How Can We?

hello!
I am Israel.

There was a boycott day, boycott Israel and wear Kuffiya, I have a pink Kuffiya, and a semi-expensive black and white one, with nice patterns not just the squares...

But I'm a Muslim.

I don't want to wear hijab.

I have four Korans.

Mostly untouched.

I have a large one in perfect condition, with commentary on each ayah, plus English. One pound in a charity shop. I have one my dad sent for, cheap one, hardback green, and peeling gold letters, it's difficult to see the letters.

I have a dyslexic Arabic.

I have one entirely in Arabic, with a zip-up that someone gave, and I lost her.

I got a tiny square, with colour code for tajweed, I read it inside a cafe full of builders in fluorescent yellow jackets.

I've done this for a year...

I converted in 17th December, I repelled all the hugs from the girls.

"I'm lazy."

"I'm depressed."

I can spend an hour over a difficult tajweed explanation book, and it's a bit difficult to keep my memory. I don't know why.

I gone through Baa. in a good ten pound dictionary. I know:

Ba'a r-rajulu

What an evil man!!

I think I am Ba'a...

A little melancholy, worried...

Bu'sa??

Something else entirely.

I'm lazy.

"I'm terrified!"

I have to be clean, clean, but I'm rolling in smelly blankets, forgetting my teeth.

"I've gone Insane!"

I've forgotten all but one Surat, and I have a Maghrib date next week.

Before, I wasn't bothered, if I didn't even say:

A'u-du billah himana Shaytani ragheem.

Then it sparked and appeared...

Then I menstruated.

Then I sat here in the garden, in sunshine, smoking, and thought:

"I'll be a Hafez in no time..."

Books are scary in this house, I looked round the garden, into the back door, slithered in and made, coffee....

"I'm dreaming, I  have all this Hope..."

"It's this house, there's no room for the spirit..."

Admittedly, I'm embarrassingly distressed, about going into my former "CELL" and picking through the little pocket-cube Quran...

So I painted and painted, to cleanse...

I like buses for Koran, I sit with a paper covered in phonetic Arabic, and roll the surahs round and round until I get to my destination.

"I'm not stupid, I'm lazy..."

The teacher nearly gave up, but we have a date.

"I am going to stun her like Glory. I won't wait to be asked..."

I have too many things to LOVE, instead of being bored.

"I think I need a cup of tea."