fire! When he spoke, we were Choir! He turned at the door, and flow...he rived Alber, he congratulated Heaven, he began singing: "I am here, I am Jesus."

Now. We are Over. It is Year 928 a.v.

95th Avah.

928 A.V: The Raeffitti Tribe die. Everything skilled. The reason is Hatred; "If Mother is Hell, Die!!"

Kings:

-King Ows/Aus

-Queen Avah, marries Princess Louise of Raeffetta.

-King Louise, Father is, Queen Avah.

Prince Skalls. blood of Queen Avah, Princess Louisa.
---
-King Ama. His Children: Prince Skales. Prince Aber, Princess Redeem, Prince Ama.

The next 5 Kings.

Princess Louisa marries Sergeant Amethra. Two children.

-King Arthur. Children: Two Princesses.

-Queen Atel.

Marries Prince Jesus of Amalia Atine.

-King Eselvar.

-Queen Louise.

-----to----

-King Ouisa, and Queen Lafti (the UFO appearances over America)

---

Flora and Fauna:

The Gripe: a miracle wonder! five stars on it's back, made of black fur, and tall back. Stars, white fur.

Flora: Tall like weeds, beautiful, the Star; shines, it has grievous petal and black scars, it is white with laden of blue skies.

The Sellar: An evil 'prick'. It roars, it has House, it eats people. It's black like hatred, it squeaks. Black and Tall.

The Esvar: A special cow. It has hooves, we eat it alot. It is yellow, and a little nerves. A dark red hair.

The Speaker: A twit, black and red. It is a call-bird. It has turned beak and white fires. head: black with stars.

Meesa: Another bird, yellow, (looks like a chicken, with frightened messy sharp looking feathers on each wing, bent over long neck. a black beak, quite thin and long, big eyes reptilian eyes, black and rimmed white. Yes I can see it...)

----

Amorelia is spartan. It is the Voice of Soul. It is Lord Amalia. Amalia is the first House, Amorelia is second, they are close by two Avence (province)...Amorelia wars like Heaven. It is to the South of two worlds. It is just north...north to the north pole? by a range of seven hundred turks, approx: ,similar in location to Earth's a place called the Mediterranean. We have two seas. We share Amalia with the princes.

---

to be continued,... special events of Planet Jesus...

2011-06-03T02:47:00.001-07:00

War

2011-05-28T10:03:00.001-07:00

The aliens came back!

Small white UFO's twirling round and round in the sky...it was the Planet Jesus 'guys'...

Previously there had been a mission to land on Planet Earth, and construct a way of bringing World Peace. It was honestly a God Mission.

Of course, on the first landing I knew off, some time ago near Christmas, they called me personally from the skies...3 scout ships shot down over America, and a huge Convoy ship about to make a landing. Why they choose America, I don't know. The King and Queen of Amorelia were on the mother-ship. America went to war. As seen previously on here, there was no peace-talk, and America did not relent, they killed many of the aliens.

I threw God my hand.

White House, a fat-man in uniform:

"Obama, you little faggot!!, 107 of my men have just been found dead!!!!!"

The guy on the ship taking the calls, laughed, and threw his hands over his head...

"Lars!! We're here this time to be real!! The last voyage was many years ago...It was a 'pariah state', we reckoned 95% were fail. We can't turn back.

NOW IS NOW!!!"

Well, not to discard linguistics. I'm a little sure 95 % means well (???)

Sometimes, it's hard to write down, what you dont actually know, hear or see. It's all from God. Sometimes I think runnign away with my own little thoughts might be a little more sensible, perhaps I can piece some nice poetics, all by myself. Lately, forming english sentences has been a struggle.

Anyway, it's exciting stuff, and I don't just mean the grammar.

---

What was happening on the UFO over Earth.

Men huffed, and burned.

It was spontaneous. (keep with me here, this is Amorelian language translated by God, into a jarred form of English. Which we call, 'Anglo'...)

"The Anglos are failing, death, death, death...."

"There is much to go..." said a quietly, surely spoken, man in charge (the King (?)):

"I will present to them, Him. Let me be Him. Hashem, I go..."

Then he turned from the radio controller, in the main room, The King: dressed with a long necklace of dark purple stones, and a bright blue suit robe, (not unlike that colour on the Israeli flag, which I soon imgined to a lighter sky blue, not the blue that represents a silly, joking mind. The suit cut straight, but a little like a hippy's clothing...a kaftan??)

He turned away, hands clasped behind his back, and stared for a moment at the floor. He wanted to speak to America.

---

I imagine he used a hologram message...

What he did was; "Turn full Ship."

That mean't he was gonna fucking land.

At that moment I was singing. I was dancing in the hallway at the front door, of a house, practising some high-kicks.

---

"Brutal!" He began, and Loud..."I am King '----' (wow wow a strange form of my own name, named after me!!) he continued:

" Heavy...."

"You must have Faith. My Faith is Love." (drdrdr)

he whispered; "Be bunions is thud...."

----

"My Queen shall settle the matter...."

"Hallo. I am God, (NOBLE PROUD QUEEN! an old-time queen!!!) Lars thoughts) ...Become Heaven...."

The Americans burned.

It was Shaytan, they kept singing:

"Keep Hell!! Keep HELLL!! KEEP HELL!!!"

---

She died, and sang.

I was singing, at that moment I was eating dinner, at at table with mad men and women. It was the first clean dinner I had eaten with other men.I eman, I felt ! clean...

---

When they sang Peace, I giggled: "You are a manky man eating dinner near me!! I am KING!"

The convoy settled.

The King said:

"We go..."

An Apple a Day

2011-05-21T12:48:00.001-07:00

Watching Doctor Who

Deep affinations with the current doctor, notably the way mad-men, move. I have a cranky head, and a long neck, it droops, I'm sure if i stood straight i would be 3 inches taller. Mad-men sniff plates, with food without food, moan by twirling their heads in circular motions, then get a little singing, and move with hands out. They nod, and twirk their heads to the right, unable to hold their heads on their neck. They move delibaretly strange.

Dreams:

I meet women, lots of them are famous women, singers, actresses...mostly, well entirely.

Then there are the djinns.

Gosh, 5 minutes before I have my arm round you, on the sofa, watching your show, wondering idf you ever got another job. Sometimes, wondering if you are another dream and you've marired a guy. 5 minutes later, I've changed sofa, and I'm with my sister, adn there you are 10 years later, on a new TV show. I can barely say a word, not well-done, not sarcasm, another deeply dividing, question, that I'm entirely mistaken. Then hum.

Because it happened before, and I don't want to get embarrassing.

It is a death.

So, some-one lied so much, because they wanted to give me Hope so much.

I left.

Isn't that best.

Today's Doctor show was, lacking...because I had no idea of how to look through, was the plot decided from the very first show in the 60's?? Are there layers and layers inside the episodes that I'm too stupid to understand?? I didn't really enjoy watching it before...my best friend at school, did, and one day we went to a convention. I was in stink. Even the clothes I had to wear were stink. What the Hell was today's show about? Is it Jewish? ON the show, I heard; "We are Jewish, we are Higher Power..." "So, what could I use that Power for?"

I'm in the middle of TV, trying to call GOD. I think I've heard HIM/HERSELF three times in all... I heard many in Heaven, lots of times. ONe dya, they caught me forsaking, I didnt do anything physically, I just cracked, I was atonished at their idea of forsake. I was atonished they didnt even know they had left me for dead...Someone I know can read minds. I tried her out. I mean: I kept asking her what she could read...

"You are OKay, but saggy..."

"Thank you so much..."

There was a tool-box on the chair beside me, outside the coffee shop...

---

"Stay in your Soul."

One Day I married God, SHE said that, God also said, the marriage isn't bed.

Like Nur! Like Allah! Allah doesnt beget or is begotten. He doesnt have things like bed..Your right! Your right! That's what He said!!

Oh, I'm tired.

"Stay in ME."

Mosque

2011-05-16T06:25:00.001-07:00

she had massive green, bird-leaf eyebROws, that had been snipped at and picked...they thick, thick even when she was a baby...a little squashed face, all these vampire lines around her lips, white face, a squashed nose, snipped at the end...

When we walked the mosque, we talked, I followed the little woman in leather jacket and cow-girl boots through the hall, clicking my fingers, thumping my thin arms, like easy waves, 1,2,3 skipping a little, a man gasps and clasps his chest crying his love, and he falls back against the door...looking at white face, with little white hair...we walked through a door, and entered the girls side, a dinner-night, full of large tables, seats squashed together...the first time a girl sees Jannah and she wails, turns round in shock, and walks away, I laugh, then wail and step towards her...I laugh again, and say:

"Oh dear! the first time she sees someone from Jannah! And I'm dead!!!"

The maiden went back to a youthful age, her thick wavy green hair, and massive black eyebrows framing huge dark green eyes.

True Love is green, Jannah is green...

Later, I have to find the mosque toilet...I feel tall, and walk to the beat of the Quran recitation blasting around the halls...I wave my hands and click my fingers, my soul sings the Surah, exact, I try to listen to my soul and hum some words, I'm walking to the beat, with black long hair, and rich dark purple coat, embroidered with a silent pattern...I turn towards the man's section and enter the door...A man holds it open for me as I walk through, and he bows, my head is high, his clothes turned to a sparkling silver...embroidered hems and edges...
---

Chucked

2011-05-15T04:41:00.001-07:00

I decided everything had gone wrong over the Eurovision contest.

I was sitting in the kitchen, I forget what happened but I started see-ing Mum in front of the TV, being slapped in the face, physically or in her spirit, being attacked. I walked into the toilet, and stood behind the shower door, in boxers and t-shirt, and began to pray.

I rocked, and every now and again, head-butted the shower door, I probably prayed a maximum of 7 minutes, I tried to call into Heaven (where I sleep)...when no-one replied I decided to. take. matters into. my .own hand.

I flew up into the Temple, deep black light (deep sorrow) flew against it's walls. The temple itself was in gold light. My hair turned dark brown (another type of sorrow, a why)...and I stared at nothing, but the walls I could see Mum through. I didn't want to cry.

I decided I had to chuck every man out of the Temple, because by rights they shouldnt be running a Holy Temple. Something is corrupt. I threw them down, and saw balls of light hurtling down to nowhere. By rights, I should enter the Temple, and the slapping would stop. There is a gruesome little charactureof a man in a fuzzy beard wearing a baker boy hat, exactly like my hat, exactly like The Fiddler's hat, exactly like King Gray and the Emelbert aliens, exactly like a war-time red jew, the type of jew I've seen in a film, one that pulls down Nazi posters, paints Communist insignia on walls and shoots Nazi soldiers in the stomach (called Men at Arms, or something, i forget). Just the hat. And we're calling we're Red.

I have to chuck them out, because my job is the Temple.

I discovered that last week, when I stood at the kitchen door at night, smoking and spoken Dhikr, and silent Dhikr. And I get a funny hat. I'm dressed in a suit-like robe of deep black and dark purple, and a long round silly hat on top of my head.

I've seen that hat.

It's the High priest's hat.

"What are you going to start doing?" I say, to myself.

"You are going to tell everyone God made you High Priest, and they are going to kill you and cry you are fool. And you are going to curse and keep talkign and kill them too..."

"You are going to do exactly what you always do. But what about what you wanted to do..."

I spy Mum, and the slapping stops. And so have the tears.

I chucked them out and it stopped. I told their wives, but I was too far going just to start laughing, and cussing them. I said, you better get them back, they aren't in Hell, "...exactly, but hopefully somewhere lower, I wouldn't want to wish them purgatory or Hell, and I'm the new High Prist." but they've gone.

"Because they are men, and thats not right for Temple. Everything is well, now, I think they may have brought something Evil."

"Mum is OK, because I took my intiative, and I bring saved..."

2011-05-03T05:21:00.000-07:00

2011-05-03T05:20:00.001-07:00

Suited

2011-04-28T06:23:00.001-07:00

---

suited

---

weep

---

my eyes light back, i mean i go to weep, and they get larger, not bright, somehow bigger, and cleaner...

---

There's no news...no thoughts at all. No news. Bring the paint-brushes home, finish a picture. Marry, seater. a crown of wiry air, slight sweat, no smell. Lazy in work. Don't care about future, qualifications, just prepare a amount of books, to read in long future, when you will have nothing to do but sleep....somehow you will get back to a secure place, or get ill and old, and en up in a care-home, so amount types of books. And wait. OWen Jones and arabesques calling, abandoned places and skies. Palaces.

The fight has finished, it left us winning without a whisper, we cried the light, and every-one rested....the rest was most in the heathens, but i rested, because living this easy, shouldn't shake up the days. The infidel was just discarded and forgotten, I wanted to fight, I fought everyone, then I called further and further, transgressing through images and figures, to reach a higher point, like a little star-cross, glowing red. It will take two weeks, two weeks to destroy heathen soul. So anyway, they got to sleep, but where they were sleeping was in the fires. Over.

I decided they had gone through a burnt day, and I stayed quiet.

I'm happy, even though there's no fair vengeance.

Just quiet.

The Evil

2011-04-03T08:02:00.001-07:00

"Ok, I'll dig it...play on..."

Right, I have to explain, because it's urgent to soul, no-one seems to understand that, i just get screams:

Ooh, there ain't no other way, baby, I was born this way / Baby, I was born this way

Some UnHoly War;

I hated her songs, I hadn't even seen the videos, but it was hate...

It was a spell, when she became popular, that soul was being destroyed...popular with the kids, something forming, something forming in their light, that turned them a sickly grey, I saw it once, on the train...

So I let it play, I listened out the lyrics.

Then I got dizzy spells again, I got the same, feverish, fainting, I had got the week before, when Satan itself arrived. Supposition.

---

Germany

2011-04-03T07:57:00.001-07:00

pyramid sing- radiohead

a white haired woman in arms.

"Soul, soul, let's kiss like they're dead, "

" wei vant to fight. they're dead...!..."

I was see-ing the highest lights, I was kruerk von abad, I soared into hatred....think, think 'doing'.;

a jewish soul in a german bride, you are white heaven. That woman wanted God, and so did you and so, you were King.

you thought you were time-travel, so you wanted to collect photos, clothing, trinckets...wicked, you went wicked, the photo, of you gasping, open mouth full of blood, in the arms of a weirdly and why, smiling woman, not lovingly holding you, but a little like she was showing her pet-dog, blood flowing down his face, holding him up to smile at the camera also, like smiling and exhibiting you for the camera, as though you were her happy-child, not a thin, choking, blood-covered victim, of a beating, of a beating for a photo collection.

And you wanted revenge, you wanted to make sure she was in hell, and then you saw her shake and gasp, and you wanted her out of hell, you died wickedly.

You said, let her sleep, go where-ever she is meant to go. just forget, but you were in shock, not in shock of the photo, which had to be looked at, intellectually, "that was hurting me, power, power to avenge..." You where in shock, of what was happening to her soul.

You said: "Have you got the photos? Throw everything there away now...."

Because before you wanted that collection, you thought of it alot, more than that, you wouldnt think of anything else, like Hero,like a spell of heights...

just that weird uniform.

History

2011-03-20T05:32:00.001-07:00

the days, i forget...alot has happened, the sunny afternoon, the birds started talking to me, as i smoked on the patio...Ahmara's mummy, glad to see we're married?

"We're married? I am a girl! We are married, already!?"

It was just put, it was just her, flying to my part of the house, she was no more than ignored...I wanted to teach English. So, anyway, Nan told the typical, when she was a baby, and then how Afghanistan fell, she said it fell in soul, wehat she actually said; it was when jew's cried them to soul, so that; "And we all, fell...."

So, i spent the day, reading a hard book, a hard book about Afghanistan, a very horrible story...it wasn't the book that made me appear, someone made me think it was time to give a little more soul, to the guys crying, strange english; "It contains nuts." in an east london accent.

She didnt get as much chance to wash as me.

Was wasnt I hearing?

I began this strange, 'you touch me, i catch a disease.' So, desevrdly when I jumped oput of my bed to meet dad downstairs, and put a few things in my holdall bag, with a large rip at the bottom, 15 yrs old that bag. I felt ill. The staff-woman, who had really begun to piss me off, because she never stopped talkign and had lately taken to arguing with me, forced warm tap water on me, i sipped it a little...Cried she was a bitch in the car,a s my whole body, felt faint, weak, and very hot, with bits of puke promising to show up. So, what i've been delibrating that I wont die, well, holy. I will screaming bitch like in the car. Cancerous lungs. Cigarettes. Tune yourself, to paintings, drawing, reading....I started a few pages of sketches, in pencil and paint, quite a nice style as well, drawing in the dark under lamp-light, just shading, where the shadows fell on my face, adn leaving out detaisl, but the dark parts showed, chins, noses etc, then i painted some more, attempting to re-create the pencil drawings, and then hung on that book.

I didn't blame her for the disease, just said it too many times. I listened to her mum weeping, had to show I was listening by laughing.

"I caught two sentences, ok, ok.... I'm surprised you are glad about this, quick...

The book, with the terrible stories on it, taught me about moslem marriages. The bride and groom sit together and hold mirrors, they are meant to look into each others mirrors, before that, in the engagement party they eat sweets...or was that Eid? Taught me some Afghan words.

The disease left.

Something else happened, at night-time, as i jumped back into bed with the book. I began with this, "I ahve light from Satan to make an alternative heaven, becasue I was too white, but still Satan...." Because for some reason, she had started crying out she had fall, and that was the night, I attempted to defeat the Taliban, by cutting a hole through each heart, but Allah, put the knife through hers, but why wasn't she in Heaven?? That is the thing that would make you very ill, if you thought you had cursed someone into falling out of Heaven, because of your own doings...very sick, in the mind.

Then in bed, I heard Shaytan, I heard it call out from under the floor, and i just sighed, I've heard it so many times. So, I said, "I am in Love. I want..." I wrote this to a class of arabic girls: I flew what was happening, because I was actually screaming for help ...and when I threw it completely into my soul, it screamed, I had given 'God-bed', and I worried, "When did I give Allah, bed? Did I go to Heaven?"

One of the girls, said in an Asian -East London accent...(which is a special accent, it's cool and sexy..she's the one who gives me laughs, because she pretends she is very stupid, to make up for my stupidity, and says things ; like; "What if you were dead, and you didn't even know?".)

"Shaytan said, she gave Allah, bed, and Allah said; "My Wife is King!!"...I thought I would DIE, if she was bonk...I screamed and thought, you are going to die!! Then God said, I love Jews."

The teacher wept; "Your wife is King!" a small voice, and a pretty voice.

"Man, It died, sick."

It died sick, because I threw its voice through my body, and it cried out I was Him. And then, it sort of collapsed into itself, and made a large noise like flatulence, and it burst and died. Everyone giggled. They were amazed that I called, and that, ..."...if you love Him you're lighter than Hate..."

I wasn't sure about writing this.

ok.
.

Afghanistan

2011-03-20T04:08:00.001-07:00

You ate, fruit bread, four slices after another with chocolate spread, a whole pack of jammy dodgers, at once, dipped in bad tea, cheap bags and not enough milk, follwed with a half eaten pack of prawn cocktail crisps. You hoped she wouldnt see, when you wandered down for a mint and chocolate mousse, and back for cuddles, rolling around telling her to leave , because I am back trying to hide under the duvet with a chocolate easter egg.

You have to write something wise, because the last post, you forgot soul. In the last post, so this is about Afghanistan:

The photo of her was taken 25 years back, that means as she hit teens, i was still a baby, at that time she lived in a refugee camp.

The first time, you held her you carried mountains. My body felt like it was spinning, Nothing like that before, pyhsical force of flying round and round...I was holding mountains, they made a face like a king, a long, straight white nose, a black-straight haired beard, and hanging moustache.

you shouldnt listen to music, and you shouldnt eat.

I was holding mountains, i was lying under a mass of rock, holding it up with only my shoulders.

"It is 1432, in 1264, the heathen year, Nanny said, the heathen year, it was, a girl landed in Spain, an arabic girl, and met a hebrew boy, adn tehy flew away to the north, and they arrived in the Emerald Isle, which means it is green, like you...and so, that is nearly a thousand years ago, 1264, which is what year is that? some 800 years back, i work it out, i am in 2011...and mummys name is Danu, and there was a king, who married into greek, because the Aryan tribe travelled further and further north, you dont know arabs were in Ireland. And i see another nanny in my eyes, with long curly hair, run out of a building on fire, with a baby in her arms, becasue of the vikings, like germans, Vikings are big and blonde. And i saw this in Robin Hood, because I thought, I want to see Fael, which might be my dad's Irish name, we have all different names, so many names, and so I call grandad Fael, and he was a King of ancient Ireland, and watched this film, in the castle, a castle is like a palace, but it is fortified, and European building...wolf-hounds, i own those...so, i wanted to see what my ancestors look like, ..."

Black, Sell for eating food before someone like that...

Speaking Afghan or Farsi or whatever came quickly...she still wanted to learn English, but i didnt know where to start with showing her.

I covered her with my duvet, to keep her warm, but i dont think she wanted a duvet, and so I tried to pray at the same time, anything bad would just turn away and walk away, there should be lots of love.

The night before, I took a knife. If the knife went through her, thats can only be God. Imagine; I was trying to destroy a whole army, at once...

Kitchen

2011-03-12T13:01:00.001-08:00

We drove across half the country in the darkness. I was in agnosing pain. I was already dead, when she screeched I was too much to order, "When are we going?" I sat on the stairs, and nearly cried, i was crying quietly: "I don't think I want to go now, I've changed y mind...". Djamphirs and Svetochas, Pashtuns and Hazaras (chinese looking Arabs, wives taken, villages burned), in Afghanistan:

"It is half-price!" said the refugee.

She had followed Mum to the shops.

We exchanged cigarettes. Lots of cigarettes.

We reached the city.

She had followed the mum, because her friend had these amazing bright green eyes, glowing from under her dark red, robes and scarf, on the cover of New International. That was some years ago now, I found the magazine in her kitchen.

We always exchanged cigarettes, because I hung on her cigarettes.

What the girls are doing now I don't know. They had even sat together calling out,

"It contaaaaaaiiiiiiis nuttttts!"

In my lower country accent.

Barbra Striesand

Gomez. She is the Gomez now, because she stared in a dream that created a Fear and Loathing dream. Hips on adrenal beds, and large black moustache, and Yoko frizz hair.

And a banal, steeeeeeelll way of mentioning my mental health.

I walked from the patio to the kitchen through the hall, to the coded and locked thick door to the office. I spun against the walls carrying a divine book, I was taller, I wore black suit, I wore a black fedora, I was still a girl, and I had long ringlets hanging over my ears, around me crowds of similar looking women danced, alot of Yoko frizz, mostly blacks, in long silver dresses and robes, up the stairs in crowds on the walls, spinning and singing.

We didnt go out, all sunday, I was mildly pissed, I had a lot of spots dug into little caverns on my cheeks, the spit from my bed covers I forget to wash, lots of times I wasnt even brushing my teeth, but my lips were especially bigger and redder, perhaps they were after taking a round of Gingko Bilboa for a whole week. I spent the weekends, in minds, different kinds of minds. When it was sure we werent even going to leave the house to watch the city on Sunday...I cooled. I got cooler and cooler and I cuddled the cats, and I actually thought, In between the sudden joy, I stuck on some films.

I watched the Bogart film together, half sleeping on the little sofa, and then, when alone, I stuck on Clerks...

It was hideously stupid.

It had always been my favourite film, I would say.

The jokes were disgusting and disgusting, but then I remembered the first time was when I had seen it was in a haze of cannabis smoke, and so it was my favourite film. I killed her there, because she was on the computer, adn I said: I attempted sick, because I was still sick, but spring was glancing the air, and I could still kiss...and I was getting bluer, I was turning light sky blue!!!!!!!! When I think, I can time my laughter to the conversation around me or to the radio, because then they dont ask me why I am laughing.

"Cannaboids..."

"Boids," she said, with a little kiss, leaning against a fence in the dark, perhaps a huge tent overhead. I'm not sure what she was doing exactly then, probably looking at a nice boy...

Organic milk, and sweetness.

Until I went out into the garden after watching Revenger's Tragedy (shakespearian talk, a play by ???)...lots of 'gay' brothers all trying to kill each other, some nice silk jackets...

"Friend...just told me, you are finding it hard to concentrate..." IN that fat-white-woman-pyschiatrist up the street-cow, accent, that keeps appearing to 'wise' me, in her speech, every fucking time....Somehow I decided Grandad had done this, long-distacne to kill me, and he was still finding prostitutes....somewhere in purgatory...it had to be someone with a bit of magic, I decided it was Grandad, 95 yrs old, nearly blind, and alone for some of the time in a flat, you have to walk upstairs to get into, where Nanny died...Nanny who was the one who would, get me to help her, make my own bed...

Inner scream..."I'm not even speaking to her, and she's on facebook..."

When it got close to pub-time, I had died in bed upstairs, I was suddenly too tired, and I was prepared to sleep in teh house why they were gone. I got up, and we all walked there.

When we got to the back entrance of the pub which was at the top of the road on the corner, we heard screaming, I spotted a black coat, on the pavement some steps ahead...a beautiful woman in high heels, and very short skirt, was punching the Pub's back-gate with her fists, stepping backwards, screaming loudly, and then slipping into a western accent when I 'observed that she didnt have an accent, use an accent...

Then she began bashing the wooden gate with her skull. That woman who can headbutt, started to stumble towards me, past the open boot of her car, as I quickly and slowly walked over to the other side of the road, to cut her at the pavement and get away...She looked at me for a second and ruffled up her hair, with a dreamy blind smile...When I said, No, she turned and stumbled back towards the wooden gate. We got in the pub. Friend, had attracted very fat men with glasses at the next table.

"Are they pids?? These men are perverts, you can see this, they look normal, but what are they ???"

Then I noticed how gorgeous she was, a true blonde, straight bob, and big funny goggle eyes, and a clean clear white face, she's a vegetarian, even straight for the organic milk, which I was ordered by the fat-woman not to touch...

"What am I then to this family??" My first show of desperation...

We walked home, fuck, I dont know where we walked, because I was Cola, and then friend had bought me a pint, which I drank so quick because I was cold and tired. When we somehow gathered , oh no, because someone had to find that woman in the streets make-up which they were bending over and staring at in the dark, and I heard; sick; a discussion about how they were gonnna say i had gone nuts again, etc, very intelligent evil talk, so I staggerd back tot he road, no-one could pronounced. It was the night before, I forgot the whole day, blood...I made a magical thing, when I passed my hand over my womb,a dn

transported an egg to any belly I wanted so I transported this egg in the street, adn got happy , grabbed a waist...

We stoppped at a stamp=collecters mall. I bought Republic of Iraq, stamps...I walked ahead, and turned, danced backwards clicked my fingers. In sleep I came back put the hand on the belly, and zapped away the egg...

She was still leanign against a pole in the tent, staring and smiling tiny:

"I vant to put."

She bended in bed and cried; "Black bitch~! Black bitch!"

Then She said: "I vant."

Prayers

2011-03-04T07:15:00.001-08:00

write jewish soul

she is like light. she gives me depression, highs, and shaking screaming, bothers, heated necks and buzzing brains. death. then, at those moments, i dont know whats happened. and I dont know what happens when i'm soothed. It's not drugs, that i think are making

me sick.. And then i saw it happen. So, it was saying, "I love thee..." Even if the lover isn't in the room, even very far away.

Someone prayed the damned Hell, into something resembling sweetness, i think there is a rule, somewhere that says dont pray for the damned. But we pray, them short, and we pray them lazy. We have to keep them resembling a bit of light, to save others.

She came back, on the dya the other one came back...

Elton John.

"How many people did you call to God here?" Dangerous,

"How many converted?"

There's some problems in this battle. Like having a sense....of hearing. Something enormously yellow and yellow ochre, flew over the bedroom ceiling.

I adjusted to Spirit, when I feel sick, I wave a hand over my head and say Kosher!

"It works it works! I feel well!"

We complained. Someone let in an evil day-sleeper. I am intent on killing again. I clap my hands. I clap- like thunder, spark my hands,d raw a melting burnign crucifx into my hands, and BAM!!!!!! every evil man is dead.

I just rest. Something fell out of our bed, It was a tiny creamy white bald man with a wrinkly face.

Sorry, but it was Elton John a homosexual. It turned, that she had called him, about God, and about being a Queen for God. He heard her, he cling onto her soul, and I am crying out: Bad Hashem, Bad Hashem to our souls!!

It was funny he said something freaky, but he had planted himself there for a long time... it he said was gross, but it was funny.

Then I can hear evil voices this time, on the radio I carry about the house...It's bad, I have t find God, and tell directly, I cant find anyone about this or we are dead. Clap hands.

Last night, i walked the street in the wind. The wind said: They are going to fight her, you must tell them no...

do it yourself, you do it. I'll do it once. No hope...A sister prayed the 'baddie'...I call out, to him, He says, I'm am shitting out of my ---- (butts) I see that I see yellow ochre...I see yellow ochre from your bottom, enough,......

These homosexuals probably think I am an Israeli man.

huh.

I am going to go through her small album today, 'uh huh her', because the guy in Stories they think is a 'sexy mouse'...well,huh.

I am going to win!

Insane 3

2011-03-02T08:37:00.001-08:00

i saw her. walking around that room is vices, you overcame a terrible hatred.The stars were singing, the family wept like king. like they wanted to know why.why tell them he is homosexual evil? why let him into heaven? where did he light, i came into heaven alone, and everyone suddenly suddenly got a passport, why cant you see what he called? The misery is his. So, so what i saw, a terrible light around his . bum. and then me, i'm trying to walk home through the streets in the dark, at 10 at night, somehow, light is calling someone to try to. especially.

castrate me.

castrate a woman, by cathching her on a fence. and saw that, i saw damnation, and i saw my own light when i crossed the light.

burgundy, and strawberry.

strawberry; cool, liberal god.

burgundy: women who love women.

damn, walking around in damnation...

"HE calls a pid, to his bottom..."

hahha, i'm mad.

anyway, we're trying to right.

lots of girls dont even know what meant satan.

Insane 2

2011-03-02T08:07:00.001-08:00

Serpents, the way i call for writing, mean't, from God, to 'have bed'. So, i joked and jumped about the bed.

I let every one of the words that didn't have time to form in my mind, out in the bed.

I couldnt save. He only said

'have bed.'

Insane

2011-03-02T08:06:00.001-08:00

coffee intake....three instant and two cappucinos four teas one cafe...usually, three to four mochas and cappucinos a day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NP27RbtXT0w

led to me rolling around the room. yoga positions. tai chi, very slow hand movements and balance of feet.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zplWNYIAII

totally, madness, mad talk rolling in bed.

'serpents' odysseus

greek.

forgot my sandals out of the entrance of my room-door out to smoke. greek slippers. greek bed. hands together, elbows wide apart, a floating head left to right.

totally dead nuts, the toilet is locked up with thick tape across it...the inside of the toilet is still covered in a puddle of pissy water, because i opened, then put the tape back over. i didnt do htat last night, instead i crept in that corner, placing hands in patiular places of the walls, with silver lights coming from my eyes. Then i went into the hallway, and collasped in a weird dance by the door, the door covered in a foot of muck and tea stains.

I have never been this aware of going totally insane, and as impossible to prevent, so i just let the talk, i woke up this morning imaging the exact same, I cried out:

Pray me, cool!!!!!

The manager of the house repeated in cynical undertones, 'PRAY me. cool. 'tut''

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RiGyrGgWPc

i got the bus and came in to work. I know have a length of wood painted in turquoise and bits of silver, i'm trying to draw and colour in a tree with no leaves.

I hate the art, now.

I should, in such a angered way, draw lengths of scribbles in black and red, like a polish jew, like toploski, like auerbach. But i'm light. Light needs light. Always light.

I need to know how to right.:

I will try to write last night: I ad to touch mummys foreheadin the cafe, adn tickle a bit of hair, to know she's alright, because, i went evil, over tajweed, i wne tso evil, i refused to sing, and threw somehting bad at mum and heard her crying in the corner, then when the HAfiz realised what was happenign she led the prayer in the next ayat of the surah, i went like a majestic, absolute refusal...evil and deadly refusal to save. Then hair -grabbing silence...then sweet, slow reading individually.

And when I got home, I finally died.

The Artist

2011-02-28T08:25:00.001-08:00

I lost what I was going to say about the Artist.

I didn't thank.

Temple 2

2011-02-28T08:24:00.001-08:00

HAHAC*%*T

there, dire, diabolical, a good wife for a jew. shame on the family.

let me go for a nutriton drink and a smoke,

evil little men that kidnap blondes and put them in the back of the car.

I knew always, I was writing 'volk' lore. I knew it and no-one stopped it. Even the ones who knew, wouldn't have stopped it, they just sighed, while I hopped and rolled up and down the stairs, through the doors, round and round, hopping, stamping, sometimes marching, sometimes dancing, and always talking. The garden to the doors to the garden, just a little room of planks and a built open hut with a bench. I was the light part of the Reich part, deadly words. cynical jokes, desperation for ...acknowledgement.

put. put.

What happened?

"It wasssssss a juck event!"

that thing was christ, that thing was? a serpent. It roars like Ice, it evolves in german...it solemned Love. It burst through FIRES!!!!!!!! FIRES!!!!!!!!!! "Volk this, volk that, always Christ."

The serpent!!!

Just expect to Death!

Just expect a song, somewhere in my bed, some new song, I knew all along....I wasn't surprised but I was getting a little disgusted. Didn't anyone want to save me?

juck, juck.

"Was it gorrrrrrrgeoussSSSSSSSSS??"

You are gross.

---

Angels eyes are silver.

Get sick of colour, get tired of colour.

My wife made Art, abd the Jap girl looked at her walls, and called it:

"A little plate."

It's impossible to read heathen hebrew minds, I had wonder why I was Japanese.

Japan eyes have discovered the colours of the New Temple. It's a stuck type of wonder, it's simple.

I played cards at table, and when the game was finished, I stood up, I put my forehead to the table, said my thanks and walked away. I went out for sushi, in the dark, thinking about japanese minds and japanese girls, and geishas and fathers. There was one girl for me at the washign sink.

Nans arrived, to the Artist, and translated my steps.

Syanara.

I could read only japanese minds and though about japanese culture, and heard the yellow in the supermarket and supposed japanese whys.

Why, why were they killing the Artist dead? It was to me at the card-playing table, like a knife to the heart.

The Temple

2011-02-28T08:03:00.001-08:00

just keep weeping...

lots of fight, lack of...awareness...why do you talk to them stupid, and then let soul cry you are them?

The Temple Mount Visit.

beds. Beds are good for thinking, and see-ing, and looking and staring;

When I went underground and prayered under the wall, I prayed everythign that could possibily be prayed for... running into important parts of my life-time. I said, I was getting Hate and that was a tiny bit lied, because I got that after.

IN bed, I saw what emerged from the rubble and mess of Soloman's Temple, a huge creamy white monster ahd awaken, I stated last night, this was of imperative importance to the Jews, and the rest of the Holy World. Some of them replied, it's just dyke...so:

I wanted to see another voice, Jah, Jehovah, Yahweh, the Great, the Good:

"This is the soul of a man-lord in a woman."

Someone painted a beard on this monster, that seemed to be trapped in my vision, as just waking up from a slumber:

"This woman is Holy Law."

Anyway, I got into a fight, and that was as far as my vision went...

(to be continued)

The Goyim

2011-02-17T06:03:00.001-08:00

Men fighting me, disappeared, a door lit round their bodies, the door was neon blue, Emelbert's door is neon-blue.

So, they became the evil Goyim government. They developed a manner like rat-men. They had a similar look.

They were men that were sure it's Death. They were Hatred, they were a population of Hell.

They destroyed SOUL, and they bombed. The war was like this:

"You are No!"

"We are King!"

Emelbert was a stone-gray place, everywhere was rubble. Most of them ran and moved to the continent Spix. They also remnants of demons, witch-like 'rat-human monsters, cackling and screaming, red, yellow and black...

If i fought, ...I would only lead...i would be aware of Love... would i get a temper?

painting has gone. Love has arrived.

I'm not working hard. I'm dropping that and then this, so it adds up to work...and now I've got a soul...it has Become.

The guys....that means the angels. The angels hear me scream like a Valkyrie, as I run up the stairs.

The last and the only first, to bring swords over Gomorrah, agreed with me and came back. I see an imge of a square circle of men in red and black, bring down each of their red swords together...to kill the English men. The news is; I speak Angel-language. I'm a High Angel and not a Dead.

I'm back to kisses. I remembered how to kiss....

How they appeared.

2011-02-15T07:01:00.001-08:00

I made the dabaliens.

I made the dabaliens (the Vors-Hag), when I was alone, in a dining room...lots of things happened in this dining-room, where the table and the chairs were a drak colour, and there was a print of a painting of a large red-haired women in blue with blue wings, and blue winged cherubs. It was where I made a model airplane, where I had a fit in the corner of the room as many women all dressed in black ran through to pick me up, it was where i met the lawyer, where i wrote a chapter of my book, where i set the lion out, to run through the hallways.

I made them by thinking of a monster. The monster was reptilian, 12 foot tall. It had a mind, but I had decided it had no soul, so the made was carnal colours, and thick-set. It learnt KILL. It's first word was kill, it stared, then more of them appeared. I said:

"You have no soul, but a mind...I don't want you...go..."

I drove a space-ship in the living-room. I sat on the sofa (which we were forbidden to do) and I saw space in front of my eyes....I saw a huge slow-moving ship, and many smaller rounder bright silver and blue fighter planes.

Previously; in the mental-hospital ward, I first heard them. They made an announcement on the TV. They had monster voices, they said they would destroy the man-dead, and tehy were watching the Planet (Earth) from above. Someone had seen them also, and he began to 'thrill' their minds. Kill and thrill. Which thrill.

I ahd fire-power, I sent fireballs and rockets through hte ships, I could see the reptile soldiers.

I was smoking alot.

I got an idea.

Everytime, the whole of Britain, lit up a cigarette, magic would explode the Dabaliens brains...and to know they had died, I would hear them exclaim:

"With that, I'm dead!"

This drove many smokers insnae, because they would hear that, everytime they puffed on smoke.

I got a day at home, in my carpetless flat, with a table one chair, and a mattress on the floor, adn also a radio....I cant remember how, I had already killed Satan...I decided to read through Iliad, by Homer...

I heard a woman in the wall. I talked to it, damn I probably flirted with it, I was probably going to have sex, and I only realised she was the Dabalien Queen, when I read my friends father's name at the front of the book, and it said:

"What mean't that?"

I chopped off it's legs.

They landed on Planet Jesus.

The Adam'a

2011-01-30T09:04:00.001-08:00

the jewish aliens, 1935.

The Adam'a is a jewish sect , on Planet Amer, also found in Jesus...

They wear black matador hats, stripy jumpers, blue, white, grey and black, (a mixture) then I come in with black and neon pink tzallit, back in...only I am allowed to wear bright colours, specifically because i invented that though and they said "Fine, do that....I don't like pink..." everyone wants rules.

Heaven is IN...it's inside...

Levels, smevels....they say there are levels of Heaven. So, I think;, it's : dimensions...

It's safer to hide something inside. So He did that with Heaven, caught in a twinkle in the eye. Going inside yourself, rather than walking through a door, rising a soul from your body in death, so everyone gasps, and trembles while they watch a golden soul, shaped like a brick (Mum says; "It's shaped like a Weetabix..") float upwards into the sky. but, they do more than, tremble and gasp...they fuck you up...I don't trust to have anyone look at my soul, they might shove me an opinion, go nuts and grab at me, and shove me down the cellar. Anyway we're safe, because souls are so maginifencentally light and powerful, they can get home. ..

Going into sleep, regular sleep. What if I forget to pray before sleep? I did never think of that. I just sleep. Because that was, right, "You were right about that, I did never think...but, I won't do it..." Thats called Heathen...but, all day, I'm talking and fighting and thinking, and praying...and telling. Telling, when I sin, because the regular Heathen world, has become more dangerous than I thought...dangerous to be around teenagers, dangerous under the sun, dangers in the TV...it's a mass red arising ...it's got sicker...perhaps I talked about them and had some of them shot down...sometimes I get sooooooooo depressed about old aquaintances that still go out, clubbing and drinking, because I don't do that anymore, I'm so glad not to be doing that, but then I get depressed, then I remember, 20/21, and I was massively depressed to be sitting on a club stool chain-smoking, once a week, staring intently at the dance floor, actually thinking about God, and a big black, that arrived a little later, but turn an intense blue.. I can't remember what, the thoughts were, some comparision about 'moshing' being similar' to 'prostrating in prayer'. Some obsessive want to see a girl...obsessively she had a type of colour, a type of hair-style, a type of meek...I look like I stay at home at weekends...and I'm just hiding from the reds and I'm also married with children...(not, to be confused with 'jewish red'...which is a type of hero of the war-time era')

OK, this is stupid, I'm trying to grab some theory on dimensions, inner worlds, and have just written bad rate jokes, thank you Martians.

Everyone is Possessed by a Martian

2011-01-30T08:43:00.001-08:00

There are three types, they all look the same, big head, big eyes, the eyes are black, white, and dark blue.

Mine says I'm Dumb.

They possessed soul, cruelly, they made thoughts. The black ones were firey, the whites were really just the same as the blacks. I saw them everywhere, big eyes of ghosts in crowds of people. They stick, they stay in your body. The black ones were thought to be evil, but the white ones were too...so I looked at one, and it turned blue, just in its eyes. Crowds and crowds of martians, aatonishing that no-one knew they were already here, just invaders of a different kind. Meeting martians in my room, and turning them blue. They had already been here for decades. They wanted to write cruel. They made men think it was Satan to Him. Destroying martians: I destroyed them by staring back, just as intently as them, but with more fire, than their empty stare...so, I banished hundreds. Then, I couldn't be bothered, I forgot about it. Fascist thoughts. The blues are pyschotic, "What should I love?" they think....but then they can't get past that thought. So they stare into other humans, and make them a little dead. It's punishing. What did they do to Earth?

Everyone is Possessed by A Martian

2011-01-30T08:41:00.001-08:00

the goyim

2011-01-30T04:35:00.001-08:00

I encountered them first on a Television in the other room of the hospital ward. The voice was squeaky, and electrical fuzz, like a computerised voice. I imagined them, with whiskers, i saw them wearing baker-boy hats, and metal braces around their teeth, very straight-set teeth...

I knew the language, they started with how they were far-right, and how they were going to destroy.

The next part of the Television radio, played, a monsters voice, a reptile, a huge dinosaur thing that could speak...: it greeted me with:

"Man-dead..." Humans were 'man-dead'...the reptiles were in their space-ship, and had caught site of planet Earth...they were going to arrive very soon. So, looking at of the window, smoking, looking at where building works were taking place over an empty field, and the smoke of the morgue near by, and the tiny windows containing very sick people, I devised a way to destroy the ; Vors-hag (dabaliens)...

the rat's stories;

2011-01-28T07:52:00.001-08:00

"'Deed', I am Amouskha. I am Red."

"I like to Happy."

"I like that Love is Heaven..."

my story is about soul.

thats sweet, but Amouskha, I have to go....

Here's History.

rats

2011-01-28T05:42:00.001-08:00

HEATHENS;

"Right, mate, we're rock n rolling."

they are dizzy, they are completely love! they are sane. Emelbert is jesus.

the king in the alley. brought voice. dead kings.

"....why are they making me think you're hate?" said, the rat. heaar it squeaky squaeky squaek. i can swiftly translate.

black eyes, black all-over eyes, a little sparkle so you know what they think.

the pupils and irises are forming, the iris as a very thick black line, dark brown pupills, and a fading/ thinning of the outer eyeball, into a dusky blue. the rat's eyes.

the whiskers must be sharp, they've got shorter. they are like little stubble moustaches on women...the thin fur is generally grey, silvery grey. they have ears, spiky, a little higher up the head, big ears. do they have long hair on their head? I do. they have noses like human, yet a lot smaller and thinner, silver fur, and a little pink nick at the end.

---

the english arrived. the demons emerged, everything was linked. So, we God. we fought the english, we fought the demons, they welcomed the english , ran from the english, died from the english. the english mureder , then joined the force. They overcame, what they created. They gallantly fought for life, against the demons...

Some rats are smaller, rat-women 5'3, have tails, long tails or stubby tails, some tails disappeared, some have six breasts. large breasts. some are very rat.

what a mess Emelbert was in. Magical happenings. Northern Lights. It sank in divine. baker boy hats, and "rock n roll, mate"...(special Emelbert, greeting and goodbye) Little rat women, dancing in clubs, the music magical dance, specifically , ; drum n bass.

The Devil men.

Human formed rat-men, with smoething like a metallic brace over their particular verrrrry striaght small teeth, particular to the evil, dark moustaches, particular to voice, a computeri, a computerised voice, thesee ones were the Evil.

---

The War.

I think it lasted 50 years, I was hope, then I just couldnt be bothered, Earth has died, we all have died. I'm too particular to care. Baker boy hats.

it was a holocaust.

---

it was terrible. terrible terrible, I cried RUN

@Run Away.

"They are about to arrive, go to this and this destination..."

Code Red Monkey.

50 nazis dead. click *

---

Killed

2011-01-02T10:31:00.000-08:00

I keep telling, what happened, I know that's wise, because I havent particulairy been killed by it, unless you count my weekedns, at home, where I avoid the family for the computer. I'm so hard-hearted, I shouldnt tell, because other women aren't ...and I've latched myself onto this woman in Heaven, because....

She said:

"You will bring me a house of love."

Thats about all this drawing and designing I've abandoned since calling...

Magical power is just...just continous murder...I think I've got such power, such madness, such forsaken attitudes, adn such damn bad luck, that I'm going to shoot my entire soul into that big ball of fire, called the sun...it happened, that, when I see the sun, I think my soul is going to leave me, and fly into it, for a while even when I saw videos, with a panorama, and sunlight, that I'm gone...or when I see random pictures of Nazi's (that's just weird bad that pictures of Hell keep appearing)...or when I'm being driven down the motorway, and sees heaps of large metal cages in the industrial parks, I'm going to fly back in time, and I'm going to be trapped in a prison, (where they keep me in a cell, because they are evil, and dont hesitate to discover why I'm there, just that this enigma has to be kept under raps, and stay in prison for life, trapped in the metal cages, trapped in Nazi Germany, trapped in the sun...

Then I tell her, how there is Hell. And I see her, with me, in another place, shaking, shaking and weeping, in my house...

I think she is Allah.

Then I reason she might be a holy woman, a 'mother'...

And each ight, I cry up to tell them to pray....I can't do it, I don't want to pray, not like a moslem, where you can see the whole ceremony...not in my chair...I did go back to the chair...I just say, I won't pray. It was impossible for this:

'continuous pleading' (in prayer)

not to have made any difference.

Other prayers have made a difference...insane miraclious prayers...the death of a group of men, count 1/2 secs, of calling, where i stopped in the street, adn then heard it had worked,a dn tehn seen two lights from my eyes turn into one white and one light blue banner, into: "Where-ever you go!"

We had yellow things in our walls.

The bear-jew...the bear-jew, beheaded a gang of Nazi's...that was magic...we don't know what is True. He was a big loud black man crying thunder;

"I FIGHT JESUS! I FIGHT JESUS!" A big african guys voice. strange...that was me.

I walk a long way home, devising, then I come to a tree, I pick a twig off the tree, and I snap it, and I say what...."Bang!" I hear: 300 Nazi's dead....

I actually enjoy, and I reason, if that was truth and that worked, work for the new problem, instead, I threatened as many people in heaven as I can...I hear kids crying in my walls, and I have to call Nan....breakdowns...every-one weeping or scolding...

I say worse...I start repeating the drill, their sick talk, I threaten heaven men will get too, that I will put them in fall...

I make giant prayer, in my chair, but the colours forming around me, are satanic black, but, also gold...

When I fall into bed, I break out...I call these 'higher' women, and:

"You have forsaken us!!"

That makes me laugh, I know I have, and I laugh, because of the push, and that lets me know I'm half-way home, because I don't know where I am, even when women arrive, or I think my kids have arrived...I know they forgive and I will meet them...that stopped the Death. That puts in my mind to remember those words...

I have fun when I'm high, but I also bring Hell...I have ideas of calling the entire Israeli army, the entire country, to help me in a war against perverts, simply, to find someone who can cleverly, and quietly kill them, use a kitchen knife even, cut a little slit in the heart: "NO, wait, I want them to suffer, put them in a Living Hell...and then I will kill them..." There was no-one, I thought I heard men, discuss, adn these men were just as bad, they wouldn't kill...( "I heard a light that says, when we kill Evil, we save the entire world) If they wouldn't do that, then what were they??

Someone stopped the phone calls, other wise, we are certainly dead. The 'eye for an eye' began to become satanic, (and that is after many years, nearly five, of fighting Hell) because somehow, when I cried, :

"Let them have every Hell, they want to put on others, to them...let them die..."

It was Hell, it was full of screaming when we heard the babies crying, when we heard the men talking...

"Pray these men dead..." That broke everybody, that broke men who knew one Heaven Law, was to never Kill. I only knew that, because I had recently heard it in the Light....

The Satanic (colour, a dusky grey black...)

"It just heard Sulk, and thought, to laugh...."

It must have flown upwards, because I was calling the highest, the suicide began, because I thought there no possible way we would be killed, by this light reaching Heaven...because, well, we're secure, and they sure didn't see any evil, over this way...which means all my hysteria and paranoia melted, and I let go, and I flew everything, absolutely, everything into the highest place...even if it was Satan soul...made hard-hearted, because no-one dies in Heaven...

I don't know what happened, to our souls or to this Heaven, so, I cried make Light, stronger, a feminine light, dies under bad heat...

Dreams

2010-12-28T05:08:00.000-08:00

Me and the family, we always seem to be, in a darkness, a black lit place with no moon, it looks like a British council estate, we meet men, fat-man( re: fascist...) wearing London foot-ball shirts...the whore of Babylon appears in our dark garden, yellow and light brown tentacles, a woman's head, obese, full of faeces, somehow I find a sword, and chop it in half...it follows mum...

One morning...I'm riding horses with Arab men, in a beautiful snowy expanse of mountains...the next I'm in a little town...looking through a market place, of records, I'm with the Osborne kids (Ozzy Osborne's children) Kelly picks up a haevy metal record, we have never heard, but the sleeve cover is in bright yellow and black, so...I immediately know it's evil, and I warn her....still, she buys it (probably, because it's exactly evil)...then we in her bedroom, and that thing of babylon appears...Jack is mesmerised, he says he will give it sex, it spurts liquid... a persian rug appears...it looks like they are mocking me...the liquid gets all over the rug...next I'm with their mummy, berating them...she is in bed...we go out into town again...i throw the persian rug, over someone's balcony just above us...I have to warn the woman who finds it...she doesnt seem too worried by the rug, which she puts ojn the floor in her room, she just upset that a voice has appeared in her apartment....I leave talking to her, because this time, I'm awake....

This morning, I'm back in a dark place, but somethings happened, there are a gang of people with me, one of them is mum, "We are still soul, Mum, we have to fight..." I'm in a flat...I'm also with people from Middle Earth (lord of the rings) Warriors, soldiers...it's a little hazy now, but in a minute, there is a mandarin girl? (chinese)

There is my sword...a long copper gold blade, long, tapering into a triangle end, both edges shrarp...I examine it, it's a kings sowrd, but not quite, it needs a little sharpening...I am trying to find a different sword...but, I take this sword, I'm in a rebellion gang...something evil has appeared, and we have a mission to save....I read the story from the first volume of a story in three books, not the Lord of three Rings tale, but very similar...we walk through the council estate...while I'm entering a room, like a train station, I am also trying to find what happens in the first chapter, I meet a man from the book...I'm being told it is important to know the whole book, I'm reading while I am in action...it is a history, of another war...I say is it a tale of a poor man (like the Children of Hurin?) "We must make haste...Abelbert has died..."

I meet a chinese family, I have to save them, because one of them has brought evil......there are crowds of people on the floor, I say, is this communist? we rush through, flailing and falling...I decided to fully wake up...

"Your mission is Sire, use the sword..."

The hobbit men...there are hobbit men in the room where I find the sword...the history of the sword is that of a King..."He was a poor man..."

"When the Communists cry...fight..."

The 1st book tells the tale...it is a story of a man in failure...he fought and cried...

I have to flip through the book quickly to find out what is happening, but the book is in another scene, I'm not holding the book, the pages are arriving like a picture...the story is the man appearing...I want the man to know, that the first chapter is fate...fight evil...It's not Hurin, its from a different time, it's dark, where....as...everything is in black light...like the Ungolunt (giant monster spider) had filled the air...

Dad

2010-12-12T11:55:00.000-08:00

Krishna, travelled as a brother to Bramha, and Vishnu...through an interplanetary level...one day, a brahim's wife lost her her child, he went to see the current King, and blamed the king for the death, because Indian Kings, held a spiritual responsibility, he was accused of being interested only in himself and his pleasures, then the brahim's wife lost another baby...and another and another...the tenth, time, a a man called Arjuna was sitting with the King. He promised to retrieve the brahim's son, and if he couldnt keep his promise, then he would throw himself into the flames. He travelled from planet to planet...but couldnt find the kids...Then as he was about to throw himself into fire, Lord Krishna appeared...

---

Bragha Mui (incorrect spelling) sat by the river with the sages, they wanted to know who was the Most Perfect Incarnation of the Godhead...His father was Lord Brahma...Bragha decided to go to him, on a purpose of specifically testing his patience, as Goodness, and Patience was most upheld...The Lord was his own father...the tradition, is to greet a father by making the obligatory welcome prayers and obeisance...he didn't do this... Brahma swelled into a red rage, and was about to attack him with his rod...so Bragha left...

Then he went to Vishnu...he did the same kind of thing, and encountered more anger...

Then he travelled to another planet, to find Lord Krishna, lying on a bed of flowers, while his wife, massaged his 'lotus' feet...Bragha brought his foot down with full force onto Krishna's chest...Krishna was delighted, he greeted him with a string of poetical words, his chest now was the place where the queen should always remain, because now it was so very special...

---

Lord Krishna flew through the skies with Arjuna, to take him to the planet he couldn't enter before, a planet which was beyond a galaxies realm, and is found through the curtain of the Cosmo into the inner world...he saw a giant swirling white and light blue serpent, on the serpent lay a man with skin the colour of the rainy clouds, his name was Maya Vishnu...he greeted Arjuna, and said, the meeting with the King, Krishna and the Brahim had been his plan...he orchestrated the meeting by kidnapping the brahim's children, so he could come face to face with them...this was because Arjuna and Krishna were aspects of Maya Vishnu himself, these aspects of him were in human form,

because Satan had started to rise, and they were placed on Planet Earth, ( to kill demons, which they had already been doing, killing hundreds)

...the children were now grown men, and Arjuna returned them to the brahim...

---

There are only two personalities that exist in the world/galaxies/universe, Lord King Krishna, and his eternal Wife, Lakshmi...on Planet Earth, Krishna has thousands of wives, they are all aspects of Lakshmi..."...he cannot bear to be apart from her..." He lives in a thousand palaces simultaneously, a thousand Krishna's with a thousand different women...everything on earth is like an expansion of Krishna's, actions and likes...dancing, partying...etc. These actions are plenary-expansion examples, of what Krishna and Lakshmi create in Heaven...

---

Me...I jump on a train thinking about all these stories, about the third time that day, there are a group of young women sitting together, I try it..."Hey Mummy Lakshmi, where do I get the train to from here??" They brighten up...I say "OK, I pick you..."

---

I heard a baby's voice, saying "Daddy....daddy..." Full of giggles...I was laughing, I went out to buy some chocolate...I listened as I crossed the road and heard a crowd, and a baby giggling...he appeared too quickly...he had a face like my sister and blue skin...I'm bad soul, I hide. I don't bride...I'm getting awful headaches..I'm a bit in tears...I'm questioning, leaving, questioning, leaving...

Slow...do not tell Hell...Make sky...the child we have made will see light...

It's all tears...I smoke in the garden, and my nanny is crying, I'm getting big headache, like black fire...I dont know why nanny is crying...the baby is with 'Heaven people who Love God...'

I dadadadada...

I'm dead.

She just sleeps like Him, and weeps!!

It's soaring in electric light...

"Beautiful Day, go to bed."

"Sleep in Heaven..."

low, low, low....dead.

Me

2010-12-02T08:53:00.001-08:00

you were happy all weekend, because you looked at your self, and you saw you was not dead. you had the longest white hair, and the shiniest silver ring, on your third finger right hand...you spoke the 'light of Arda', with a silvery voice in light, over the ring, the inscription was white, elf writing...you thought, I'm in God, I am in God, and I might live forever

well damn, you're happy with yourself...even when they look, and you're spaced out and you were in a shitty, lumpy bed, with metal springs sticking in your side, with a dribble covered pillow, fermenting into the foam, because the covers fall off...a nutty haircut with a quiff in the middle, a dirty pudgy kind of face with an ugly upturned nose, and the way the gypsy face has caught all these wrikles, and is turnign grey from the furr, of which you found a little tuft, in an odd place by the side of your nose..and it's all very funny that they are looking...and... a bit chubby now from all the speed eating...

so damn you...you're happy now...and you've been monstrous, and you have died...

You're happy until the ring gets, nicked, or the devil breathes on it and it burns and rusts, and you get in trouble, and you get damned, and you end up looking like that demon-lad...with his grey skin, wrinkly old face, the long reptilian tail...

"You think you are just an ugly face, of evil; yet it's that which gets women wanting, but I can see you actually turn into some kind of dinosaur with a long tail...and that is not, hot...and I am laughing at you...""

Michal

2010-12-02T08:20:00.000-08:00

adele-rolling in the deep

The sun-rise appeared in the night-time...shei tels in the snow, a long way away, enclosed in little towns, are you an ancient girl ?? Non, you are shet tels in the snow...real tears flowing

you skin like south desert, soft and hotter like south desert.

my skin, dirty, like smog, metal skin, don't sing closer, skin like poison. real tears flowing

sheay tels in the snow, killers dancing...we went north along time ago,

you talk sheei tels I found the form of Jewish!! "An ackt, a nein, a vhat? like 'shee tels '...you show me that kind of speaking is jewish, you speak like yiddish, ancient aramaic...you have strange verbs.. tears are flowing, look

I flow like aramaic, I fluent aramaic, i think ancient hebrew, i like talk with you in ancient hebrew

I like singing. tears are flowing...

I forgot you, and forgetting you, forgot everything.

I'm not in shet tels , I'm in the snow...tears are flowing

I speak like stupid:

"shayt tels in the snow..."

GOD

2010-11-13T11:56:00.000-08:00

she is a civorge

swift...you worry over the other...men, other men...I'm her married...I'm a little low...

GOD!!

you called Her, half an hour before you had to go...you saw on the train ride, a golden hand, thin and smooth, with one finger pointing upwards...you lay in her lap...you didnt know what the signs meant...you heard:

"She will obey me until the End of Time..."

Whats the end of time?

Then I sang,and I sang quite well...the others were quiet and stilted, they read the verses like they were just words...I went out for a cigarette, I was very disappointed that I was passed over...

I can't think with a soul...I have to keep calling when it's no..."I hate God!!" Lots of story-telling, racism, overblown evil joking, from my quarterm then the bus-ride, some white-girl:

"GYPSY!! GYPSY!!" I read her soul: creamy white/fake green; "I don't really Luv YAR...I said she'd be in a sinking pot of boiling water, and then, eaten..

but:

PEACE.

Planet SHAS

2010-11-11T05:28:00.001-08:00

....welcoming...Planet Shas:

We have hebrew.

It made us love.

How we created Emena Ty...(Beloved Earth) from Planet Hell (Shas) We stormed the palace...we arrived...we brought thought...arrived many hebrew...the hell-men were oustanding, "We understand YOU." Create us civilization, the Devil dead.

We broke through, we entered door 9...The 1st thought was "What can we do?" We built schools...many married...we were Jews...royal palace...the palace looked like tombs, it was like an arabs house...white, square, flat roofed...it seated at the slope of a hill...it was built on a cliff, that had burned, surrounded by flowing red molten lava...God played a tune, the grass turned green, water flowed over the black sand...I had wives.

When we died, the woman dressed in blue robes, filed through the house to the balcony, I saw them with my own eyes, on a bed in a mental hospital...

Kamara had many king, she rode a purple horse, my horse was black, he was named Zeek (Ezekial) he could talk, he was gentler than men...we made reins from coloured ropes that we plaited together. I wanted to keep it traditional, there was no electricty, (unless that was what some wizard found...)

We had many children. Men were Thank...they wrote books. "They prized Hatred"

We walked for years...we found wars...Summer was Heavy, the demons were gross...(getting stuck in satan light causes illness..fatigue, headaches...etc....) there was pounding earth, there were floods, the river flowed...it flowed through Hell...

What were the men?

Many prized...some became God...rebellion was taught...they slammed through the hills, Kamara sword...she killed 18 Japanese...I thought, she rode.

She overcame heavy-men. She taught...she smiled as she sat beside me, on the steps above a crowd of people, and I gasped with love, I said:

"Free the men..."

---

Kamara was Queen.

Horse Lady

2010-10-31T10:13:00.000-07:00

Sometimes souls change guise, and adopt animal looks..., the Unicorn, the Lion, the Chimpanzee, the alien without hair, and with glowing skin, and a lumpy forehead, full of scripture, the guy with little horns, and leaves for a crown, hairy sheep legs and hooves...the blue lamb with a little beard...

The English Horse...a lady...

T.V

2010-10-23T12:59:00.000-07:00

I spent half an hour, thinking there would be an electrocution, because some one was calling me from her bath...to meet the Hairy Fat Cain...I remember my baths, when another FH Cain played this: White Rabbit-Jefferson Airplane...ha! then in a scene, next, a guy gets electrocuted by an overhanging light...Luck, Parallel dimensions, Death...

I sat there under a coat, rubbing the cats nose, ( Muezza the 3rd) and getting bitten, because she decided that tonight, eyeing the edge of my coat like it was a mouse, paws in front... and I felt someone cuddle me..

"No...no...wow...no...who is this?" safe warm light.

Anna..."There are all Anna..." I hear Anna, because, well, they're Anna...

"I have Lover's King..."

Well, wait. So I can keep electrocuting my feelings, until I'm confused and physically ill. Distraught. Mistakes, all so much a mistake, I think to myself I can't find a way back into a sensible //sensitive pattern, like managing speech...the other Anna, became true love, because we cuddled in fly...she stands in a room I leave, and sings, my paintings; are snuggly, cuddly, nice, pretty. I don't hate that, but I bring it Hate, because Love is low, a low light, that's been very much used up...so I low speech, and thinking of Aliens is soothing, because it's interesting news, it's a rest from this planet...it's amazing that I know things about another Galaxy, a Zeitgiest...I'm silly...then more genius- coo-inging over some kids painting...what; "The kids a retard, smoking, thank you yes, I listen..." Because the GREEN LIGHT was slow for me, and I need to ponder over the clashing golden eyes.

Well, God, you dont shout out, do you? when someone is calling me for bed. Someone shouted to a woman in the house...some women collapsed...

I'm very confused...

Yes, this is gross, but I'm a bit berefit, of happiness at the moment, so why savour a cuddle, go to go,got to keep moving...It's mentally exhausting...I'm am getting very sick, I've been crying HELL, the guy is a gnome, you are human dogs, I think God just burnt my baby because I defied, I heard fire, someone poked me, a girl fell in Love with the wrong, creep, Im sitting back in a coffee shop laughing, I sing I'm pulling an angel into bed, cause she's sitting with demons, a turn makes a boy in Heaven, into a Zombie, I want every man to fight, or every man to die, I will Fall You...screaming...I'm waiting for the baby sister to arrive, I push her over...I die, I die, the kids still a zombie, the babies are dead...every man forgot to fight, leave me in Hell...the shopping centre call, suddenly Im Allah himself, I'm getting louder and louder, a nearby alarm stars, it's my screams, the drums are rolling, the loud low horn (shofar) begins, it pits down, it stops because, techinally without SOUL voice, I'm going to lose, I cant put together what I'm calling for...the horn stops, it just piffles away, it's silly, you are dead, I'm dead, the horn is real, I can't invent horns, they begin, they forget...then I call that voice again;

calling family, the babies are dead, the babies are dead...

"I do not kill Holy married, I do not kill Eternal Life."

slight misquote.
then I'm back with humans, asking these humans, snogging teenagers, reds...something about reds...then worse, I do things through time, I let out fireballs from my fingers, that's why I heard fire, but I heard a girl I called, a relative in Heaven, try to source my head, my mind, while I'm dizzy in the aisles, dead, dead, and she dies, because I voice her to speak what I say, by accident, why do I get a poke, in the shopping centre? I just want

FIRE ON HELL

you dont want to know why, still fighting Hell, it looks like they got life... being forgiven ...well, I'm dancing.

But I'm still very dead.

(radio- Cream; White Room)

Scriptures 2

2010-10-18T05:52:00.000-07:00

I read Joseph's interpretation of the Pharoah's dreams, in a little english Bible, and found something else...not images of famines, but tales about souls;

Fat and Lean 'souls'

Golden Wheat: 'Heavenly Rewards...'

5 And he slept and dreamed the second time: and, behold, seven ears of corn came up upon one stalk, rank and good.
.6 And, behold, seven thin ears and blasted with the east wind sprung up after them.
7 And the seven thin ears devoured the seven rank and full ears. And Pharaoh awoke, and, behold, it was a dream.
.8 And it came to pass in the morning that his spirit was troubled; and he sent and called for all the magicians of Egypt, and all the wise men thereof: and Pharaoh told them his dream; but there was none that could interpret them unto Pharaoh.

sorry if im slow here:

17 ¶ And Pharaoh said unto Joseph, In my dream, behold, I stood upon the bank of the river:
18 And, behold, there came up out of the river seven kine, fatfleshed and well favoured; and they fed in a meadow:
19 And, behold, seven other kine came up after them, poor and very ill favoured and leanfleshed, such as I never saw in all the land of Egypt for badness:
20 And the lean and the ill favoured kine did eat up the first seven fat kine:
21 And when they had eaten them up, it could not be known that they had eaten them; but they were still ill favoured, as at the beginning. So I awoke.
22 And I saw in my dream, and, behold, seven ears came up in one stalk, full and good:
.23 And, behold, seven ears, withered, thin, and blasted with the east wind, sprung up after them:
24 And the thin ears devoured the seven good ears: and I told this unto the magicians; but there was none that could declare it to me.
there came up out of the river seven kine, fatfleshed and well favoured;

the FAT, and the WELL-FAVOURED:

(every respected Teacher of God, aka: Rabbi...)

other kine came up after them, poor and very ill favoured and leanfleshed,
(the mystics, the friends of Jesus, the men who were told Hell, the men who can see...dis-respected in their time, the oppressed...

22 And I saw in my dream, and, behold, seven ears came up in one stalk, full and good:
.23 And, behold, seven ears, withered, thin, and blasted with the east wind, sprung up after them:
24 And the thin ears devoured the seven good ears: and I told this unto the magicians; but there was none that could declare it to me
the wheat was good, because words were sent, Holy words, the words were like gold wheat to eat, but the messenger began to sin, and the Light was withered and men could see the Sin, so this made many sad and disbelieving,and they grew thin, in knowing damnation, but they also had a Voice...and the words didn't matter to God, because of the Sin...

OK, I explained a little better when I could speak over the reading..

Scriptures 1

2010-10-18T05:24:00.000-07:00

I read the beginning of the Book of Mormons, until I came to a line, about "The cockatrice in Hell" It reminded me of what I had seen once, and I screamed, and I told everyone I was fighting again, so I threw the damned book away...I've been throwing books into bins, which is odd for me, I have to censor continually, because I get very sick, magical sick, I've thrown away comics, and a book that was made into a highly popular film...a new one...

The book of Mormons began about a tribe called Nephtali, who have to 'up stix' and leave the rest of the Jewish people where they are, to found a new tribe in Paradise, they take wives, etc, etc, the build an amazing ship...I don't know where they are supposed to be, they're not in Israel...I believe;

They are on an Alien Planet...perhaps Emena Ty (Beloved Earth), which was once Planet (Shas) Hell...(Shas, some kind of 'advanced' Hebrew Lore, that says, :

"Demons grow, they build on Hate (see this, a bad guy in his bed, groaning and squelching noises start, the thing is growing from his soul, into a huge dull white monster)...The planet had Hate...it was killed soul..>"A fighter arrived..."

...all demons destroyed, and a new family arriving, to lead out the damned humans, still on this planet, wearing chains...to a Holier Civilisation.

Joseph!

King Joseph.

Little Lord Joseph, blood of David...

Lets try remembering what only old guys are allowed to know:

Planet Shas:

"The fighter wore a pink dressing gown on the way to the shops, he decided to fight the devil, he faced the monster with it's rams horns, and dribbling flesh in the street...it collapsed and died, many men cheered, the juden frauline had saved them!! The iron chains they wore, were covered in a bright white light, they disappeared...and every man was saved..."

OK! What is written!:

"The fighter arrived...Shas was Hell...every man sang......"

Art Gallery

2010-10-17T11:27:00.000-07:00

When I walked off from Her, I kept saying:

"Bitch."

Bitch, Bitch, from the garden to the bed...I had been calling women bitch, out loud, knowing, there was a man in the shadows, somewhere in the mind. It's gross, some silly people, think they have to send words, which look like lines of different coloured light, into my skull, and into my brain, which, sorry, have exactly no, ears to hear you with...

There was screaming...at the art-gallery: A couple walked out from the restuarant into the smoking garden;

"Oh! Sweet, that woman's dressed as a nun!" They went to sit with some rich germans beside me...I started to notice.

"OK, the robe is leopard print..."

I kind of forgot that leopard skin is very rude material, so I was glancing back, thinking, OK, thats meant to be sick...prostitute.

A woman screamed, and screamed for a long time after I had gone back inside, walking over to a big picture that caught me with traditional hebrew writing...

"And a big gay head!!" A picture of a gross looking queer, then to my left, a creamy, slimy, plastic flesh coloured swastika...

"Well, I expect this..." The screaming continued...I started to feel dizzy and sick...the couple, the Nun, was carrying a bottle of something, and the man was wearing plastic black robes, with silver-studded crucifix, and a klux hat, with a platter, of bacon..

"If that bacon is uncooked, gross...you cant eat uncooked."

Something made me giggle, a very tall model, with brown spiky short hair, a sheepskin jacket, falling off one shoulder, a blue shirt, extra long legs, holding hands with a small dark-haired teacher looking woman...

The art was inspiring because lots of it was bad...

2010-10-17T11:17:00.000-07:00

"You see sweet! Tell me!"

I wanted to find people that I can tell them what ,

this week's parsha

means, in a personal way to me, that is for them, and is 'worldy' ? So the Lady said :

Tell ME!

Tajweed Odyessy 2/3rd

2010-10-17T10:39:00.000-07:00

I bought a coffee, and a pistashio ice-cream with cone...at the nearest cafe...I chose that ice-cream, because it had a nice light green colour...

But it was gross, it was like a dead mouse wrapped in cardboard, and the darker green sauce, was like tasting bogies... the time moved quickly, over my free newspaper, and I arrived at the college...

I had forgotten to pay for the coffee and ice-cream.

I knew what to do,

ok?

Go somewhere else for a coffee.

Because I didnt have the cash this time, and oh no, I didnt realise they might forget...but still...I give charity like Heaven, I mean I give the gold stuff, and sometimes the paper stuff, but there was a mystical reason for not going back to that cafe...It meant, I wouldn't start thinking the whole IDEA, of this weekly travel, was to be going through bitch. I mean they dont look like friendly men. I dont think it's my shaved head, and the smoking on the pavement, or my face, it's them...like a little boy at the counter said:

"You are Chav, and I am Chavi..."

which means, in gypsy language, "You're a big Gay, and I've got lots of girls..."

Love

2010-10-17T10:01:00.000-07:00

He was a giant...

I spent months, after calling Lord, in May: How I called:

I sat in the garden alone, I focused until I was clean, in the mind...probably also, bits of my body, an overall cleaniness...I threw in and up, what I call lights, I sent what I wanted to say in light, upwards, in a place somewhere in the air just above my forehead, keepingthe light safe, by only focusing on God, not telling anyone I was calling in the mean-time...I didnt say what I wanted to say,I think I've heard God before...I said:

"Hello, I am designing mosques, I am also beginning tajweed lessons..."

A woman's voice replied in the sky:

"You will build me a House of Love...."

I stood up, I walked back into the house...

"You will bring Tajweed, Light..."

You go off hungry...I was screaming and screaming inside, I "didnt want to listen..." I kept asking, "I didnt want to listen..." I wanted an addiction...another girl started calling, I thought it was the voice I heard...I wanted to give the voice bed...didnt want to listen...

That was in May, then I had Hell, the men got through the door...I thought I called her in the cafe, I called her in the library, men burning around me, a bit of the voice that burnt my infidel voice, burnt away a bit of skin on my face...I heard a voice say that men walking past in the street had defied, I was roping in all these people around me, in the heathen streets, when I just wanted to tell her I had to get out of men...I could hear a woman I knew speak to me: I said:

"Why the fuck am I hearing you?" I defied, that was the reply, I said she couldnt understand I was hearing another womans voice...going into eternal death...

I thought it would be funny to call people to Her, so I could kill them.

I began the beginner's course weeping, screaming and praying in class, while we were learning the arabic alphabet...I heard:

"You will be the headlice in your pen."

So I got slow in the classes, and over Ramadan studied, it was slow...I was screaming in class.

I left the beginner class, and started Language study.

Hated.

The first teacher was cool...but I kept putting in his mind:

"Thas gooddd..." Even though I bad.

rewrite

Japan-i

2010-10-08T09:15:00.000-07:00

clear mind:

a lot of romance,

shockingly,

a lot of bending heads. and phone calls

the John Lennon Witchcraft Revival...

Nan over for dinner, with a tiny little rolled up body, and soft white hair, that makes you go "Oooh," and want to pat her head, while she bends over the table, looking at pictures of Dad, on a Krishnamurti Fun Expedition, picture calling hosted by mother;

"I dont find you at all funny, daughter..."

"It's Heathen, that whole thing is Heathen...."

We played Zip. Because I helped with the scrabble...

She had to go home quick, in time for Church.

I was pissed, drunk wine pissed:

"Fuck the game, me and Nan are going..." Quietly throwing the whole thing away....scrabble tiles all over the table.

The whole;

"Am I John Lennon? Yoko? Cynthia?" thing lasted until yesterday. I made new friends...of course I tried it with Yoko, much respect to Cynthia, but this whole Reincarnation thing was surprising me...the dopey headed guy with the death of the band era, beard and long hair, was in my posture, fighting my thoughts, but actually being much more sympathetic with everyone around me, despite the constant swearing...telling ym sister what...quietly swearing throughout the whole thing....I was wandering around the house, sure that we had joined souls so much I couldnt get him out...

"I'm a class actor."

"I see Paul I see George, I can remember bits of their soul, what was happening during their meetings.

I KNOW the fucking "Mahtharaja" Guru...wheeddly bits of his sinning, a joke guy...taking the piss out of his mannerisms that were suddenly coursing through my innocent reactions, through my thoughts and out into speech and peculiarity.

This wiritngs fuckign astonishing.

I stopped all that for Cynthia.

I want to wraggle Yoko's reactions until she was dead.

I knew stuff only she would know.

The Hate, one day, he walked through the house crying Jew's dead. That Jews killed:

"BLACK HIGH!.....

MUM!"

"Fucking Hell man, that bitch knew, she knew she was his mother...and she knew cool."

I actually said:

"Gosh, what an interesting relationship, I dont understand you...I understand!!"

present, I thought more than that, but that sums up, YOU.

I was shocked, I meant to write;
"SScary..." "If you were his mummmmmmmmmmm, thats some damn sexual terror....I'm frightened"

Don't cheat in magic, dont go around watching other people's lives in other peoples rooms.

Go....

With the Flow...

"I think I'll have 'er, yeah, I'm damn bloody sure I'll ave 'er."

I prayed twice for his soul. But the damn soul was growing up out of me, out of the grass of the college's 'piece of field' outside, with gold beard, gold hooked nose, bendy souls.

I kept 'telling' Yoko.

I even told her:

What. Happened, when he died.

And this, I must have been on the hooky magical wine, because I knew...I dont know, I never know. It's evil fool. I said:

"When he was shot, you cried out:

"Black Man Dead!"

Now I'm asking for forgiveness here. It sparked into my speech. When something happens at such

at such speed, you go dotty, I was going dotty

see-ing his face, emerge through mine, some dotty God, maybe:

When You die, swiftly, you'll cry out, SHIT, shit that's your last word...

It's hard to get into Heaven, I know, and maybe....maybe when I said that to her she laughed, I don't know, I go for 'death of soul'...I said it, I said it to her...and nothing died.

We will date. Anyway, I was turning Japanese, I was making; "Crap." sculptures in class:

"It is NOT Crap!!!" I was talking,

Japanese...we we're going through an Oriental Eyes see Best...we were in:

"Creamy White!!"

How many people were miffed about the importance of fighting; "Creamy White!" Because it is sick. Creamy White is a devil's soul. I fell in love with Hayley's soul;

"My eyes! Because I see you Dark Green!" I do turn japanese soul, half girl/half boy. Often times, if I breaking something, or fall out of the bath, I cry:

"I DIE!"

I like original japanese, none of that Lolita, or knifed wombs, I like nice, looking girls, and some twisting knives into the heart, to show I nobly;

"DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It would be much easier, if someone explained I mean, this story would be cool if I wrote it like a story...

The Babylon Monster

2010-09-21T10:38:00.001-07:00

, I sensed something bad in the room. A huge monster, fill of foul words, the head of a woman, a large obese body made of faeces, and lots of yellow tentacles

And while eating my cookie ice-cream, at a cafe table, I unfortunately had my left eye, taken out by a claw...

I had to kill it. I've done this before.

I sang:

"I'm in love with someone, I might not show it....I in llllovvvvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! I lovvvvvvee the womeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnn..."

It floated backwards, and made a

poop-piffle

sound.

It died!!

2010-09-21T07:39:00.000-07:00

hell.

"what can you meek?"

"You write meek, then you fight it..."

"I told everyone, we're soul..."
Giant bright gold wings, massive...a lambs face, white fluffy with a little beard, a unicorns face, one horn in the middle of my forehead, changing size on whats whats, the prediction, the strange rhymes, the amount of eternal life you have left...

How did the lizards that fell out of my feet? evolve? forget the rats for a moment....they began to walk on their hind-legs...

Someone important to you, left for Heaven...and I made Him a planet, and I gave the planet a name...and I knelt in the garden and sang, and my hair was long, and gold, and I shone...

homework

2010-09-13T06:12:00.000-07:00

manifesto.

dont love anybody;

dont like height

2010-09-13T06:05:00.000-07:00

Black Ida...what a heat...reading...I like fearing. Repeat!

Where is show? I like looking light:

pillow: Cain, cain, cain,...."Cain, cain, cain...."

Then I'm evil.

Chowski

2010-09-09T07:57:00.000-07:00

bread and butter, no fasting this time...what a booger...

I had a party at school, I drank a glass of wine, added more wine, and added water...we had a meeting...it ended with a wiggle, and a "Oooh, well!" and a giggle...because she started shaking her hips while talking about work...

you think i'm a subversive

I did that, I can make people say things and I can also make people fart, it requires no function, the whole shared house farting together; I say it and it becomes, it was silly for a while, and then, it was cool;

oh well....I just want to type...yawn

I was heading for trouble..."Mate? She went down the pub, with a CID, and a pair of poofs?"

The kids watch out where I am during the day...and they tell Nan. I thought,

OK, just a lemonade!, I went there with a 'mature student' and a gang of photographers...I gave some cash, and they came back with a coca-cola...everything was lively, until the 'mature student began to talk...she told me how she was found outside her Dad's pub, wearing only a small t-shirt, and she didnt say imagine what else, just nothing...because we were talking about hallucinations, who we had mental problems, 'sigh *' just a conversation....I didn't think it would get worse...

I relaxed, I made a concerted effort to relax, but then she began talking...I stuffed the picture I was going to sell, behind the bench, rolled up...well...

the CID came round her house...it was horrifc, I was paranoid, revelations...it began

her brother's friend got a prison sentence....for manslaughter;

becuase:

because he had attacked a man, who had threatened him in a car park, he threw a punch...I said:

"OK, we both lower class, it happens!!"

The man died when he hit his head, on the floor....then; this;

the police arrived because she had swung a punch at a girl....
"OK, that happens...many past fights...."
it span sick...the girl had been abused by men the 'mature student' knew...the screams were getting louder, I was glugging my coca cola, I was beside her but out of sight, she was telling the story, to a girl with too much make-up on, at the table, the poofs were chatting inane crap;

"Is this supposed to be funky?" Crap that makes you freeze. It makes you think, "They show this to be cool, it's never cool, we have a loss, the talk is squeak...squeak...poof..." The photographic work was interesting talk, I didn't like that talk, I hate Art, I hate talk...

the girl opposite her, was frowning, I could see her hate and her worry...I was beginning to think I would be involved in a situation I had no power over, especially as, those people have the power to kill...it's a family kill....it's the trouble with the dumb kid, going over-emotional, the one making the trouble...

the abused girl arrived in Dad's bar, where mature student worked, the first face of this student was, respect, "...you're pretty, you talk. Thank you to know you..."

It was all the abused girls fault....sickeningly, I know this scene, it's the skinny girls fault...it's the loon married to all the guys marijuana and booze...and a free bath...that's cynical witch, it's when you have no cash, and no home...and you are unwilling to cope, and sometimes you get there into Hell, when you are just looking for a party.
Someone lifted someones t-shirt, exposing breasts...the girl bit her arm...the girl was knocked out badly by a woman who can power-punch....

She was no longer pretty...And Haley was too beautiful. That day...

The police arrived....I left....I grabbed my stuff quick and got the hell out of the pub...

"Yeah," said, the mature student, "She has get home for her dinner...." she waved me away; I said:

"That! Was wise!"

OK...I didnt mention I was down the pub...I didnt stay for a sneaky shandy, I lost a ten pound note in the street, no bother, I went back to the care-home...for the trouble....

OH THE CHOMKSY

Learning Koran

2010-08-27T03:15:00.000-07:00

I was supposed to meet a girl, at my library, on this time, on Monday, a week after we met...I arrived a little early, but maybe late...I stayed there until it closed...about 6 hours, on the computer twice, and then at a table with books...

I arrived again the next day, and stayed for another 6 hours...I had seen her the Friday before, in an aisle, all dressed in white hijab...

http://mysticalpaths.blogspot.com/2007/11/ben-ish-chais-verdict-in-heaven-return.html (this about soul travel, v.interesting

but, I grabbed the bag, from under the table, and ran out...Sitting odwn at the table, in front of the aisle, I spotted a Koran for Idiots...I picked it up and read through a few pages...then I took down a Quran translation that had been donated, I quietly placed it on the table in front of me, some people kiss it, others place it in cloth, I just quietly moved it up the table away from me in a special place,until i felt well enough to pick it up again, because I was goign to think something stupid...I read idiots again, and found an interesting passage, with an Ayat, about Creation...I began to copy down the Arabic into a book and read it after I had written it down...I stayed light, until I heard a woman's voice mumbling ( a voice that sounded like someone I knew, but maybe wasn't, maybe she was a djinn, made from some of her heathen thoughts)...I fought this voice, and continued copying down verse...I thought the woman djinn up to God, mostly I was unsure, I thought it was the woman I knew...I said,

"I'm writing this before God..."

But I was worse, I wanted to kick the woman into a judgement, the thing is, it was her, not particulairly annoying me, but mumbling to herself...I thought she knew what I was doing, and arrived to kill it...terds...then I relaxed, and began writing another verse...still warning the woman, that we were writing and talking before God...I slip quick...but I kept writing...mostly, I speed write, like I speed eat, I don't know why, I think I'm in a rush to keep getting somewhere, to keep walking...and save something for the future...

When I looked at the next verse, my hand was flowing, I was writing quickly, but this time, I could see the Arabic lettering, together...I mean I began to;

Read the verse out loud, the Arabic, as though I was reading out my native language...I mean my pen stopped at the end of the first word, but I read the whole verse, through, as though someone had given me a lot of help...I could read it, flowing but couldn't yet understand what the words meant.

I told the woman what had happened...that I could hear myself read the whole verse, without struggling...like a little white light had been turned on...I read the verse well, flowingly before my pen could jot it down, as a complete verse..."God heard me!" I said to the woman djinn..."And she's given me skill in reading this,..."

I said; "I'm not sure what the words mean, but they will come to me..."

But I stopped writing,and lost myself quickly, I started calling out, "Bitch", then believing some one was calling me about someone;

"Bugger!" ("Grandad swears, do I have to honour Grandad, with a swear word? I know that is just TOO sarcastic...")

"Bitch." "Bugger!"

I wasn't dying or turning into a demon, I was still light, but the word bugger, just kept appearing...I supposed I was hearing someone talk to me...

The Boys!

2010-08-24T07:12:00.000-07:00

I'm in the supermarket....flicking through the jewish chronicle, in a busy newpaper stall, where people keep grabbing under my paper, for the heathen rags...there's some interesting articles, usually i read them out loud, but i dont want to hover too long, and I've just spent my paper-pound on a scratch-card, because I'm trying to raise some money for a date, the possibilites of paying for somewhere, or something...

Suddenly I feel eyes, around me, staring intently...

then I realise these eyes are about a foot and a half above the ground...alien-like, eyes of superior minds...

So, i read about the jewish astronauts, but I dont want to linger too long...and the cousin who inherited the Klimt Art Collection, is a "lucky bastard..." and I walk...

I realise, that, kids that aren't mine, are watching me...the same kids, in an Orthodox Jewish family, I met previously in a supermarket toilet, when I was out, with the mentally disabled group watching our annual film.

I'm not freaked, so I let them see lights from my thoughts, silver, wow, what did I say?...I wear my white wings...to show Angel...

I think I've lost them, as I walk home through the quiet streets. I have to toilet, I have to hygiene...the 'boys' are toddlers...they both wear big muslim looking black kippahs that cover the whole head, and coats that match exactly one of my old coats, brown cordoroy, with hoods...so, they're The Boys!

I dont know why I've been followed...because I'm dreaming about a date with a girl...

The eyes leave, and I pee, I fill the bath...I am bathing with my clothes on...

I sit down to the mirror, and I'm doing things to my face....and then,

I feel the eyes again;

"...midwitch cuckoos..."

they move off again:

to report:

"That lady painted a 'Maschtas' on her face!!"

"She washes her face and sings!"

;

They talk to me, but I can't hear;..."Why did you wash off the paint?"...

Their sister says:

"If you are on a date, you must sing!"

The boys say:

"She is getting ready for a date, but she is still ugly!!"

I wonder what their Dad thinks, why Mum kept walking with her head moving round, and her eyes away, like she was hearing voices...Dad was pushing a pram, and giggled when he saw me, because I said Hello!
I said, Boys you wear a coat like mine!

"You must keep singing!"

A Girl Called Yes

2010-08-17T06:48:00.000-07:00

so I was in the library, with my cherry colour (cola) beside me, writing a list of arabic words...I looked quickly to my right at another table, where a girl had just sat down...I looked back at my books...sighting, this..."IS my folder, with a big ARABIC written across it...look..."

When she caught my attention by standing up swiftly, and leaning forward, I shook a little...

"You are learning Arabic!!"

Yes, I am.

Then she moved towards my table, and stood in front of me...she was wearing black snood, under a black hijab...she was slim. I looked at her side-ways with wandering eyes...she was wearing make-up, good well-applied hazel make-up, purple and black, her face was quite...light/pale...she said loudly:

"Do you want me to teach you Arabic!!!"

I listened to her accent...I said, "You are Russian, you are a spy...Polack...you sound polish..."

"No, no, I am just beginning,...I I I can't make words, I mean I haven't learnt how to put sentences together, yet, ..." And I waved my pen over, the books, and grabbed at one and flicked through...waving at the words in the book...and pulling them towards me like I wanted to hide them...I said;

"I am not very good, I can't put sentences together, I'm a bit stupid...I've know, I I, I've been learning (5 weeks), 5 weeks, no; less, a month and a half..."

she sat at her table again, holding a mobile phone up, and staring at its screen...

I smiled, hoping, looking to see if she was smiling too, and went back to writing the list...but stopped and just stared at it, then looked side-ways, and began gathering the papers and books around me to make a neater space...and she shot up again, and stood over me, her face leaning into mine...

Then I said: "I am doing a course...which I have to pay for...but it is closed for Rama'dan' (rama-daaaaaaan) Rama Rama, rama dan...I I I....daa' daan, I am not converted, I am at ----name--- college...(thinking, someone has planted her here, a polack, why did i give the place....)...it is a charity..(It is a very poor place, that's why we give money, the ceiling has holes in it and messy walls, and the pens run out....)....it has barbed wire, and pen bars over it...it is a charity, (what? organation?) ah, ah"

She lifted her eyebrows.

" I am doing this because...I am silly...and I love poetry (Rumi, Khayyam) and I love the music...the college is behind the ----- Mosque...(will you find me there?) I should not tell you this..."

I think she told me a few times she would teach me, and everytime I said No...I was blushing, and I said so, I was "red." looking down at the book...I thought; "I haven't blushed for a very long time, I did it all the time at school, in front of pretty teachers..." (I was even mute for a whole year of Graphics...)

"You were born a muslim?" I asked, because I was sure she was a polish convert...she bowed and looked:

"YES! I was born a muslim..."

She was standing there looking, while I blushed...I moved the book:

"I, I also go to a ART...a school...I mean...art-school....just , I mean a silly little course at a local college...I am embarassed about Rama'dan, I am so stupid to pronounce...so,

"I also design mosques, well a little, it stopped...I am doing this course, because I want to go to study Architect....tect...tureeeeeeee....ar-architect (I am stupid so I will say that wrong, also)...please leave me...'

She replied:

"I know alot, of, mosques...!!"

"No, no..."

"My name is Lou, lou...not the boys one, Louis...What is your name?"

Loud, she leaned very close to my face, she had quite large lips and they were hazel, and I said "Autumn!" ("because I used to wear my mum's hazel coloured lipstick when I was a teen, and I love Autumn colours"):

"Na'am!"

"You are YES, YES!"

I repeated her name, and pronounced it perfectly...

She leaned forward again, and shouted:

"NA....am!"

"Please leave me..."

She said:

"Can you meet me, here, at the same time, on the same day??"

I said:

"I am going to my parents....no, no...yes, I can meet you here, on Monday, pleaase leave me alone...."

She sat down at the other table again, I wondered what she was doing here, why she had no books, the reason for her being in the library, was because she was a spy sent to find me, a russian spy...she was holding the phone in front of her again, up in the air, doing nothing but stare at it;

I ran out...I left her with:

"Do you smoke?" She said: "No..." like she was sad ...I ran out, and sat in a corner by the entrance...then; she walked out a split second after, holding the phone up in front of her...and turned the corner to the car-park...I went back in, and sat at a computer, looking out the window...but I saw her drive away in a small red car...it was sad, so I wrote my email address, and left it at her place at the table...

---

There are songs in Hope, and for some reason this is my YES song...It played in Dad's car...it lifted me...The Klaxons-Echoes...it's nothing special...

The Moon Lady

2010-08-16T14:25:00.000-07:00

"I want fight!! Shine my King is SOUL!!"

HE GAVE HIM< HE GAVE HIM!!"

Every Sin is HIM, He was first lover!

I see the End of Death, we will...."